Do we change as we loose weight? Opinions please ...

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

It depends on how you were before and how you felt about yourself. I think age and culture is also a factor. I notice that it seems common in certain cultures that being fat means you are worthless and invisible and people give up on looking good and making an effort.

I had a business associate that had WLS and afterwards her personality totally changed. She had never had male attention before and suddenly she had lots of it, and we completely boy crazy. Also due to some other issues in her life, she had to grow up early and missed being a young adult and it was like she reverted to being 18. It was difficult to watch.

I have always been an outgoing confident person and that hasn't changed. I have a different weight loss environment than most people since I live and work alone. I don't have other people projecting their feelings onto me every day about how I look, so that allows me to adjust in my own time and space. I think a big factor about people thinking they are different is other people seeing them differently and projecting different feelings onto them. Like people used to ignore and discount someone and suddenly they have lost weight and seem like a real person to them.

I have always been a flashy dresser, and that hasn't changed. The only difference is I look a lot better in my clothing choices and I have much larger selection of clothing to choose from, and many more stores to shop at since I am at the bottom of plus sizes and the top of normal sizes. I always wore skirts and dresses, now I just wear bodycon dresses more than I wear fit and flares.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Life is about change. We are supposed to learn and grow as we experience different things and grow older and hopefully wiser.

Although your core values may not change (some of those may even change), huge events in our lives SHOULD change us a little.

I know I am a different person than I was when I got married 27 years ago. Then I changed even more when I had my 2 kids. I've learned some things after losing both my parents that has changed my outlook on certain things. Now that I've had WLS and maintaining my weight loss, I've grown and changed a little yet again. Sure I've changed. But once again it's for the better.

Preach, @@Babbs !

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

I think we can't help but change. WLS is a significant life event and going through the process is going to be a catalyst for change.

How we react to the change and respond to other people's reaction to the change is what is most important in my opinion.

Whether our core values and personality stay the same or are radically different is up to each of us.

[cdsjjotn 516]

My behaviors have definitely changed , I'm not smoking or drinking anymore so I'm not as social as a used to be. But I'm loving the results and loving saving money and loving that I'm so much more active in a healthy way. I have also put me first instead of my friends, not all are ok with it but I had to do it. This is so important to me, the last thing I need is to give up my gym time to sit on a bar stool and figure out all their problems . That may have sounded mean but I have tried to get them to take a walk with me or go to the diner for coffee but it's always an excuse, then they don't understand why I don't want to go out on a Friday or Saturday night . I'm getting the same attitudes at work also because I'm not hanging out eating donuts mid morning or going out to lunch everyday. Well, I guess everyone else may think that I have changed huh lol

[livvsmum 2,369]

I can only speak for myself. I don't think there is anything magical about weight loss that changes you inwardly. I have, though, changed a great deal inwardly. But it was not for lack of trying. I didn't want to be the same. I wanted to conquer the demons that I've battled all my life with emotional eating and disordered eating so I didn't have to battle them the remaining years of my life. I did a lot of work on myself through reading, writing, and therapy. So, yes, I have changed fundamentally. I've taken back power. I've developed new coping mechanism. I've become confident. I speak up in a room instead of hiding in a corner. I am not afraid of what others are thinking anymore. I (try to be) kind to myself in my self-talk and self-care. These are not things that just one day "changed" because I lost 50 or 100 pounds. They changed and I changed because I worked on it every, single day. So I guess my answer is different than most others, who say they didn't change. But like I said....I can only speak for myself. :-)

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

My behaviors have definitely changed , I'm not smoking or drinking anymore so I'm not as social as a used to be. But I'm loving the results and loving saving money and loving that I'm so much more active in a healthy way. I have also put me first instead of my friends, not all are ok with it but I had to do it. This is so important to me, the last thing I need is to give up my gym time to sit on a bar stool and figure out all their problems . That may have sounded mean but I have tried to get them to take a walk with me or go to the diner for coffee but it's always an excuse, then they don't understand why I don't want to go out on a Friday or Saturday night . I'm getting the same attitudes at work also because I'm not hanging out eating donuts mid morning or going out to lunch everyday. Well, I guess everyone else may think that I have changed huh lol

God! That is awesome.

