Surprised at how fat I am

[kmorri 1,689]

I also really relate to this post......I guess I thought I was the only one who felt this way. I've always known I was overweight but sort of always told myself it's "not that bad"......when I'm out and I see other women that look overweight I always wonder if I'm smaller or larger than her.....I've never asked anyone (haha) but it always goes through my head. It makes me feel crazy! Pictures and full length mirrors always seem to tell the truth.....I do my best to stay out of pictures! I'm so ready to not have to feel this way!!!

[FreeTheSkinny66 9]

@@jane13 Thank you, thank you, thank you for that. Your post actually made me tear up a little tiny bit - I guess that is a testament to how alone I feel in my misery (I try to hide the real depth of it from my husband and others) and how much I crave support and a sense of not being the only one who feels this way. So...thank you. I will keep coming here.

[jane13 2,256]

we are a nutty bunch here, your BP family, and we don't always agree and we argue at times but we do truly 'relate' to each other -

jane

[leahhindi 65]

Not only was I in complete denial but, SHAME ON ME, I was also harshly judging other overweight people when I was bigger than they were. Once I cracked the case regarding just how large I really was, I felt so ashamed, of both my size and behavior, disgusted and overwhelmed/depressed. Being here is a great first step! You need a support system for times like these.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

This morning I did another closet cleansing -- moving out more clothes that no longer fit and no longer look good on me.

At the back of the closet I found the literal fat suit -- a navy, boxy Pendleton wool suit, the outfit I'm saving forever to remember, really remember, how fat I used to be.

I put it on. It was huge. The jacket wrapped around me twice. The pants are so enormous I had to hold them up with my hands. Feeling that garment against my 135-pound body brought back the terrible heaviness, physical pain and grief that were with me constantly and the awesome toughness I summoned to survive every day when I weighed 100 pounds more than I do now.

For those of you who haven't lost all your weight yet or who haven't thrown away all your fat clothes, please save one outfit to remind you of how far you have come and of the respect you owe to the person you once were for having the fortitude to survive the burdens of morbid obesity.

One day, you will appreciate more than you can imagine right now that fat person's courage.

[katanne 215]

I just had another denial-puncturing moment.

There's an ad popping up in my Facebook feed showing a cute outfit on a very plus-size woman. When I saw the ad, I thought, "Whoa, she's BIG!"

Then I noticed the store in question only sells up to a size 24...and I am in size 22 jeans. Meaning at most, the "OMG BIG!" woman is only one size bigger than I am.

And of course it is entirely possible they chose a model who doesn't even wear their largest size.

Ugh. This shit hurts.

[FreeTheSkinny66 9]

@@VSGAnn2014
This:
"For those of you who haven't lost all your weight yet or who haven't thrown away all your fat clothes, please save one outfit to remind you of how far you have come and of the respect you owe to the person you once were for having the fortitude to survive the burdens of morbid obesity. One day, you will appreciate more than you can imagine right now that fat person's courage.

Wow. Very powerful. For those of us living in this moment of disgust, being able to step outside of ourselves and appreciate that we are summoning up the courage and fortitude to do this...to take drastic action to fix this....that is important to recognize. Thanks for that.

[reachbree 140]

I know how you feel! I personally HATE photos of myself....and I get tired of people saying "OH you look GREAT!" which is bee ess...because what I see in the photo has to be real. I also have issues with the mirror..I always think I look a lot smaller in the mirror than I do on photos or video.

I finally told myself that I had it and it was time to change for good.

On another view, obesity is not always a choice. A close cousin is 125lbs....however her diet is slightly worse in that she ALWAYS eats out (burgers, fries, pizza, fried foods etc) while I'm home eating homemade salads, chicken breasts, green juices and veggies) Yet, she stays at 125lbs and I gain 15 (Surprise, Im up to 225lbs!!). Something's not right about that and while I don't know all of the scientific stand behind this, I just see it as a problem and sometimes a curse but regardless of the reason I am at the weight I am, I've gotta get rid of it! It just doesn't seem fair that my body does not work like others (who are at normal weight) works....

[jmc534 50]

Within the last 2-3 years, I've gained close to 60 lbs! I went from comfortably wearing xl tshirts and size 36 waist jeans to now not being able to fit into xxl tshirts and size 42 jeans. My moment of truth came when the only place I could shop where clothes would fit me was the big and tall store. It made me feel sick that I have gotten to this point. I'm embarrassed to go out in public and now that the winter is coming to an end, I can't hide behind bulky sweatshirts and stuff. I have my immersion day on April 6th. Im quite excited to see what happens next!

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

[antigone40 30]

Here's the deal. This body dysmorphia hasn't stopped for me.

I would look at pictures of myself when I was bigger and blame the camera, the angle, the photographer. I didn't notice then that all the pictures I posted of myself online were from the chin up. In fact, I cut off my double chin, my shoulders, etc., anything that would let people in on the secret of how big I was.

Now, 145 pounds lighter and a size 14, I look at pictures of myself and think "who the f--- is that!?" I wonder now why I look so thin. It's crazy that my mind still hasn't caught up with my body. Sometimes I feel that people are growing around me while I'm staying the same size. When did I get a thigh gap, for christ's sake.

The camera isn't lying to you and it's not lying to me. Best wishes to getting to the other side of it in due time.

[dmarroko 9]

I know exactly what you are talking about. I started to get sleeved in 2012 and chickened out. Now I'm about to see the doctor again. I'm beyond disgusted with myself for not being able to take control of this. It's been all my life. Enough is enough.

[Phoenix40 66]

It is amazing how easy it is to fool ourselves. I did not really understand the problem until my besties wedding this past December. The wedding pictures...dear Lord...I looked WAY bigger than I saw myself but I have recently crashed landed into truly seeing exactly how big I have gotten. My best friend had a baby a year ago ( and she is the cutest baby ever and I am totally biased) and I recently saw a picture of us on Easter and I look like a freaking Yeti next to this child. I had been thinking about the surgery for a couple of months but that picture did it. I enrolled in the seminar taking place in two weeks and will see my doctor two days later to move forward.

[Hannahb3997 60]

I totally agree with you. My BMI is 59 and I never really realized how big I was until about a year ago. But we have to chance to get healthier so hoorah!! We are making steps in the right direction!

[wendilin 29]

This thread hit my heart. I see the after photos of ladies in one leg of their jeans, and I hold up my jeans and think that I could never do that, my jeans are too narrow! Then I see the size they were and it's smaller than my size. I have a long way to go, surgery not till at least mid-September and over 130 to hit my personal goal.

I have a bad habit that I have only told my hubby, and now you all. I always check out the room in a social situation to be sure I'm not the biggest person there. There's something in my mind that thinks I'm not that bad as long as at least one person is bigger than me. And if nobody is bigger, I find a reason to leave. Sad that I miss out on stuff because of my denial. But admitting that is part of the healing process for me.

I'm down 7 pounds since my initial visit and I hope the rest of the process goes smoothly.

Peace to you all as we heal and grow.

~Wendilin

Sent from my iPad using the BariatricPal App

[ausmith 374]

Wait until you are at goal and see a picture of yourself I can sit there for ages looking at it and I am in shock that I never realised how big I was. Obviously I knew I was big but pictures tell the truth that you can't deny.

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