Oh, the lying!

[MayMarie 349]

I chose not to tell any of my coworkers because I didn't want to have the same conversation and answer the same 5 questions from 50 different people. Most people just say "you're looking good" or "good job". The occasional person will ask what I'm doing to which I say low carbs, high Protein and working out. My medical history is no ones business but my own!

[Valentina 2,642]

Depends on who they are and how much time I have, but essentially it's usually something like:

1. I was very close to diabetes and decided it was time for a serious and prolonged diet.

2. I entered a medically supervised weight loss program.

3. The key was to reset my body's set point to think I was a skinny person.

4. I stopped drinking alcohol, soda, and coffee. I started out at 1700 calories/day and then cut down from there until I got to 600 calories/day.

5. Once I got to my goal, I started adding back calories, focusing on Protein first and avoiding sugars and breads.

6. Now I'm pretty much eating 1500-2000 calories a day and focusing on maintenance. My body now "believes" this is my proper weight.

Not really lying, but it feels like it when I push my plate away after eating 7-8 ounces of food...

Silly me, but if I were to go into that much detail I would just say I had surgery. It seems much easier.

I'm still chuckling. Thank you, my friend for my first smile of the day!

[Cape Crooner 589]

Depends on who they are and how much time I have, but essentially it's usually something like:

1. I was very close to diabetes and decided it was time for a serious and prolonged diet.

2. I entered a medically supervised weight loss program.

3. The key was to reset my body's set point to think I was a skinny person.

4. I stopped drinking alcohol, soda, and coffee. I started out at 1700 calories/day and then cut down from there until I got to 600 calories/day.

5. Once I got to my goal, I started adding back calories, focusing on Protein first and avoiding sugars and breads.

6. Now I'm pretty much eating 1500-2000 calories a day and focusing on maintenance. My body now "believes" this is my proper weight.

Not really lying, but it feels like it when I push my plate away after eating 7-8 ounces of food...

Silly me, but if I were to go into that much detail I would just say I had surgery. It seems much easier.

Twofold answer:

1. When my loving mother reacted poorly, I made a snap decision that people who may not love and respect me as much as my mother would react equally poorly or worse. BTW, my mother's poor reactions were: A) "So and so had that years ago and doesn't work," B ) Once I lost 25 pounds pre-opt "Call off the surgery, you're all set", C) In a conversation with my wife and mother-in-law "Why don't we get that surgery too and we can eat as much as we want and get skinny. And finally, in the days immediately after surgery, she kept saying "Now that's all over, you must feel great". I did explain the whole truth to her (sternly) and she finally seemed to get it.

2. With each successive close friend I failed to come clean with, I became more concerned about the lying (omission of critical facts). This is why I started telling people the more comprehensive story -- figuring if the whole truth ever came out, I'd blame it on the advice of the support group.

Still not happy about the whole thing...

Edited April 13, 2016 by Cape Crooner

[Valentina 2,642]

I basically told everyone about my surgery, even strangers on the street. Almost everyone was supportive or curious. I had only one person react badly and that was my mother. In her case she is elderly and depends on me for personal support. She viewed the surgery from the perspective of someone who did not want to experience the possibility that anything could threaten that support.

You believe your mother reacted "badly" because she was fearful that she might lose her "personal support"? How sad is that? I'm so sorry.

There went my smile for the day.

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,444]

@@Cape Crooner, you and your lovely wife made an enormous mountain out of a molehill from the start. The people in the support group who advised you to keep quiet did, I hope, give you their reasons. Yes, there are those who will accuse you of taking the "easy way" out or judge you for not having "discipline and self-control" enough to lose weight without surgery. Those are the ones who don't count. Those are the ones to tell that you're happy with your results and the choice was yours, thank you kindly.

It was fine to ask your mother to stop making announcements, but to call all those whom she talked with was overkill. Only frightened rabbits and headless chickens scurry about.

