female only More critical of facial features after WLS?

[lauraellen80 855]

oh, and I forgot to share the most important secret of them all... it actually does not matter that much. Seriously.

So, movie stars leverage their looks into great careers, but for most of us "real people" - a smile, a lively personality, a generous heart, an ear that listens, a friend you can count on - these are the things that the universe values. i personally think that a reasonable level of fitness is also very attractive, but partly that is because it brings a certain positive energy to the table. I have never had a "failed" relationship due to looks. ever.

I am into horses and dogs and what I notice is that we are initially drawn to "flashy" or colorful, but that becomes irrelevant if the critter is dud, or is difficult or not fun to be with. I think that pretty much applies to people too - looks are nice, but not really the stuff that makes you a valuable asset to friends, family, even a lover.

I really enjoy dressing fashionably, wearing makeup etc but the day I realized that I only care what I think about it - was quite liberating. Most others don't even really seem to notice!

I have had relationships end, fail to start, or become soured because of my looks, though. From a guy in college who liked me enough to make out with me in my dorm but bluntly told me that I wasn't pretty enough and didn't have big enough boobs and a small enough waist to be "girlfriend material" for him, to a serious relationship that ended because he was "repulsed" by me after I'd gained 15-20 pounds and felt like I'd somehow tricked him into thinking I had myself more together than I really did... ugh.

I now have a husband who loves me no matter what and finds me attractive, so I should just let those old experiences go. Well, I've got something to talk about next week in therapy.

[needtorecover 574]

Sounds like you dated some serious losers!! I can understand having self-esteem issues after having two horrible experiences like that.

I think it's probably a combination of being judged so harshly like that and losing all that weight and looking different now that's causing you to feel this way. Facial features look different when you're obese vs. average weight. I used to think my face was pretty when I was thin but now my eyes look tiny in their sea of fat, and my smile looks smaller because of my linebacker neck. It really sucks. But if you're used to seeing your face in its plump state and then all the fat disappears you probably pay closer attention to your features. I very well may feel differently after I lose the weight, too.

You are lovely, as others have already said, so popular opinion confirms your beauty but regardless, you just need to learn to see it yourself. Try different make-up techniques to see if you can enhance the features you do like and hide the ones that make you uncomfortable. Hopefully you'll grow happier with your appearance as time passes and you get used to the skinny version of you!

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

Makeup can help, but a genuine smile is the best enhancement.

I watch Survivor and it is interesting how jarring everyone's look is to me during the finale. I don't think it is because of the extra 20+ pounds that everyone has gained as much as the fact that they are wearing makeup and have blow-dried their hair.

[BigViffer 3,544]

I now have a husband who loves me no matter what and finds me attractive...

Pfft, well there you go! You've already won, anything else is just gravy.

[lauraellen80 855]

Makeup can help, but a genuine smile is the best enhancement.

Oh, don't get me started on how I look when I smile... my eyes get all crinkled up and I look all wrinkled and squinty...

Edited March 22, 2016 by lauraellen80

[catwoman7 11,212]

one good thing has come of it - now I'm often asked if I want a senior discount! (technically, I'm old enough - but I always looked younger than my age, so no one ever asked me. Not anymore!!)

[24601 210]

I recently hit goal and am about the same bmi as you. It is hard to be at goal (or under in your case) and not be 100% in love with everything, but nobody is going to be, ever. I have chicken arms and big thighs still. My face deflated and my hair is falling out. My stomach will never be very flat due to rapid weight loss and having three kids. We definitely need to give ourselves some slack and appreciate the good and how healthy we are. I still remember a quote from Cindi Crawford from a long time ago basically saying that the photos of her in magazines, she wished she looked like that. Congrats on how far you have come! You are beautiful!

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

sounds to me like you dodged some bullets with those losers. Did those relationships fail because of your looks, or because they were shallow asshats? Love is not something that disappears when you gain 10-20#

All I am saying is that genuine people put "looks" in their appropriate importance... way down on the list. And personally, I find positive, upbeat, intelligent, conversant people much more attractive than a "perfect looking" but uninteresting person. What i think of their personality influences my attraction to them immensely and I suspect that is true of many many people.

I have had relationships end, fail to start, or become soured because of my looks, though. From a guy in college who liked me enough to make out with me in my dorm but bluntly told me that I wasn't pretty enough and didn't have big enough boobs and a small enough waist to be "girlfriend material" for him, to a serious relationship that ended because he was "repulsed" by me after I'd gained 15-20 pounds and felt like I'd somehow tricked him into thinking I had myself more together than I really did... ugh.

oh, and I forgot to share the most important secret of them all... it actually does not matter that much. Seriously.

So, movie stars leverage their looks into great careers, but for most of us "real people" - a smile, a lively personality, a generous heart, an ear that listens, a friend you can count on - these are the things that the universe values. i personally think that a reasonable level of fitness is also very attractive, but partly that is because it brings a certain positive energy to the table. I have never had a "failed" relationship due to looks. ever.

