Need advice

[jennjones5 66]

I don't want to go into details about my life but the more weight I loose the more distant my husband has become. I figured my weight loss would of had the opposite effect. I have invited him to the gym with me. I'm working more than before to help pay for some family summer trips. So needless to say our quality time is limited. He makes remarks about my "boyfriend" he thinks I might have. I get the cold shoulder constantly. I literally work 50+ hrs a week and go to the gym and I'm home with the kids. Why do I feel so guilty for that? I just wasn't prepared for this! Also before I lost weight everything was great. We may of had a small handful of arguments in the last 5 years of marriage. And yes I have invited him to the gym and been denied. Has anyone had this happen to them?

[Proud2BMe 1,016]

Very common. If you want to maintain your marriage then get into couple's counseling fast. It's very common for couples to get divorced after one person loses a great deal of weight.

[BayougirlMrsS 3,935]

Raising hand screammmming.... oh oh oh.. Me me me..... Except it's my husband of 25 years.

in fact Friday when we had a "talk" he actually told me that he loved me more when i was fat. So i told him i loved him more when he f**ked me more than twice in 8 months.....(sorry, but that's what was said) I sugar coat nothing.

I have said this to many people here and friends.... WLS changes people, not just physically, but how we view ourselves and how others view us.

We see ourselves accomplishing things we never thought we would/could have... for one, losing weight, actually liking to go the the gym, being around other people, living life....

Others see us as being selfish..... conceded, self absorbed... Only because it's not all about them anymore... its about us and what we are doing to make ourselves feel better.

I know some people here are going to say.... i haven't changed, my spouse loved me before and loves me now.... well goody goody gumdrop for you..... now get your head out the sand and be honest... WE ALL change in one way or the other.... whether it's physically or mentally.... WE ALL change.

Your husband is upset because you are doing what you need to do to get your life back on the right track. He prob. see you losing weight and gaining confidence and along with that comes the attention from others... He is afraid of losing you... be careful with him... don't let him do to you what mine did to me.... control...control... control.... Mine cancelled the gym membership because he said i was "skinny enough". What he can't handle is his insecurities.... and it told him Friday.. I'm never going back to where i was... Never .... Just to sooth his ego.

[jennjones5 66]

I'm sorry that's happening to you. It's very odd I expected this to be a positive thing for the both of us and it is not. Thank you for sharing your story with me.

[BayougirlMrsS 3,935]

i know i thought so too.... but nope... went the other way instead. Im sorry for you too

[amandastearns 79]

Military spouse here. My husband is about to be deployed in October ( not our first or probably last deployment). He's made silly little comments about me "hurting" him on deployment, or some how sneaking around. When obviously that's not who we are and we've never been that. And we just had to have some serious conversation about it. He believes I have more "options" now. And maybe your husband does as well? I just reassured him and reminded him that were in this together. I hope it works out!

[rydersmama 804]

I'm having the same issue too. I thought that by losing weight, it might spice things up again, but my husband hasn't once acknowledged my weight loss, or told me I look nice....not once! And I've lost over 80lbs in 3 months!

I find I'm almost starting to resent him.

I'm shocked and saddened that this is how things are going between us. We've been together 20 years.

I'm sorry that there are others going through this same type of thing

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

[jennjones5 66]

I'm sorry. I feel the same way. I'm hoping that we can figure this out. I want to be happy with life that's one of the reasons I made the decision for surgery.