Help My husband is forcing me to eat.

[sarabluebell 0]

:bounce:After reading what everyone has to say I thought maybe I should clear some misconceptions up. He worried I'm not eating enough and am being a bad example to my children at family dinner time. Hes worried that my daughter 6, who is considered overweight (barly) is going to pick up on what he sees as bad eating habits to lose weight. He wants me to eat more because he for some reason believes I'm starving. I tried to explain to him that I'm not but he concerned. I do have to say that I do agree that no one can force me to eat, but I just want to keep the peace at dinner and not fight about it. I guess it's a good time to talk to my hubby and lay the ground rules about who decides how much I eat. I do think some people were harsh, and others very nice. But thats whats great about this site, we sometimes have to hear things we don't want to. oh and for those wondering I was 140 when my husband and I met.

[brandottie01 0]

I have a husband who is very similar. He goes to both spectrums. IF he doesn't think that I am eating enough he will comment on it. If he doesn't think that I need to eat something then he will comment on that too. Now he knows better than to think he can force me to eat but he also knows that sometimes I do need someone to remind me that I shouldn't eat something. I think he will have a hard time after I am banded because he has always tried to make sure I don't do some drastic dieting that could be harmful. I plan on measuring my food with him to show him how much I should eat. I know he is just concerned about my health either way. I do find that with my husband visuals help so maybe you could measure your food to show him how much you are supposed to eat and that you are consuming plenty of calories. I am hoping to not teach my son to eat as much as I do so I think the band will be a good thing.

[MissNilsa 0]

Wow, sorry to hear this. it sounds like a control issue. Why don't you remind him that you need to eat according to what the doctor and surgery requires. He shouldn't be pressuring you into eating more, it is counter productive. If I were you, I would call the doctor and have him speak to the doctor directly. I mean, it sounds like someone needs to get through to him, other than yourself. Who better than your surgeon?

[Sugarbear 2]

Is he overweight? I think I would try to sit down and talk with him over this, if possible. Let him know you researched this and you are being supervised by a doctor about your diet. He may not understand how this really works. Give him that oppotunity to learn and understand. If he doesn't want to do that then you have to take control of YOUR situation. All the vomiting could cause slippage, you know the rules. Does he? Take care of you and your band. I am sorry but it does sound like he has issues. I am sure you know what he is doing, and maybe why. keep us informed and we will try and help you as things progress or deteriorate. Take care. Fill us in on a little more detail of his knowlege. We might better help you if we know a little more about him.

[plc 0]

hey Kacee, I see you had your band done by dr. spivak. I'm scheduled for 8/27/07 and I'm really scared. I don't know what to really expect. Everyone talks about being too full, how do you know how much to put in? I match your profile 226 and would like to get down to 150 but I don't want to be miserable. I wish there was a book that would help me get prepared and what to expect. PLC

[plc 0]

OK, the way I see it ... he cares about you and the family and you care about the family. So, everyones heart is in the right place. Now, just try to get everyones brain going in the same direction. I'm a therapist so my sugestions will be somewhat psychobabblish but for what it's worth...

To ease the stress let your husband know what and how much you are eating, cal, fat, etc... give him as much info as you can. Explain to him what you are doing to ensure that you are not "starving". The kids need this info also. Spend time talking to everyone about healthy diets, explain that although you are cutting back you are having to choose healthy when you do eat. Everyone has to talk about their fears or this can snowball into a real big issue.

[Sugarbear 2]

Just now saw you re-post. Explain to the children why you are eating less. Also you may be eating different foods so you can get healthy and stay healthy. Also explain how much better you will be when you lose the EXCESS weight you don't need, and the doctor is helping you. If your husband has genuine concerns and I am sure he does, discuss them in private and Iron out the wrinkles without fighting at dinner. THAT isn't good for anyone, let alone the children. Tell your husband dieting doesn't need to be an issue at the table. The kids will know "food" is an issue if he doesn't quit it, even though he may mean well. The kids may learn how to eat healthy along with you. I wish I had developed those eating habits instead of strugleing now. Let the kids know kids and adults need different amounts and kinds of food and why. I think this is all about understanding what everyone needs. Kids are smarter than we think. Good luck! Keep us posted.

[Betsyjane 2]

If I have said anything harsh, I apologize. I truly have your best interests at heart, and I know I have a sensitive spot when I read posts of strangers recommending that husbands get kicked to the curb. I'll be careful.