You are well within your rights to omit the part about surgery when answering questions. If you wish to reveal the missing detail to any of your obese friends, go ahead. It's not as big a deal as you seem to think. Some will talk about the "easy way." They are the ones who are fearful rather than judgmental. Many people in BP felt that way and then noticed their thinking begin to change.

As to your opening lines, there is a vast difference between discussing surgery with someone who is interested and being an evangelist. It's my opinion that no one is more inappropriate, tiresome and plain annoying and obnoxious than a proselytizer. Grownups are capable of making their own choices.

Take a deep breath. Calm down. You're fine.

Edited April 13, 2016 by WLSResources/ClothingExch

[Elaine The Great! 23]

@@Crochet Queen - I'm the same way...sit down next to me and you get my life story, and if you're lucky, you get the short version. I haven't posted it on social media, but anyone who asks about my weight loss gets the truth. I can't be bothered with trying to keep up with what to tell to whom. My filters don't work like that.

I live my life out loud and I refuse to be ashamed of the choices that I make for myself. Mr. Wonderful wasn't totally on board, but he is now. My family, friends, and co-workers are excited for me and we are all looking forward to what the future holds. If there are haters out there, they know better than to throw that shade at me!

[Cape Crooner 589]

@@Cape Crooner, you and your lovely wife made an enormous mountain out of a molehill from the start. The people in the support group who advised you to keep quiet did, I hope give you their reasons. Yes, there are those who will accuse you of taking the "easy way" out or judge you for not having "discipline and self-control" enough to lose weight without surgery. Those are the ones who don't count. Those are the ones to tell that you're happy with your results and the choice was yours, thank you kindly.

It was fine to ask your mother to stop making announcements, but to call all those whom she talked with was overkill. Only frightened rabbits need to scurry about.

You are well within your rights to omit the part about surgery when answering questions. If you wish to reveal the missing detail to any of your obese friends, go ahead. It's not as big a deal as you seem to think. Some will talk about the "easy way." They are the ones who are fearful rather than judgmental. Many people in BP felt that way and then noticed their thinking begin to change.

As to your opening lines, there is a vast difference between discussing surgery with someone who is interested and being an evangelist. It's my opinion that no one is more inappropriate, tiresome and plain annoying and obnoxious than a proselytizer. Grownups are capable of making their own choices.

I don't think you're following my story. We never realized the snowball effect of omitting the truth when we first decided to keep it secret. At the time, we were thinking "we might talk about it one day, just not now". But once we omitted the story to 5-6 friends, we found ourselves in the awkward situations of being less than honest with close friends.

Again, my situation is complicated because I have 100's of friends and about 20 very close ones...

[Crochet Queen 16]

Yes, Elaine. I agree 100% I am having the Endoscopic Sleeve procedure next week and my co-workers and family couldn't be happier for me. I have not received one negative comment and believe me if I did I would have no trouble dealing with it. For me its all or nothing, I either tell all or no one. I, like you did not post it on social media, I am not the type of person that needs attention and people that post everything they do crave that attention, its not me. I am not a secretive person, don't see a reason to be.

@@Crochet Queen - I'm the same way...sit down next to me and you get my life story, and if you're lucky, you get the short version. I haven't posted it on social media, but anyone who asks about my weight loss gets the truth. I can't be bothered with trying to keep up with what to tell to whom. My filters don't work like that.

I live my life out loud and I refuse to be ashamed of the choices that I make for myself. Mr. Wonderful wasn't totally on board, but he is now. My family, friends, and co-workers are excited for me and we are all looking forward to what the future holds. If there are haters out there, they know better than to throw that shade at me!

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,444]

I don't think you're following my story. We never realized the snowball effect of omitting the truth when we first decided to keep it secret. At the time, we were thinking "we might talk about it one day, just not now". But once we omitted the story to 5-6 friends, we found ourselves in the awkward situations of being less than honest with close friends.

Again, my situation is complicated because I have 100's of friends and about 20 very close ones...

I did follow your story, hence, my saying "go ahead" if you want to fill in the blanks, but I think that the seeds of the snowball are more significant.