Especially the part about "I have also put me first instead of my friends ...."

Too many so-called friendships are really not healthy for any party. They're like bad marriages -- or marriages of convenience.

You can't have a great life when you're busy living a mediocre one.

Again, awesome!

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

I can only speak for myself. I don't think there is anything magical about weight loss that changes you inwardly. I have, though, changed a great deal inwardly. But it was not for lack of trying. I didn't want to be the same. I wanted to conquer the demons that I've battled all my life with emotional eating and disordered eating so I didn't have to battle them the remaining years of my life. I did a lot of work on myself through reading, writing, and therapy. So, yes, I have changed fundamentally. I've taken back power. I've developed new coping mechanism. I've become confident. I speak up in a room instead of hiding in a corner. I am not afraid of what others are thinking anymore. I (try to be) kind to myself in my self-talk and self-care. These are not things that just one day "changed" because I lost 50 or 100 pounds. They changed and I changed because I worked on it every, single day. So I guess my answer is different than most others, who say they didn't change. But like I said....I can only speak for myself. :-)

Damn! Another awesome post.

Thanks to the OP who started this thread.

[Valentina 2,642]

"Back in the day" of early of early WLS the mentation change after WLS was a huge concern. That was and is one of the main reasons for the psych evaluation prior to surgery.

Many WLS patients were caught off guard, were not aware of, or simply didn't expect their reaction to the "hormonal flushing" that takes place post op.

Some became extremely promiscuous were before surgery they were not. One article related that one male post WLS patient remarked that he would, "F***k a snake if he could get low enough". Women were leaving their husbands and children for whoever whispered sweet things into their ears. Still today, the divorce rate for WLS patients far outnumber divorces generally.

I believe there ARE definite changes that happen "inside" not only our bodies, but in our brains as well. It is just that now we have more information about what to expect and how best to handle not only hormonal changes, but chemical changes within our heads.

Where and how mental health changes effect each of us is greatly individual and personal.

Hell, I think we're all crazy! (But I'm OK with that)

[Lexigurl82 160]

I had my surgery in December 2015, 50+ pounds down. I am the same old goofy and loving person. However, I did become less tolerant of BS with my new found confidence. I am going thru a divorce currently. My soon to be ex husband felt that I was using the surgery as a way to leave him. He called it my exit strategy. He was wrong. After my surgery I told him how unhappy I was with the way he was treating me. Me having the surgery had nothing to do with it. I have 100 more pounds to lose. Turns out he was cheating on me during our marriage and even when we separated. He didn't make one attempt to make our marriage work but I made several. Now we are in divorce. I hurt everyday but in the end I know it's for the best. I am learning that people treated me different because I was big and now they are treating me different because I am losing weight. I will continue to be me, but I will no longer accept anyone's foolishness, even if that means leaving them behind.

[MrsKarenC2008 622]

Everyone has been SO insightful in this post ...

There are so many points being brought up that I think we ALL can relate to and understand ... and some that we may not even have thought of ...

Being that I went through a clinic and my surgery was outpatient ... I wasn't required to have a visit to the "shrink" before hand ... or after ward ...

I am thinking about going on my own though ... Just to "get it out" ...

All the things I'm feeling ... wondering about ... going through in my brain ... That those around me cannot begin to understand as you all do ...

I cannot thank you ALL enough for your replies ... Your HONESTY ... your support ... and just being there ...

I'm so blessed

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

It is my opinion, that if you don't change... at least some... you won't be successful maintaining the weight loss!

I do agree that your core values, your basic personality etc. don't change but morbid obesity has a way of twisting how some of our social interactions are. Maybe a way to look at it is like this... did becoming a parent "change" me? yes. Did my career experiences over the past decades influence the person I am today? yes. Did feeling more physiclly confident, feeling less pain, feeling more attractive after losing weight change me? yes. I like to think that the real me has a better chance at shining through without the fatsuit!

There are people who experience some temporary insanity ...ha.. that is a joke... during the transition. Anxiety, hyper mania type behaviors can surface. There is good old addiction transference too. I guess it is a question to the universe - if someone who abused food and used obesity to numb themselves from the world switches to alcohol, shopping, gambling or whatever - did they really change or is it that the underlying concerns are just more obvious? I don't know the answer to that. What I think is that I am alot more honest, about deep things than I ever felt entitled to be before That sounds strange but the happier I am with myself, the less I feel the need to please others?

