Shame

[ahuntersbride 9]

I have scheduled my vsg for may 26th, I know that I need to do this for myself, For a number of reasons... for years i have self loathed and been miserable in this body that I live in. Dieting with exercise works for me, but only for a short while... because i dont see the results i want... then I begin to binge again, packing pounds back on.

I feel ashamed to tell anyone what I am doing... (i live in a town of about 800 of the most judgmental b!T©he$ both men and women around)i don't want their judgment clouding my heart and mind... i have told only 1 of my friends, my grandma (who is against it), my husband of course (who thinks I'm going to die), and my dad (who will be traveling with me for my surgery) .

Is keeping this to myself a bad thing?

Is being ashamed that i need help the bad part?

My husband is so afraid that something will happen to me and he will be left to raise our 2 kids on his own...

Feeling a little overwhelmed.

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[akaESKIMOkiss 11]

My surgery is this Wednesday. I'm pretty open to telling people what I'm having done. Feedback has mostly been positive. Sometimes you need to do things for you and take care of yourself. In this case, you are giving yourself a gift, as well as giving your children a gift. You will be able to live longer and run around and keep up with them, which is what is most important - to be the parent they need. Good for you! Never feel like you need to explain your actions in regards to your health. You will soon be transformed and all will see the benefits very soon!

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[2goldengirl 2,076]

If the only people you have told are not supportive, I don't wonder that you don't want to tell anyone else!

Don't be ashamed of yourself for needing help, be proud of yourself for knowing what you need to be healthy and successful and getting it.

[ahuntersbride 9]

My surgery is this Wednesday. I'm pretty open to telling people what I'm having done. Feedback has mostly been positive. Sometimes you need to do things for you and take care of yourself. In this case, you are giving yourself a gift, as well as giving your children a gift. You will be able to live longer and run around and keep up with them, which is what is most important - to be the parent they need. Good for you! Never feel like you need to explain your actions in regards to your health. You will soon be transformed and all will see the benefits very soon!

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I appreciate the encouragement... so many here will see it as me taking the easy way out... not realizing that it isnt at all easy. I just can NOT self loathe anymore, i can't stand to see myself in a mirror, my clothes and body disgust me, and i cant even stand the idea of my husband seeing me naked... its really for all of us.

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[ahuntersbride 9]

I should add that the 1 friend that i told was supportive, nervous for me but supportive, my dad asked questions to make sure i had done my homework. But promised to support me no matter what.

I will tell 1 other friend in the next couple weeks but just dont think i can handle the negativity from other people without smacking someone.

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[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

There is nothing wrong with keeping private your medical

Information.

There is also nothing wrong with seeking help.

I suggest you consider talking to a counselor or therapist about your feelings: fear, shame, anxiety, uncertainty, your sense of being overwhelmed. This is a major life change and you will be facing much of it without being able to use food and overeating as a coping mechanism.

[ahuntersbride 9]

There is nothing wrong with keeping private your medical

Information.

There is also nothing wrong with seeking help.

I suggest you consider talking to a counselor or therapist about your feelings: fear, shame, anxiety, uncertainty, your sense of being overwhelmed. This is a major life change and you will be facing much of it without being able to use food and overeating as a coping mechanism.

Thank you, I appreciate your advice and encouragement.

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[AvaFern 3,516]

You are allowed to feel however you want and there is nothing that says you need to tell anyone. In a town that small if you tell one person everyone else will know by noon, believe me, I know, I grew up in a small, judgey town. I now live in a huge city but I chose to tell no one about my surgery until after it was over and then I only told my 3 best friends. I am 2.5 years post-op and no one else knows.

I wouldn't say I'm ashamed of my choice, I just think it is my business and I knew I would get mad when people gave me their opinion about it. It's your stomach and your life, don't feel like anyone has any right to know any more about it than you want them too.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Like you, I didn't tell anyone but my husband and two good friends who live 1,000 miles away -- and all are 100% supportive.

If you hang out here long, you will find so many people who didn't tell anyone. Although some folks are into telling others about WLS, many (a majority?) of WLS patients think, like you, that this is a journey most comfortably traveled without a peanut gallery. Look through the threads here to find conversations on this topic -- there are dozens of them!

BTW, your life is about to change in so many good ways. That's what you should be focusing on. It's a big adventure.

I wish for you the very best possible outcomes from your WLS.

[ahuntersbride 9]

Thanks so much for all the input, kind words and encouragement. It is greatly appreciated.

I have felt so ashamed of myself for years... when i was in high school i was 5'3" and a whopping 115 pounds, and freshman year of college 108, after breast augmentation and only 1 round of the birth control shot i gained 30 pounds that i have NOT been able to lose. Add to that the 50 pounds i gained during pregnancy, i was almost 200# when delivering both of my kids. I have taken Qsymia and diet and exercise... dropped 40 pounds in about 2 months... but started gaining back as soon as i quit working out because i went directly back to old habits of over eating. Today i am starting a diet and exercise to lose all i can before surgery in May.

I will turn 30 December of this year and i hope to be happier in my body by then.

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[KristenLe 5,979]

I would encourage you and your husband speak with a counselor about both of your feelings. He is scared and maybe if he learns more about the surgery and how without it you may not be around to raise your children together - he will be more comfortable and supportive. You will need the support. Also - learn as much as you can about your emotional eating habits and what to do to avoid falling into that same trap after surgery. This journey is hard - and I think it's more important to prepare our minds even more than our bodies. There are alot of good books and articles out there. Good luck!

http://www.helpguide.org/articles/diet-weight-loss/emotional-eating.htm

Edited April 18, 2016 by KristenLe

[ahuntersbride 9]

I would encourage you and your husband speak with a counselor about both of your feelings. He is scared and maybe if he learns more about the surgery and how without it you may not be around to raise your children together - he will be more comfortable and supportive. You will need the support. Also - learn as much as you can about your emotional eating habits and what to do to avoid falling into that same trap after surgery. This journey is hard - and I think it's more important to prepare our minds even more than our bodies. There are alot of good books and articles out there. Good luck!

http://www.helpguide.org/articles/diet-weight-loss/emotional-eating.htm

You're right... actually i was hoping i could get him to do something too, he's overweight as well. His dad had a quadruple bypass in his 30s i believe, my mothers 1st heart attack was at 34, both my maternal and paternal grandmothers died at 57 due to heart conditions, diabetes and prescription drug abuse, and one of them was an alcoholic as well.

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[KristenLe 5,979]

Just think of what eating healthier and being active as a family will do for your children too! They'll never have to go through the same mental anguish and health consequences of being obese!

[ahuntersbride 9]

Just think of what eating healthier and being active as a family will do for your children too! They'll never have to go through the same mental anguish and health consequences of being obese!

I agree, my husband and I never should have done this to ourselves... he was a slender 6'3" 200# when we met, he started driving a truck and sitting all day long... gained 80 pounds. He loses quickly and has lots of self control... i think it would be much easier for him. I have zero

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[KristenLe 5,979]

I waited until I was 48 and 289lbs to start this journey. You're doing the right thing!