I am into horses and dogs and what I notice is that we are initially drawn to "flashy" or colorful, but that becomes irrelevant if the critter is dud, or is difficult or not fun to be with. I think that pretty much applies to people too - looks are nice, but not really the stuff that makes you a valuable asset to friends, family, even a lover.

I really enjoy dressing fashionably, wearing makeup etc but the day I realized that I only care what I think about it - was quite liberating. Most others don't even really seem to notice!

I now have a husband who loves me no matter what and finds me attractive, so I should just let those old experiences go. Well, I've got something to talk about next week in therapy.

[gpmed 623]

Makeup can help, but a genuine smile is the best enhancement.

Oh, don't get me started on how I look when I smile... my eyes get all crinkled up and I look all wrinkled and squinty...

Mine do that too. I have a few extra wrinkles around my eyes because I've always squinted in the sun because I have blue eyes and the light bothers me more. Thing is, when other people smile, are you looking at the creases around their eyes and thinking they look bad? Or are you delighted by the happiness they're sharing with you? Trust me. People are noticing the light in your eyes and the contentment of a wide smile or grin, not thinking your eyes look "squinty." Everyone has these "imperfections."

Edited March 22, 2016 by gpmed

[AvaFern 3,516]

I also have that issue. My face was always one of my best features. During the hospital stay after sleeve surgery one of the orderlies said...oh well you have such a pretty face, when you lose the weight you will be beautiful. While I fluctuated between thin and fat, my face never bothered me. Well now that the rest of me is decent looking I'm a butter face...everything's good but her face. My eyes have wrinkles, my teeth are not white enough, I have a big forehead, and my hair isn't think enough. Things that I never noticed before are what I see now, so while from the neck down I look ok, from the neck up, I look old...and I'm 32, lol, so not actually that old. Most people guess I'm in my 20's, based probably on my size, but I do find that I am far more self-conscious about my face than I was before.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

To the OP ...

Has it occurred to you that you're currently judging yourself in the VERY SAME NEGATIVE WAY those two idiots from your past judged you?

Any epiphanies you might like to wring out of that fact?

[KindaFamiliar 3,867]

If this wasn't the girly bit part of the forum, I'd post the following -

This thread confuses me..,

And in its confusingness (it's a word, people!!), it pleases me...

You see, I'm finding comfort in the fact that someone who is CLEARLY an attractive person can be so f**cked up by what they've experienced in the past that they aren't really sure (or aware) that they are, in fact, a good looking person...

It makes me think that there may be a chance, no matter how slim, that, despite how I may feel about my somewhat rough head, I might actually be, at the very worst, a normal, reasonable looking guy...

No, this is not a fishing trip...

I'm not looking for compliments and/or a stroking of my ego...

This is a genuine reaction to a thread that I clicked on accidentally and then found myself unable to stop reading it...

But as I said, this is the "Ladies' Zone" - so I'd not be so bold as to invade the space and say any of the above...

Thanx for not reading this...

Kinda

[sengelken 51]

I can completely relate. When I was "fuller" I was always asked for my id well into my thirties and once in my early forties. I've lost 50+ and have 50+ more to go and will be 48 this year and I stare in the mirror and see jowls and wrinkles I never had when my face was fatter. I have friends who lost the weight really fast and even though they are younger they look really old beyond their years. I'm a slow loser so hopefully I don't have this problem. I try not to see the individual pieces but how they all fit together. And together I think I look pretty good for a almost 50 mother of four and grandmother of five! Yay me!

[BayougirlMrsS 3,934]

Wait a minute... is this a picture of you?

First let me say... i do understand the whole face thing ... my husband said... you looked prettier fattier, couldn't see all those wrinkles... FU Dude.

Everyone here knows i call it like i see it.... so here it go..... top to bottom: You have great hair and do you know how many woman would love to have you beautiful Almond shaped eyes... and you full lips... OMG... and your nose is not big or bumpy..... Your shape is adorable and i love the dress... if i were to critique anything.... Loss the black stockings... go for no stockings at all.... you look like you have great legs. Loss those since-able shoes.... get your self some cute heel strappy ones.... Maybe some highlights in your hair, and an appointment with a make up artist that can give you tips on what works best for you.... not that your make up looks bad.. That's it..

You really are a pretty woman. You should smile more... Remember this....... Nothing looks better on a person than self confidence.....

[Christinamo7 4,042]

also to add to what the others have said - Never ever. NEVER let yourself speak badly to yourself in a way that you would never speak to a friend. Kindness starts with yourself.

I've never seen a single person that I would not find beautiful. Seriously - we are all so different - but life is magic! and people of all ages are unfathomable miracles.

And you are darned cute.

It's hard to go through these changes and make adjustments. The last time I was a "normal" weight was more than 20 years ago. What will I look like when I get there? not the same as I did 20 years ago, I can count on that. But I hope the years, and the family, and the road I've traveled will make me more beautiful, even if I look a lot older.