Newbie to VSG, just starting my journey

[SarahSleeve 170]

Another update/entry for my VSG journey.

April 18, 2016

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This weekend I had several reminders why I want to do this. Be healthier, of course - getting my BP under control (so I can drop the meds - which I hate) and taking some pressure off my heart are the major motivators that pushed me over the top. But also - it got up to 70 here this weekend. (I live in New Hampshire, so it's been hovering around 40 - 50 on and off for a few weeks, but this weekend was the first really warm one). I was SO uncomfortable. Why? Because I won't wear shorts and tank tops like the other moms I was with. They were wearing cute sundresses or shorts, all looking comfortable and enjoying the beautiful day. Me, I was wearing jeans, a t-shirt and a cardigan over it to cover my lumps and flabby arms. This is how I am year round. I only wear weather appropriate clothing at home - I layer up when I go out. I've been like this for as long as I can remember. Only on the really hot days when it tops 90, will I shed the sweater and then I'm self conscious the entire time. And forget the beach. It's an anxiety attack waiting to happen (I have a mild anxiety disorder, which is currently under control). And of course, I have the "mom suit" with the skirt and long top and cover-up that only comes off if there's basically no one else at our little town lake beach.

I took my kids to 2 parties over the weekend and there were party games and other activities going on. They talked me into joining in and all I could think about what "I sure hope no one is taking pictures of me right now!!" Instead of just having fun (because it was a lot of fun) - I was focused on my fat body yet again. I'm so done with this feeling. I just want to enjoy my life instead of focusing on the size of my stomach! I know that part is psychological, and I plan to work on that while I work on the physical stuff, but I've been this way for 25+ years, and it just seems like it's never going away. It's been my life since I was a kid. Even when I lose the weight, I'm sure I'll have to work on my self-esteem. But staying this weight won't help me get there.

We're taking the kids on vacation next week. I don't plan to layer up, but then again I'll be 1,000 miles away from home so I don't care who sees my fat rolls (well, I do, but I'll never see them again, so I don't - you know what I mean I'm sure). I do dread the vacation photos, but I'll have to get over that. But I am SO looking forward to not HAVING fat rolls to cover up. To be able to walk down the hall at my kids' school when I'm volunteering and not break a sweat (seriously, it's gross). To not be hiding in the back of all the photos. To be able to wear those cute little sundresses - I love sundresses, but my body shape doesn't really allow me to wear them (I have the double belly problem, the roll above the pants - not because my pants are currently too tight, but I think from years and years of wearing pants that were so that's how my stomach expanded as I gained - not attractive at all in a floaty dress).

The informational seminar at the second hospital I'm looking at is at the beginning of May. After vacation. Which means my high weight will probably be even higher :/ but I guess that might work in my favor - if I choose this program I have to lose about 22 lbs before surgery. Which might be easier if some of the initial weight they see is Water weight from vacation (flying, eating out for 6 days straight - I plan to make good choices but still). 22 lbs shouldn't be too hard to lose over 3 to 4 months, not when I know that I'll soon be having a procedure that will help me keep it off and take many friends with it. I'm already used to drinking Protein shakes and eating Protein Bars and lots of Water, just have to work on cutting out some of the Snacks and I think I'll be ok.

On a good note, I didn't eat any junk this weekend - no cake at either party, no candy, no ice cream, no pizza. Stuck to my Protein and veggies both days with the exception of my guilty pleasure (Dunkin' iced coffee - that's my warm weather treat, I know I'll have to give those up for at least a while after surgery, but it's a nice thing to be able to sip on that for an hour or 2 and avoid the goodies around me at this point). Of course the scale doesn't care, still tells me I gained. I can't wait until the scale goes down, down, down in a regular pattern for a few months.

Think I'm done rambling for today.

[JamieLogical 8,708]

I think it's great that you are getting all these thoughts down. This will be good to look back on when you are going through the rough times post-op to remind yourself why it will all be worth it in the end.

[SarahSleeve 170]

April 30th

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I've been considering and researching surgery for 2 years, decided to go ahead with it back in February. But, I had a Disney vacation scheduled for this past week (first time we took the kids!) and knew I wanted to be able to fully enjoy the vacation without worrying about anything before getting things officially started. I wasn't horrible about the food, but I definitely ate more (and more Desserts and such) in general than I usually do. Thankfully we walked miles every day and I drank a ton of Water in addition to the Snacks, indulgent meals, and a few fancy drinks throughout the week.

We got back this morning, and on Monday I have my informational seminar. I already have the paperwork and list of requirements; I plan to get my PCP referral in place and get all my tests and appointments scheduled this week.

