female only More critical of facial features after WLS?

[lauraellen80 855]

I'm about 9 months post op and almost 20 pounds below goal. I should be happy with myself and feel beautiful, no?

No.

So, I was never the fat girl who got told, "But you have such a pretty face!" I chalked it up to the fact that my face is the first place I gain weight, and at my heaviest I looked really bloated in my face.

As I lost weight, I guess I was thinking that I might end up being pretty. But if anything, all my facial flaws that were once covered in a layer of fat are now exposed. I feel like now I'm a "butter face"... or worse, a deflated former fat girl with a jiggly stomach, droopy butt, AND an ugly face.

I look at pictures of myself and insteading of finding pride in how I look now, I just find new things to pick apart. I've started looking up facial plastic surgery procedures (not that I'd ever have the money to do it) to see if I can be "fixed"--my eyes are really asymmetrical (one is smaller and more closed-looking than the other), the distance between my nose and upper lip is too great and makes me look monkey-like, my lower face is too large gives me this uneven lopsided look, my nose is big and bumpy... and on and on.

Has anyone else felt like this?

And before anyone suggests it--yes, I'm already in therapy! :/

Edited March 21, 2016 by lauraellen80

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

Look for a makeup artist in your area that does one on one makeup sessions and book one. You can learn to correct a lot of what you are complaining about with artful makeup application.

[GibbsGirl 483]

There is always something you will find to criticize your appearance with, fix one thing you will find another. I have found that to be true, more so now than ever.

[catwoman7 11,214]

all I've noticed is how many wrinkles I have now - egad!

[James Marusek 5,244]

After surgery, my face developed very fine wrinkles. The kind of wrinkles you see on people that are 100 years old. I am 67 years old, so I can accept some wrinkles but this was extreme. My wife suggested I use a product called Bio-Oil which can be purchased in CVS, Walmart and other stores. I tried this and it corrected the problem. It took away all the wrinkles.

[HopeandAgony 566]

I can relate. I am down almost 70 lbs with plenty more left to lose, and now that my face is thinning out I am not happy with what I see either. I feel like my nose is huge, my face is 12 shades Pinker than my neck, and my neck looks like a wrinkly turkey neck. I didn't see these things when I was 70 lbs heavier. In rational moments I assure myself I am being overly self critical, and I am sure you are also. You look beautiful in your avatar photo. We both need to stop being our own worst critics!

Sent from my SM-N910P using the BariatricPal App

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Uh ... if your avatar is a recent photo of you, you are really attractive.

I think you may have some other issues -- dysmorphic ones. Seriously!

That's not to say that we each don't have things we'd like to improve / fix / disguise / highlight about our appearances. That's why Spanx and makeup were invented.

But seriously -- your written description of your face and your photograph do NOT coincide.

[princessprotein 13]

I think you lost weight and re directed your self criticism to your facial features. Seeing a counselor or coach of some kind may help with this. I think you are very cute and actually have nice features, especially lovely eyes and lips. I don't complement people unless I mean it. I was looking for a totally different thread but clicked yours. Seriously, from a stranger....chillax you're pretty.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

[BigViffer 3,544]

Wait a minute... is this a picture of you?

At first I thought you were fishing for compliments, but by the time I finished reading your post I looked at your profile. When I saw this picture, I realized you didn't have the slack-jaw coupled with a sloping forehead and knuckle dragging posture indicative of the typical mouth-breathing social media addicts that can only find approval from strangers telling them how pretty they are.

From a man that has nothing to gain from a compliment given to a young lady, let me reassure you that you are attractive. Very attractive. I believe the in the vernacular of today it would be safe to classify you as hottie. I would have called you a babe 20 years ago!

I think y@@VSGAnn2014 nailed it when she said you may be experiencing dysmorphia. The face and body you see in the mirror is not what you expect and it "feels" wrong, perhaps even alien. And what we perceive to be wrong or different is usually interpret to be a negative. You just keep doing what you are doing, because whatever that is; it is working!