Since you're more concerned with what's going on today, why not tell the close friends in a casual way? You're not confessing a crime, only sharing more information that you found especially personal at the start. If asked, you can throw in why you were hesitant. Whatever you decide to do now, keep it simple for your own peace of mind. Since you've lost so much weight, the close friends are more than likely to be supportive and as happy for you as you are.

Hundreds of friends? I can't conceive of being able to say that myself. That I'm acquainted with hundreds, yes, but I'd be slightly exaggerating to say "friends." Are you very famous?

[Elode 8,093]

It's not lying, it's not putting all your business out there. It's ok to not share every aspect of your life BUT if you feel like you want to share with your friends than do it! Stop listening to other people, do what feel right!

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

It seems difficult for some of you who post here to appreciate that others' circumstances are not the same as your own. Personalities vary. Spouses' needs and wishes vary. Values vary. There is no "right" for everyone. There is a best for each of us.

[Dub 9,922]

I'm so glad I was simply upfront with folks from the very beginning.

It's been the biggest nonevent imaginable.

There's been zero judgmental comments voiced nor has there been any blowback.....simply good positive supportive comments and attaboys.

Coming up with a cover story of how I was losing 40% of my bodyweight seemed like a sham and a bunch of bs.

It's a choice we each have to make....and everyone's circumstances are unique to them.

I'm just a straightaway, heart on sleeve sort. Truth is easier than fabrication.

Edited April 13, 2016 by Dub

[AvaFern 3,516]

I chose to keep my surgery to myself because I knew it would bother me when people said that I took the easy way out. I also know that bariatric surgery has a stigma attached to it and I wasn't willing to deal with that. A lady I worked with had a surgery and everyone knew about it. When she lost weight all anyone said was well, she has lapband so it's not like she's working hard and when she gained it all back, everyone was all smug about how her cheaterhead surgery failed. That irked me and it contributed to my decision to keep it to myself.

My three best friends know and no one else does. I am now 2.5 years post-op so my weight loss really isn't a topic of conversation anymore. When people asked what I did I just said I worked out more and ate less, which was entirely true. I like the idea that lies by exclusion are not lies. I don't feel that I have any personal obligation to other large people to tell my story- it's my business, not theirs, and I plan to keep it that way.

My boyfriend, now ex-boyfriend, once said something like...it's almost like you had that stomach surgery. I was thin! I also have major plastic surgery scars that someone who sees me naked and isn't stupid can conclude that I had been larger at least at some point. The big contributor is the fact that food makes me puke, so when I'm dating I either can't eat half the places we go or I do eat and then barf. All I said to him was...I thought that surgery wasn't supposed to make you barf? And he was like, ohhh yeah, you're right. End of story. My mom said once..."did you have your stomach cut out?" and my response was, "what?, why would I do that?. Again, end of story. I am fine lying to protect my privacy because in the end it is about number one, and this number one did not want to deal with the bs people like to throw at those who have had this surgery. I am ok with that, and in the event anyone finds out I lied to them, I frankly don't care.

[OKCPirate 5,323]

I felt the need to tell some of my key co-workers and a few family members about my plans, but I was glad I followed the collective wisdom of those on this site not to share my decision on FB (especially since I had it done in Mexico). When people started noticing the loss and they wanted to know what I was doing, I would just say "eating less, moving more" which was true.

I only share the rest of the story with people who are sincere seekers.

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,444]

I'm so glad I was simply upfront with folks from the very beginning.

It's been the biggest nonevent imaginable.

There's been zero judgmental comments voiced nor has there been any blowback.....simply good positive supportive comments and attaboys.

Coming up with a cover story of how I was losing 40% of my bodyweight seemed like a sham and a bunch of bs.

It's a choice we each have to make....and everyone's circumstances are unique to them.

I'm just a straightaway, heart on sleeve sort. Truth is easier than fabrication.

You make it sound so easy to be Dub. That's nice.