I didn't have any major weight-related issues on vacation, besides being really really hot and sweaty (but it was 90 degrees and I live in New England where we're still in the 60s for high temps, so I guess that wasn't unreasonable ) . One day I almost got sick due to the heat. I'm sure part of that was due to lugging around an extra 125lbs of fat. My knees and ankles are pretty angry right now, too; again I'm sure due to the extra weight. Thankfully, I fit on all the rides I wanted to, no problem on the plane (I was really worried about getting asked to buy a second ticket but I fit in the seat no problem and even had extra belt to spare, whew!). BUT, I have about 300 pictures and hate the way I look in about 75% of them. The ones I do like, I'm hiding behind my kids. I am so ready to move forward with the next chapter of my life - the "healthy" chapter!

I'm beyond excited to see what the next year brings

Oh, and I also bought a souvenir shirt, but in a size large instead of my current size (2x/3x). I am hoping I'll be able to wear it by next Summer! It's thin material, and very cute. Nothing I've been able to wear in the past and been comfortable. I can't wait until it fits!

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Edited May 3, 2016 by SarahSleeve

[SarahSleeve 170]

May 6, 2016

Things I'm looking forward to:

- not having to stretch out my shirt so it doesn't cling to my stomach rolls

- shopping in stores instead of online at plus sized sites. Buying NICE jeans. Not just ones that fit. (And don't even fit well, at that - anything that fits my stomach leaves me with a baggy butt).

- being able to participate in my kids activities without being afraid of embarrassing them with my lack of fitness and body jiggling (ick).

Sent from my Nexus 5 using the BariatricPal App

Edited May 6, 2016 by SarahSleeve

[SarahSleeve 170]

May 18, 2016

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Sure do hate waiting! I have a month before my first 3 doc appts. Until then I just wait. I think there's a session I will attend in early June to cover one of the 2 required monthly support meetings, but otherwise I'm just waiting. I did go in and get my official start weight logged so I could work on making small changes and hopefully lose a few pounds before my first appointment but I was told at my weigh-in that I will have to stay above 40BMI until the surgeon appt (which is after all the other ones!!) to qualify with my insurance (I guess hypertension doesn't always work as a co-morbidity). I am about 25lbs from that mark so I have to be aware. I can't see myself losing more than that over the 3-4 month period of appts and such though. So probably won't be an issue. (although the doc requires about 22lbs loss pre-surgery so it's going to be close!!).

Going to start by cutting out extra sugar and Snacks for now. Not going to go too crazy until I meet with the nutritionist next month.

Wish I had done this earlier!!

[SarahSleeve 170]

May 21, 2016

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Took my kids to the local go-kart racing/golf/etc place today due to having some awesome weather. Last year, I could close the seat belt on the go-karts, it was tight but it closed. Not even close today, even though I weigh about the same. Maybe I didn't extend all the straps fully or something, but either way, there I was sitting (stuffed into the seat) next to my 10 year old, having to say "I don't think this is going to fit" Thankfully, they still let me ride with the straps over my shoulders, but how incredibly embarrassing. I cannot wait for this surgery. Next Summer will be amazing. For me and my family.

[SarahSleeve 170]

5/23/16

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Getting closer every day! Took some 'workout gear' before photos today, with stretchy pants and sports bra. Yuck! Sobering to see those photos. I've known for many many years that I am obese, but knowing I'm about to do something to really change it seems to be forcing me to see how I really look and how unhealthy all this fat is. Knowing that my body will change in ways I can't even imagine by this time next year is giving me hope that I won't forever hate my body.

How did I let myself get to this point, over and over again?

I am SO ready for this.

Edited May 23, 2016 by SarahSleeve

[JamieLogical 8,708]

5/23/16

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Getting closer every day! Took some 'workout gear' before photos today, with stretchy pants and sports bra. Yuck! Sobering to see those photos. I've known for many many years that I am obese, but knowing I'm about to do something to really change it seems to be forcing me to see how I really look and how unhealthy all this fat is. Knowing that my body will change in ways I can't even imagine by this time next year is giving me hope that I won't forever hate my body.

How did I let myself get to this point, over and over again?

I am SO ready for this.

I did that and I am so glad I did. Were the before photos horrible to look at? For sure! Does it make me feel all the more amazing seeing them side-by-side with the after photos? Absolutely! In the end, you will be so glad you did it. I have mine in my gallery if you want to see how drastic the difference is!

[Caribear 184]

I've been fat so long that I don't know myself any other way. How do I do this and not lose who I am?