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

If I have said anything harsh, I apologize. I truly have your best interests at heart, and I know I have a sensitive spot when I read posts of strangers recommending that husbands get kicked to the curb. I'll be careful.

I agree with you, I think the comment about ending 12 years due to frustrations due to eating was a bit knee jerk. I think the point of the person (and they are free to correct me if I am wrong) is that we got this surgery to be healthy, many to save their lives. If someone is going to try to ruin it, the OP needs to take her health first. Kinda like two alcoholics that are married. One stops drinking and the other wants them to start drinking again so they don't lose their drinking partner.

I don't think that is what is going on. I think the OPs hubby just wants their kids raised without eating disorders.

My biggest thought is to keep the bickering away from the kids. That just isn't going to help instill healthy eating habits.

[Betsyjane 2]

I think it just takes spouses awhile to adjust. We go into this researching and preparing, and our spouses are kind of just along for the ride until reality hits.

[violeteyes37 0]

Its my brother that is trying to force me to eat. I know that it is completely out of concern and nothing else for his reasoning. I think its kind of funny. I found out that he had actually went to our mother with his concerns. Since I had been on the preop diet and than was banded thru the summer holidays he really noticed that I wasnt eating at the barbecues. He knew I had the surgery but I dont think he realized how much my eating would be reduced and how dedicated I was going to be in sticking to the plan. My sister inlaw his wife is planning on having gastric in September ( I tried to talk her out of it) and told him that if he is worried that I dont eat anymore wait until she has her surgery. Her situation is going to be even worse than mine. Im able to eat if I wanted to but that she is probably going to get sick when she tries to eat. I joke with her and tell her that she isnt going to lose any weight at all because he is going to have a feeding tube installed so that he can force feed her.

[Liz1531 3]

I think my hubby would be just the same because we aren't eating half of what we used to. They just get concerned about our well being. It's annoying but also sweet that they care enough to notice. I'd just say... oh honey I ate SOOO much for lunch or something like that. Good luck!

[Marimaru 7]

You might log calories for a bit. If you can show him daily for a little while that you really are taking care of yourself, maybe he'll lay off. Also, your daughter is young enough that you can teach her what you are doing (over time) and explain that you are eating enough but not too much, and that your needs as an adult are different than her needs as a growing girl.

Don't sabotage yourself to keep peace in your house. Things like that can cause resentment and things like that. I would say sit him down and chat with him and come to an understanding.

[KtKt 0]

I just have to pipe in and say how amazing this board is - and this string in particular shows how much help, support, care, and strength is here to help us all through this journey...

Sara, keep us posted on how you're doing, and how your family has adjusted as well... sometimes I think we get focused on ourselves, and forget that the band also impacts those who know us and love us best! In the long run, it's a learning experience for everyone...

Those of you who have posted here have been amazing... I love this group!

katie

[Telecia 1]

Wow sounds like a lack of communication somewheres.

It is good that he is worried, but it sounds like he isn't truly and totally aware of things around him. I agree with someone else saying the kids need to be informed. They do. Cause kids notice when things aren't right in the home even if its not brought up. And talking with them about why you chose the band and how you are supposed to eat. Might actually be a blessing to you. You might find they are one of your best support options.

Have you talked with him about his reactions?? He may think hes being supportive and not realize this is causing more stress on you then being helpful.

Allot of times lack of communication in relationships cause tons of problems that can be avoided.

And if he's not willing to talk about it. Maybe some councelling, have him also read these forums, go to an occasional support meeting, or with you to the doctors. It could be hes feeling *Left out*

There could be other issues also. Like others mentioned jealousy, fear, helplessness. Who knows, everyone reacts differently, only he can tell you whats really going on.

The idea of keeping records of what you do eat daily to show him sounds like a good idea.

Especially when he isn't around, trying to fit a whole days eating in just a few short hours isn't good for you.

I haven't got my band yet but I plan on the whole family going through some major diet changes, as I go through them. Hoping this will help teach my kids to eat better also as my 14 year old daughter has a weight problem also.

In fact I have already started some changes.. More vegetables and salads and less Pasta, rice, potatoes.

And while my daughter is griping my sons all for it and loves it. He's 12 and my biggest cheerleader