Feelings of entitlement

[Alexandra 55]

There's always a lot of talk about emotional eating. I've tried many times over the years to identify the moods that spur me to overeat, but they are all over the map. So much so, that I really believe they're not connected in any meaningful way.

So, what IS my trigger to overeat? The only constant emotion or thought that I can associate with urges to eat is a feeling of entitlement. Other people are having whatever it is, so I can too, right? Other people are enjoying the birthday pizza, the wedding banquet, the dessert, the office Cookies, the samples at the farmer's market, the popcorn at the movies, so OF COURSE I CAN TOO. Well, the fact of the matter is that nature has decreed that I can't, not without suffering the consequences.

This is the reflexive mental process that I find is my biggest enemy in the weight loss battle. With a band I have a physical barrier that acts as a coach, or a boss, standing there saying you CAN'T have whatever it is. Without the band, my entitlement wins out and food hops into my mouth because somehow, somewhere in my psyche, I've got the ingrained sense that I deserve it. But I AM different. What I deserve is health and well-being, not cupcakes and Pasta.< /p>

Ugh. I can't wait to get my band back. One week.

[Betsyjane 2]

One week to go. Good for you. We'll throw a party, my dear.

I agree with the entitlement. I also thing that for me, the behavioral aspect is strong. I have paired food with everything in my life, so everything triggers eating...boredom, TV, computer, social life, loneliness, driving, seeing a food ad, visiting my mother, working. Good grief!

[TracyinKS 7]

YUP Alexandra.............. we ARE different... (Lucky US )

ONE WEEK AND COUNTING BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Sula 0]

Alexandra,

I can so relate to this. I am a therapist and have really looked at aspects of emotional eating for myself. I came to the conclusion that if I have an emotion, I eat!! But really, I think it is the entitlement..I deserve, I worked so hard, I've had a hard day, they are eating...blah blah blah.

I have done fairly well with the band and will continue to lose. I have to challenge this thinking that I have with...am I hungry? Do I really want it?

Hmmm, just as I'm typing I had the thought..I wonder why I don't feel entitled to exercise? And actually, I have worked very hard on that mind set as well. I see all the other things that need to get done here and at work and I come second. Well, I've changed a bunch of that in the past almost 7 months. The stuff that doesn't get done does drive me a bit nuts, but I think I handle it better after my morning walks. I set a time frame and that is mine..no matter what. Everything, everyone else has to adjust around that time.

One week to go for your new band..yippee!

[maryrose 2]

Alexandra,

I do the same thing too. I try to figure it out, but the only conclusion I came to was the fact that for those "few" minutes I am eating, I feel pretty darn good! A food high. Now, if I could figure out a way to replace this with something else..well...we all know the answer to that.

Something I have observed however is the fact that all of the people on this board are extremely giving and caring people. I think the overeating is a way of "giving" to ourselves because we put outselves last.

You are all just too darn nice!

[Hip 0]

How did it slip after 4 years?? Thanks.

[Sybaritic01 0]

I can also so relate........I used to eat with any emotion.....glad, sad, mad.....etc.....food was always the celebration.....I was raised in a home where food was always the reward for anything......I agree with Sula, why would we give ourself......let's a gift of 30 minutes by ourselves....for a nice long walk listening to some funky music.......we all know we would feel WAY BETTER after a relaxing walk compared to just eating a plate of food......it's bizarre.........Alexandra nailed it......it's this feeling of entitlement....for wahtever bizarre reason I use this as my excuse..........I'm journaling everyday now.....even if I only write a sentence or two......and I have to say it does make me feel grounded.....my gifts to myself over the past couple weeks....are a new toe polish color......a relaxing bath and home facial......a new book......and I'm feeling quite fabulous...................

[Kelliebelly 13]

I think I am the same as a couple of you. I have thought about this many times and I cannot come up with a definitive answer.

The closest it comes is... I feel good when I eat...the food high. It doesnt matter how bad I feel, for those few minutes, I feel good.

Nothing can replace that for me.

[GayleTX 1]

Some very good insights in this thread. I think the word 'entitlement' is a good one. There are many things I've denied myself in my life, things I've done the martyr game with, felt very noble for having done so, but one thing I've never felt I needed to do without was food. "It just wasn't FAIR that I would have to do without when others could eat.....etc etc". I'm well on my way to my goal now, but still have not found anything to replace eating/socializing.....I'm still denying myself some of the other pleasures I would enjoy.....or, to be honest, I don't know what I would enjoy at this stage of my life. I need to work on that.

Sula....I'm a therapist, too ---- hey! aren't we supposed to have the answers??!! LOL!! Guess we do for other people, just not for ourselves.

Best wishes to all of us on our journey!!

[Sula 0]

Gayle,

You know it...isn't it hard to take care of ourselves? But this band has helped me in that area as well. I've always been perturbed at my DH who could leave "chores" go to exercise or do something that he wanted to do, when I'd have the mindset that the house needed cleaning, corrals needed cleaned, on and on. I remember "spoiling" a hunting day trip because I was so stressed about the house being dirty. I told DH I needed to go home. BAD!!

So, I'm happy for many reasons for the band. I had to change my mindset...I've paid so much for this out of "our" money, that I'd better re-prioritize things.

Sula

[Rubyjade 2]

I can totally relate to the entitlement issue. That is exactly how I feel as well. Along with that, I feel a sense of rebellion also. Growing up as a fat child with a skinny sibling around the same age reinforced this. He was allowed to have the fattening food (which he didnt even want half the time) and I was always on a diet, even as a very young child. My parents wanted nothing but the best for me - they are wonderful people - so I don't blame them but now I can totally see where this restriction at such a young age has had the opposite effect on me. Being told you can't have something time and time again all through your childhood is bound to have some kind of influence on the way you think as an adult. I think it's still with me today. Now I can afford my own food and don't have to be accountable to anyone, I feel like I am entitled to do whatever I like and 'you can't stop me'. This for me, has a lot to do with my adult obesity issues.

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

For me it's all about head hunger. I never really justified it or thought much about it. If I wanted it, I ate it.

My biggest problem was fast food. I'd eat twice daily at fast food places and the pounds just packed on to the point it was so out of control I didn't see any light at the end of any tunnel.

[badonkadonkbutt 1]

I hear you about the fast food, I am getting my band in two weeks and I am counting on it being a reminder not to stuff myself to the gills all the time. I know how sick this sounds, but I am hoping it does make me ill when I overeat and helps me to learn that I need to eat to live not live to eat. It is definetly time to end the cycle that I have been in. Eating when your hungry, whats that? I hardly ever wait long enough to feel hungry....I eat because I like to eat.

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

I hear you about the fast food, I am getting my band in two weeks and I am counting on it being a reminder not to stuff myself to the gills all the time. I know how sick this sounds, but I am hoping it does make me ill when I overeat and helps me to learn that I need to eat to live not live to eat. It is definetly time to end the cycle that I have been in. Eating when your hungry, whats that? I hardly ever wait long enough to feel hungry....I eat because I like to eat.

I can promise you that your hop will come true. :confused: I think what you say is true for many (most?) of us.

[Barbara R 0]

You go girl! In a week all this will be over. I know how you feel. After my Hair loss I started eating everything in site. Now back in control, and following the rules. I am coming to terms with the fact that this is the way it is going to be for the rest of my life...lucky us. Stop by tomorrow night if you are free Barbara