[BigViffer 3,544]

AAaah! I just looked at the picture again.. look at the puppy! Aaaw. See? You're also a dog person! I'm thinking you are a major catch now.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I was last normal sized when I was in my early 20s. i never saw myself as beautiful then, partly because I was beaten down by insults, especially from my dad. Fast forward to my late 40s, I lose 150# and my facial features are really visible again. I never expected to be "pretty" but I was absolutely appalled at how I old I looked. I had a boyfriend who paid me lots of complliments and one time when we were talking about how much I had changed (he didn't know me pre weight loss) and he made the remark that I was so lucky on two counts given my former size - thin calves, so no cankles and such a pretty face. I have always had thin calves, but the face thing sounded like a baldface lie to me. I was gracious in accepting the compliment, but never believed a word of it.

I didn't talk about it much because I felt so ungrateful... to be whining about having such an ancient looking face. It fit in with some of the grief I had over missing out on decades worth of a normal life due to the obestiy.... but over time several people mentioned that I am fairly youthful looking etc etc.. and I began to suspect face dismorphia.

then it it hit me, the last time I saw my facial features like that I was in my early twenties. Of course I looked old compared to that! I really worked hard at accepting my face - the main thing I did was not allow myself to do the negative self talk. If I caught myself looking in the mirror saying horrible things about myself I would force myself to STOP. Over time, I think I have developed a more realistic view.

I have some remnants of losing 150# - my neck is a little weird looking. I talked to the doctor about a face lift and he told me to wait 8-10 years, I don't have deep wrinkles and I clean up nice. I like wearing makeup, so I have some put a bit of effort into learning how to do it again (after decades of not really trying).

So, hearing your story, seeing your picture - I think you too have dismorphia. You have picked something that you feel doesn't look good and have overly emphasized it. You are a very pretty young woman, you don't look like someone who has lost alot of weight (whatever THAT means) and I think you will find that if you keep a smile on your face, elimintate the hateful self talk ... over time you will start to see what the rest of us see. ... a woman who is beautiful inside and OUT.

I was last normal sized when I was in my early 20s. i never saw myself as beautiful then, partly because I was beaten down by insults, especially from my dad. Fast forward to my late 40s, I lose 150# and my facial features are really visible again. I never expected to be "pretty" but I was absolutely appalled at how I old I looked. I had a boyfriend who paid me lots of complliments and one time when we were talking about how much I had changed (he didn't know me pre weight loss) and he made the remark that I was so lucky on two counts given my former size - thin calves, so no cankles and such a pretty face. I have always had thin calves, but the face thing sounded like a baldface lie to me. I was gracious in accepting the compliment, but never believed a word of it.

I didn't talk about it much because I felt so ungrateful... to be whining about having such an ancient looking face. It fit in with some of the grief I had over missing out on decades worth of a normal life due to the obestiy.... but over time several people mentioned that I am fairly youthful looking etc etc.. and I began to suspect face dismorphia.

then it it hit me, the last time I saw my facial features like that I was in my early twenties. Of course I looked old compared to that! I really worked hard at accepting my face - the main thing I did was not allow myself to do the negative self talk. If I caught myself looking in the mirror saying horrible things about myself I would force myself to STOP. Over time, I think I have developed a more realistic view.

I have some remnants of losing 150# - my neck is a little weird looking. I talked to the doctor about a face lift and he told me to wait 8-10 years, I don't have deep wrinkles and I clean up nice. I like wearing makeup, so I have some put a bit of effort into learning how to do it again (after decades of not really trying).

So, hearing your story, seeing your picture - I think you too have dismorphia. You have picked something that you feel doesn't look good and have overly emphasized it. You are a very pretty young woman, you don't look like someone who has lost alot of weight (whatever THAT means) and I think you will find that if you keep a smile on your face, elimintate the hateful self talk ... over time you will start to see what the rest of us see. ... a woman who is beautiful inside and OUT.

[Djmohr 6,965]

I can totally relate to how you are feeling. I agree with so many of the posters here though.

Your pictures show a beautiful face! Seriously!

I find that I am so critical now of everything about my face and body. I am not sure why. I guess when I was fat, I did not care. Now that I am normal sized I find myself constantly looking at flaws.