So, yes, i think losing massive weight does change us... at least some.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

After posting - I realized I left out something that has been pretty huge for me, and frankly probably the single biggest adjustment I have had to make.... I FEEL things so much more intensely. Obesity was like a damper on feelings, I just kind of muscled through alot of things in life, without regard to my heart and soul. I have always been a dutiful daughter & sister, a hard honest worker, a responsible (but not particularly joyful) mother and a faithful partner. I was all those things because they fit my core values, but also because I just did what I thought was the right way to live at times rather than what would please me, or would sustain my internal growth.

Once that shield, buffer, whatever you wanna call it was gone - i went through a time of learning to experience so many things in technicolor again. Like, everything became so much more intense.

I did find talk therapy to be useful at that time because I felt a bit overwhelmed by it at times. It at times felt out of control, not that I did things that were out of control, but more like I felt like I was having to figure out how to keep a lid on things as my mind was going every direction at once. I actually wasn't sure what to do with myself once the yoke was lifted. That is a very hard emotional state to describe. One of the things I learned is to just get used to feeling the ups and downs. Don't bury, don't hide from it, just let it happen. Over time, the intensity returned to some kind of normal.

I think being a bit more intuitive (?) or aware of things is actually my "normal state" but had been hidden. In the last few years I have had a couple of friends tell me that I am somehow able to put words to, or describe themselves... like just by talking about things I helped them be more self aware. That has happened in recent years, I don't recall ever being called "insightful" prior to that. I think that the more sensitive side of me is now allowed to see the light of day.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

Influence your outlook on life and "change you" are two really different things. Any adult with a little bit of self awareness should should evolve over time.

I am personally very leery of people that completely change after losing weight. That means either they were living a lie before or they are living a lie now. Either way it is a massive character flaw in a person I am not interested in entertaining.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I think I know your meaning, and it is tempting to be sorta black and white when looking at it - but in truth who is to judge what constitutes a character flaw versus a growth in an area of a persons life that had been hidden, or even stunted? I have worked for the same company for 25 years and I have many long term colleagues that have known me for years... they would say I am the same person. Many would say I am the same person but I KNOW that a part of me is quite a bit different. My grown kids have told me I have changed - for the better - because I am so much happier it influences my exterior personae as well. I don't think that was (or is) living a lie or somehow not an honest person - I think it was doing the best I could.

A close aquaintance (from the barn where I used to keep horses) put it in words that rang true. She told me that I was always polite, pleasant to talk to, and a good reliable, well liked member of the barn community... but after losing weight I put out an energy that made people want be a part of it! It wasn't that I talked more, or did such different things or anything like that, but she experienced me quite differently in a somewhat intangible way - a certain wall had disappeared. i am not sure I can really even explain it either except my self defensiveness is just way lowered - the stronger I am in my own self confidence, the more that shines through.

So I respectfully disagree that people who change alot are somehow living a lie.

Influence your outlook on life and "change you" are two really different things. Any adult with a little bit of self awareness should should evolve over time.

I am personally very leery of people that completely change after losing weight. That means either they were living a lie before or they are living a lie now. Either way it is a massive character flaw in a person I am not interested in entertaining.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

@@CowgirlJane

It really depends on the kind of change. I know someone and I have them in mind that I am thinking about, so that is making my opinion a little bias. My experience with this person is they pretended to be a nice person, just because they felt they were inferior because they were fat (why, who knows), then once they lost weight they turned into one of the meanest people I have ever encountered with a truly nasty spirit. No only just being in general mean and nasty, but specifically mean and nasty towards fat people. Even though when they lost weight they never got to goal and are still very obese. That is the kind of fake life and fake change I am talking about. People gaining enough confidence to be complete jerks.

Everyone who grows up should become more confident and secure in who they are as they get older, and that should be continual, intelligent people should always learn and grow.

Complete change and different outlook on life are two difference things. Or I guess I should say some people just change for the absolute worst. You learn a lot about people when they think they are better than other people. you see their true self.

Edited March 23, 2016 by OutsideMatchInside