Are "Food Funerals" normal/okay?

[crazygoose 190]

On my first visit to my surgeon he said I can never have carbs, bread and soda ever again and that my diet would have to be strict in order to work with the sleeve. Since then I decided to say goodbye to my favorite foods and made a bucket list of things I wanted to eat for the last time because I know I would have to make a big lifestyle change once I go on the two week liquid diet leading up to the surgery. My plan was to enjoy it while I can because I know I can never eat these foods ever again. It's like a bachelor on the night before his wedding day, enjoying his last night of freedom. However as I've stated in another post, my family does not support me having the surgery.

For years they have criticized and made fun of my weight and now that I want to do something about it, its just been nothing but discouragement and opposition from them. What they fail to realize is once I have my mind set on something I give 100% and I know I will reach my goal. A long time ago I went on a diet and lost 70lbs. At the time I wasn't nearly as heavy as I am now but the reason why it failed is because once I reached my goal weight I wanted to stop losing but didn't know how to transition into eating normal to maintain a healthy weight plus at the time I was young and not mentally ready and I was terrified of my new body. But now I am ready and mentally prepared, heck I passed my psych evaluation for Christ's sake!

So back to the main question of the topic. While I'm having my food funerals, if I have a can of soda my family freaks out and says: "See you shouldn't have the surgery!" A few days ago I quit drinking soda for 5 days just to see if I can do it and I did it easily, but made a conscious decision to start back drinking them because my liquid diet starts next week, 6 days from now and I will never be able to drink soda again so like I said I want to enjoy it while I can. In the mean time I am preparing myself for the life style change in other ways like researching my diet, buying things I need for my diet, looking up gyms and exercise programs I want to get into and getting my ducks in a row, heck everything I watch on tv has been nothing but weight loss shows. So is it okay or normal to have food funerals?

Edited March 18, 2016 by crazygoose

[liposuction68 178]

YUP! I AM .

[4MRB4PHOTO 3,900]

No. Those foods did not die and they will not be gone forever.

[FrankyG 1,450]

Doing food funerals is just reinforcing binging behavior and your poor relationship with food. It happens, but you should absolutely not think they are "normal" because they are just awful and depressing and pointless.

You can have any of those things after about a year out (once you're through the healing and relearning to eat properly process). You could eventually have soda and bread and such, but you can't have those things regularly and you need to make sure they fit in your calorie allotment for the day and don't over do any of it. This is stuff you have only occasionally - like eating a small slice of cake at your birthday party. But there will be many times where you may even decide that you don't like that stuff that much any more if you are good about finding healthy foods you love to eat and don't hurt you or cause you to feel poorly.

(I was recently trapped on a layover for hours with nothing but a damned vending machine full of crappy food - I had to eat, but the junk made me feel bloated and gross and I have no desire to eat that stuff if I have healthier options). And I do drink soda several times a week, but it is diet and I pour it over lots of ice and let the bubbles die down quite a bit, and up my Water intake to account for the dehydration that a soda can cause. You learn to make adjustments if you want this to work out for you in the long run.

Your surgeon is being a bit extremist but it's likely he is doing this because he's seen too many people come through his doors expecting to be able to eat that crap like they always have and still lose all their weight. Some folks are just not realistic about what to do and expect the sleeve to do all the heavy lifting for them.

This is not a diet. This is a total lifestyle change. And gorging on foods that you think you will miss? That is just sad and will make you obsess over them after the surgery. Stop giving CRAPPY food such power over your life. It's just junk. You can have it, but hopefully you won't really want it anymore (at least on a daily/week/monthly basis).

The big deal with having this surgery, according to my doctor (who is a national bariatic training surgeon that taught other doctors how to perform things like the sleeve) is that anyone can lose weight for the first year or so even eating absolute crap - cake, Cookies, french fries and deep fried whatever due the forced Portion Control and reduction of daily caloric intake. But after about a year to 18 months, the body adjusts to what you're eating and if you are still eating crap, then expect to have the weight start coming back. And then those folks blame the sleeve for failing them - when they are actually the ones that failed. (eating high fat/carbs/sodium foods like snack and fast food that tend to have very little Protein, Vitamins and other important nutritional needs, which mean your body is literally starving for nutrients while being bloated with fat and carbs and salt. So you'll keep craving more food because the body is trying to get what it needs from the crap foods and you'll possibly gain back every pound in the process)

He said the point of this surgery was to provide you with a restriction to get your food portions under control and also to reduce hunger cues so you're not binging on bad-for-you foods like cake or bread or Pasta. The hard work comes from breaking your dependence on unhealthy foods while you're in this honeymoon period and regain some control over your appetite and cravings, and teaching yourself how to eat healthy foods. High Protein, low carb, moderate fat diet, with small portions is the way this ends up working for the rest of your life.