I don't know why we do this to ourselves but one of my Bariatric nurses pointed this out about how we begin to pick at ourselves. She had RNY too and suggested giving yourself time for your brain to catch up with our bodies.

Work with your therapist on this. They should be able to help you work through it.

But rest assured, what you see, the rest of us do not. You look fantastic both your face and your body!

[mngreeneyes 674]

There are always things we can do with makeup etc to bring out our best features and hide/minimize the ones we don't like, but unless we can actually see ourselves as we truly are, all the makeup and Spanx in the world won't help. I was never told that I had a pretty face either, but I was told I had a great smile and amazing eyes. So those are the things I try to bring out, but I am also a pretty low maintenance person so I don't care enough to spend hours on hair and makeup. I go for simple. I am appreciating the comments I've been getting lately about how great I look and I can see my progress, especially as I get into smaller and smaller clothes. But pretty has never been my goal. Would I love someone to see me as beautiful? Yes, but that, for me, is the cherry on top of getting healthy. I am afraid if your only goal from surgery is pretty or healthy, you may never find that. Its too subjective and our brains will fight that and continue to find fault.

My suggestion is to find something tangible to be your goal. i.e. train and run/walk a 5k, 10k, marathon, or triathlon; train for and hike a mountain or trail that you've always dreamed of; train for and go on a bike/walk vacation; train for and take a running cruise; etc. Pick something you've seen others do and thought looked fun but out of your reach because of your size and work towards that goal. You will learn so much about yourself along the way. Pretty is fleeting no matter your size or age, but an accomplishment you never thought possible can't be taken away. The memories are yours forever. And along the way, you might find that people see your confidence and enthusiasm as the beautiful you were looking for.

pam

[lauraellen80 855]

Wait a minute... is this a picture of you?

At first I thought you were fishing for compliments, but by the time I finished reading your post I looked at your profile. When I saw this picture, I realized you didn't have the slack-jaw coupled with a sloping forehead and knuckle dragging posture indicative of the typical mouth-breathing social media addicts that can only find approval from strangers telling them how pretty they are.

From a man that has nothing to gain from a compliment given to a young lady, let me reassure you that you are attractive. Very attractive. I believe the in the vernacular of today it would be safe to classify you as hottie. I would have called you a babe 20 years ago!

I think y@@VSGAnn2014 nailed it when she said you may be experiencing dysmorphia. The face and body you see in the mirror is not what you expect and it "feels" wrong, perhaps even alien. And what we perceive to be wrong or different is usually interpret to be a negative. You just keep doing what you are doing, because whatever that is; it is working!

Yes, that's me. And my sweet old pup in the background. Glad to hear that I don't fit in with the typical attention-whores. I would like to think that I'm not looking for validation or compliments... rather, I guess I'm posting from a place of frustration that I'm still unhappy with how I look after all this and am wondering if others deal with the same thing.

One of the things that keep happening is that I'll take a picture or see a picture of myself now and initially think, "All right, I look pretty good!" But then I look at it again, more closely, and see all these flaws. I avoided pictures of myself entirely when I was at my heaviest, so it may also be that I got used to willfully ignoring how I looked and just assuming the answer was "gross." And now I'm paying a lot more attention to how I look and am now noticing all these little details that didn't seem to matter before. I'm also one of those annoying people who likes to copy-edit, so details that no one else notices and/or cares about are kinda my thing.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

oh, and I forgot to share the most important secret of them all... it actually does not matter that much. Seriously.

So, movie stars leverage their looks into great careers, but for most of us "real people" - a smile, a lively personality, a generous heart, an ear that listens, a friend you can count on - these are the things that the universe values. i personally think that a reasonable level of fitness is also very attractive, but partly that is because it brings a certain positive energy to the table. I have never had a "failed" relationship due to looks. ever.

I am into horses and dogs and what I notice is that we are initially drawn to "flashy" or colorful, but that becomes irrelevant if the critter is dud, or is difficult or not fun to be with. I think that pretty much applies to people too - looks are nice, but not really the stuff that makes you a valuable asset to friends, family, even a lover.

I really enjoy dressing fashionably, wearing makeup etc but the day I realized that I only care what I think about it - was quite liberating. Most others don't even really seem to notice!