Help My husband is forcing me to eat.

[sarabluebell 0]

I know we all need to eat, but my husband (12 years) is going overboard to the point where we are now fighting about how much I eat. I sometimes (at family meals) eat more then I should and end up just throwing it all up. Not PB. My husband then gets mad at me for it. It started at 318 and am now down to 229, so I have much more to lose. I try to eat a lot of brothy Soups so it looks like I'm eating alot. How do I deal with this. Sometimes I go all day without eating until he gets home so he sees every bite I eat. Has anyone else had this problem? What can I say to him?

[dmtjet 0]

I know we all need to eat, but my husband (12 years) is going overboard to the point where we are now fighting about how much I eat. I sometimes (at family meals) eat more then I should and end up just throwing it all up. Not PB. My husband then gets mad at me for it. It started at 318 and am now down to 229, so I have much more to lose. I try to eat a lot of brothy Soups so it looks like I'm eating alot. How do I deal with this. Sometimes I go all day without eating until he gets home so he sees every bite I eat. Has anyone else had this problem? What can I say to him?

It sounds like your husband is very obsessive! Way over the top! Do you think he may be fearful, maybe even jealous, of what you are becoming? Maybe he sees you turning into a sexy, desirable lady and he is fearful of losing you and thus is consciously or unconsciously trying to sabbotage your attempts to lose anymore! Not sure, but just an uneducated guess! I wish you the best!

[beachgirl 2]

God,

My husband is that bad in the other direction. I've not been eating over 800 calories a day the past 2 weeks and am losing about 3 to 4 pounds a week and he will see me eating something and say, do you really need that. Didn't you have lapband so you wouldn't eat. Really hurts my feelings. I know I'm still overweight but I was in 26's and 280 pounds and 5'8" and now I'm at 210, dang give me a break. Hope yours lightens up though. Nothing worse than someone being on you constantly.

[Manatee 4]

We can't help you.

We can sympathize and empathize and write encouraging messages, but YOU are the only one who can change the situation. Until he's physically forcing food down your throat, you are choosing to eat more to pacify him.

Really, you have decision to make: continue to take the abuse and eat more; make him change his behaviour and eat less; or leave him. I know this sounds harsh, but as someone who has FINALLY removed myself from an emotionally abusive relationship I know that those really are the only solutions.

Hopefully you can find the strength to stand against his unreasonable demands. It's time for you to blossom.

[beachgirl 2]

Wow,

I didn't read all of that into the situation. I just think you have an overconcerned husband. I've been married 25 years to the same man and they can be that way at times. I'm sure in time he'll catch on to your banded and just don't want to eat. Hang in there.

[Jachut 487]

Boy, sounds like he has issues!

I think you need to remember you are doing this for yourself. Nobody can force you to eat something unless you let them.

But its sure difficult when perhaps you feel your relationship or the status quo is in jeaopardy - I agree it sounds like this is about more than just food.

You need to find a way to stand up for yourself, and he needs to deal with the fact that he cant control what you do. I wish I could help mre than that, but really, that's a matter for you and how you wish to approach your relationship.

[Oregondaisy 2,021]

Tell him that your doctor told you that the lap band is designed to have you only eat 3 oz at a time.

[TerriDoodle 6]

I have a question: How much ARE you eating? What is a typical/ideal day for you?

I heard you say:

"I don't eat all day until he gets home" (not healthy)

"I eat brothy Soups so it looks like I'm eating a lot" (uh, where's the Protein?)

"I eat more than I should and then throw up. Not PB"..(like bulimics do?)

I get from your post that he has a right to be concerned. Sure, he might be handling it entirely wrong, but his worry seems justified in the little information you've given us.

[Betsyjane 2]

WHOA! Take a deep breath. There are rules to living well with the band. You got the band for your health. Follow your band rules.

No matter what others struggle with about our bands, the band is very personal, and you are in charge of going through that great journey following the band rules so you get healthy. It's not what happens to us in life that matters...it's what we do about what happens to us.

Don't make this about your husband. Make this about yourself and being true to your health and your band rules no matter what obstacles arise. Work on changing "He is forcing me to eat", to "He is being a minor inconvenience, and my eating behavior is my responsibility".

In a way, this is a good thing. If you can resist pressure from him, you will have enough practice to resist pressure from the rest of the world too.....like food ads on TV...fast food places, etc. He's just giving you opportunities to practice.

Set up a plan. Ideally, you might want to be thinking about an egg fro Breakfast or a Protein shake....meat and vege for lunch, meat and vege for dinner...a fruit snack.... Whatever. But your focus has to be your plan and not him. You have plenty to do to set your courswe without putting energy into his course. Don't use him as an excuse to get sidetracked.