I can't tell you how much this statement resonates with me. I have never been thin, not since I was about seven years old. Being heavy is just part of who I am, and I have no idea how I am going to wrap my head around being thinner. I sent you a friend request. I am quite a bit behind you so far as the process goes, but maybe we can offer each other some support.

[SarahSleeve 170]

I've been fat so long that I don't know myself any other way. How do I do this and not lose who I am?

I can't tell you how much this statement resonates with me. I have never been thin, not since I was about seven years old. Being heavy is just part of who I am, and I have no idea how I am going to wrap my head around being thinner. I sent you a friend request. I am quite a bit behind you so far as the process goes, but maybe we can offer each other some support.

I'm just getting started with the exception of the introduction meeting and intake paperwork, still haven't even met for my first doc appt (which is about 3 weeks from now, and then I have 3 within a week of each other!).

I'm still nervous about changing. I don't want to change too much, but I know I will likely become more confident and self-assured. However, after a lifetime of being worried about what other people think, I might actually be OK with the boost in ego

[Lynne5767 21]

@@SarahSleeve

If you want to read more about the effects of this surgery on relationships, there is a board on this site for spouses.

and on ObesityHelp.com you will find similar boards.

Education and Communication are what keeps the relationship moving forward, You will have bumps and hurt feelings and

issues to work through, but "love" is more commitment and Communication than any hot momma in a red lace teddy....Granted, that is not all bad, but Respectful Communication will go a LONG way.

Good Luck on your Journey~

[SarahSleeve 170]

June 15th, 2016

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It's about to begin, for real. I have three appts over the next week - nurse, dietitian, fitness evaluation. I am getting excited, but nervous. Ready, but wishing there was another way I could do this and be successful. But after being overweight/obese for 25+ years, I'm being realistic and accepting that I can't do this alone. Drastic changes are necessary, and those changes are starting this week!

EEK! This may be the last Summer I will live through as a morbidly obese woman!!!!! It's hard to imagine, but it's a very exciting prospect I cannot wait to see my body start to change

[SarahSleeve 170]

June 18, 2016

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First nurse visit done!

Next week:

Dietician

Fitness eval

Scheduled:

Upper GI July 1st

2nd nurse appt July 18th

Monthly support meetings

To schedule:

sleep study

6 weeks lifestyle classes

Mental health eval

4-6 months until I'm on the other side!

Sent from my Nexus 5 using the BariatricPal App

[fliss78 16]

June 15th, 2016

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It's about to begin, for real. I have three appts over the next week - nurse, dietitian, fitness evaluation. I am getting excited, but nervous. Ready, but wishing there was another way I could do this and be successful. But after being overweight/obese for 25+ years, I'm being realistic and accepting that I can't do this alone. Drastic changes are necessary, and those changes are starting this week!

EEK! This may be the last Summer I will live through as a morbidly obese woman!!!!! It's hard to imagine, but it's a very exciting prospect I cannot wait to see my body start to change

I said this very same thing to myself the other day. After struggling for the last four years trying to get the weight off, only to lose some and gain 10 pounds more on top of what I lost.. I know how you feel. The end is near.. while my last nutrition appointment will be mid- September... my surgery should be scheduled with a couple of weeks after that. I am ready. Ready to live the life I have been dreaming about for four years!

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[SarahSleeve 170]

June 24, 2016

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My first set of appointments is complete. Nurse, dietitian, fitness evaluation. They did a body fat analysis at the fitness one, that was not a fun number to hear! But I'm on my way. I have a sleep study evaluation set for the end of July, lifestyle classes to be scheduled for August, and a couple follow ups along with monthly support meetings along the way. My surgeon's goal is for me to lose about 22lbs and hopefully line up surgery for October.

This has been a busy week with all the "first" meetings. Now I just focus on moving more and eating less and making small changes to lead me in the right direction. Also trying different types of Protein drinks. I just bought the choc and vanilla Premier Protein since my local grocery store sells it and it's not bad. I'm used to Protein Drinks, and to me it tastes very similar to the Boost and ON Gold I've been drinking. 30G Protein for 160 cals is good so I'm hoping I can tolerate the Splenda in it! (usually gives me a headache).

Up next:

Upper GI next week - hopefully they don't find anything. Reflux means VSG isn't necessarily the best option. I don't want bypass so fingers crossed on this one!

Labs - Blood work as well as an H.Pylori screening

Nurse follow up mid-July for weight check and progress monitoring

sleep study consult (to see if I should do one) near the end of July - if they do a study and find apnea I have to use CPAP for 2 months before surgery.

Monthly support meetings until and beyond surgery

Off to get my body moving. 22lbs to go!