[hotpink_bubbles 0]

I think you are all being way too harsh on her, I know how she feels exactly. People that care alot about you, are seeing that your not eating much and they want you to eat more. I highly doubt, she is bulimic....nor is she wanting to do this. LAY OFF people, This board is for SUPPORT, not for you to come on here, and post snotty comments to her because she is having a hard time...just back off, all you gotta say is i understand how you feel maybe you could try this.....NOT point out whats wrong with her.

~Hotpink~

[faithmd 14]

I think you are all being way too harsh on her, I know how she feels exactly. People that care alot about you, are seeing that your not eating much and they want you to eat more. I highly doubt, she is bulimic....nor is she wanting to do this. LAY OFF people, This board is for SUPPORT, not for you to come on here, and post snotty comments to her because she is having a hard time...just back off, all you gotta say is i understand how you feel maybe you could try this.....NOT point out whats wrong with her.

~Hotpink~

HPB, I fail to see where ANYONE has been snotty or rude to the OP. I think Manatee was merely being blatantly honest. Everyone above you offered suggestions for what she could do. Very diverse suggestions. Obviously there are issues with him or her or with the relationship. What husband who completely understands the Band and has learned all he can about how it works (which is what a mate should do) would be exhibiting the behaviors she's telling us he is? Certainly we don't have all of the story, there are many things missing. Actually, it really didn't make a whole lot of sense to me as it was written. I can't tell if the OP is saying he's upset because she's eating too much, or because she's eating too little. I also can't tell if she's saying she vomits because she's so upset at their fighting, or because she eats too much (but she says it isn't a PB-though how could it not be, if it's a quantity issue?). I also can't tell if she isn't eating all day until he gets home because she wants to save her calories until he's in front of her so she doesn't overeat, or if she doesn't eat all day because he doesn't want her eating too much. It's hard to understnd if he's forcing her to eat because he is upset because she's losing weight. Is that because he likes heavy women, was she heavy when they married? Is he insecure and thinks she'll leave him if she loses weight? Is he heavy? Is he jealous because she's losing and he isn't? So many things aren't answered here.

Yes, this board is for support, but support encompasses offering reasonable suggestions and asking questions. How would it be helpful to stroke her and say, "We're sorry, it's going to be alright"? Because you know what, maybe it won't be. But we won't be able to help if we don't write our thoughts and ask questions.

I also fail to see where anyone points out that something is WRONG with her. I see where people offering suggestions on how to look into herself (BetsyJane for example) and see if something she is feeling or doing-even if unconsciously-could be contributing to what's going on.

People that "care a lot about you" and know about your being banded should have taken the time to learn about it and shouldn't be (using the OP's term) forcing her to eat. If it's someone who doesn't know about your band, then what would they care how much you are eating, anyway? I'd call that a busybody.

[kacee 3]

It's called "Tough Love"...Sarabluebell, you are an adult. You do NOT have to let someone FORCE you to do anything you don't want to do. PERIOD. Not only does it sound like he has major issues with your weight loss (is he the jealous type? I wonder if he is the type who will resent the new YOU) but you are forming extremely unhealthy habits that are sabotaging your success. You need to tell him that the band works a certain way and you are following doctor's orders. Period. Sounds to me like he needs a little lapband education on the process. If that's what it is, enlighten him. If not, it's not about you but about him and you need to steer clear of that negativity. Maybe you should have him go with you to your doctor and meet with him to explain what it is you need to be doing. Your hubby can argue with you, but he cannot argue with a medical professional.

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

Your husband can't force you to eat unless he straps you down and force feeds you. What goes in your mouth is your choice, plain and simple.

[jillrn 0]

I wouldnt throw away 12 years just yet! He is obviously concerned about something. I would take him to see your band dr or dietcian and have them explain your diet. If he is insecure- do somethings to help him be secure in the relationship. We would want that if the roles were reversed. Alot of woman feel insecure this way when gaining weight with pregnancy and such, and would like their man to make them feel secure in his love, not like "it's your problem your gaining, and insecure about it,not mine!" IF we truely are honoring the vows we took, issues in marriage are both spouses issues, not his issue vs her issue. Even if the other spouse is not living up to the vows to love, cherish, etc.

I really see this as you having a marital issue and not a band issue- I think with some patience and help you can get your husband through this! Good luck! JIll

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

I know we all need to eat, but my husband (12 years) is going overboard to the point where we are now fighting about how much I eat. I sometimes (at family meals) eat more then I should and end up just throwing it all up. Not PB. My husband then gets mad at me for it. It started at 318 and am now down to 229, so I have much more to lose. I try to eat a lot of brothy Soups so it looks like I'm eating alot. How do I deal with this. Sometimes I go all day without eating until he gets home so he sees every bite I eat. Has anyone else had this problem? What can I say to him?

One other thought, you are losing 1.5 pounds weekly, you are right on target. You are not eating too much or too little if you maintain this so don't worry about it.