Take a big step back and focus on eating a bit better and really work on your relationship with food. And definitely start trying real, healthy foods now as well. Mourning the loss of crappy stuff is the wrong way to be; focus on the amazing, awesome stuff you'll be able to do very soon and learning how to eat healthy whole foods and improving your health - be positive instead of negative and I just know you'll be much happier too.

Good luck!!

Edited March 18, 2016 by FrankiesGirl

[crazygoose 190]

Thank you so much for taking the time to explain this all to me. I really wish I had joined bariatricpal sooner. I think you are absolutely right and maybe I have been looking at this the wrong way. I will try to work on my relationship with food because I think that's been the real problem. I feel like I'm missing a lot of useful information and will spend the rest of the week trying to learn as much as I can. My surgeon told me that if I drank soda I will explode and die and that really freaked my sister out and some how the whole family is convinced I will mess up and kill myself. I really want this to work and become fully committed to the lifestyle change again thank you so much for explaining this to me.

[2goldengirl 2,076]

Thank you so much for taking the time to explain this all to me. I really wish I had joined bariatricpal sooner. I think you are absolutely right and maybe I have been looking at this the wrong way. I will try to work on my relationship with food because I think that's been the real problem. I feel like I'm missing a lot of useful information and will spend the rest of the week trying to learn as much as I can. My surgeon told me that if I drank soda I will explode and die and that really freaked my sister out and some how the whole family is convinced I will mess up and kill myself. I really want this to work and become fully committed to the lifestyle change again thank you so much for explaining this to me.

Forgive me, but I think this is really irresponsible of your surgeon No, you will NOT "explode and die". However, most sleevers do find that carbonation does not agree with them postop. In the immediate postop period (4-6 weeks, while your stomach and body heal), it's critical to follow your surgeon's guidelines. But your body will tell you, bite by bite, what it will and won't tolerate well after that. You have to learn to listen to your body and let your need for fuel outweigh the pull of the desires in your head that lead you toward unhealthy food choices.

Some surgeons flat-out lie to their patients to scare them into adherence to postop guidelines. I think it's insulting.

[suepro 39]

Very odd behaviour for your surgeon to try and use scare tactics. Most surgeons will explain why you should adopt good long term eating habits. I had a dentist once who to me that if I didn't have the treatment he recommended that all my teeth would fall out. Needless to say I found a new dentist.

Back to your original question about whether people have a last food binge, I am not on my pre op diet for another week and am going out on Saturday with a group of friends who don't know about my surgery and I will eat as I normally would. My stomach hasn't yet been reduced in size so I am viewing it as my last supper before my new life.

When I was banded I lost and maintained all excess weight for 5 years and had no problem with going to restaurants and eating on plan. I stopped drinking alcohol and carbonated drinks back and have never regained that habit.

Post surgery, tastes alter and the things I missed were things like cherry tomatoes, grapes and various other fruit and veg. I did not miss carbs.

My surgical team for my bypass have emphasised, healthy eating, long term, small portions, Protein first, then veggies and very little refined carbs.

Good luck to you x

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[SassyNanny 311]

I did. Big salads. bread. Desserts. I bid them a fond farewell. I have no regrets. Sure I will have salads and maybe even bread if I have the need, but not in mass quantities. I'm really glad I had the surgery. I'm down 56pounds in 4 months. Funerals worked for me. Better the food than me having a funeral.

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[Dub 9,922]

As I was approaching my surgery date I did have a few food funerals. Up until two weeks prior to surgery it was my belief that I would be having gastric bypass.

There were specifics about my size, height and BMI at that point that had my surgeon encouraging me in the strongest possible way to have a sleeve instead. I took his advice and chose the sleeve at that point. He explained that in time....once I hit maintenance living that any foods and most drinks would be.....or could be, in moderation, on my personal menu. I realized that there was no need to say goodbye forever to carbs and such....but to simply follow his eating plan and work through the various stages.

I have found as I near my 5th month that I have zero cravings for foods. Don't get me wrong....I immensely enjoy the flavors and smells of good food, it's just that I'm very content being a small eating carnivore. Tasty grilled Proteins in 1/2 cup sized meals are savored and that is plenty and satisfies me.

[katanne 215]

I think it's not at all unusual to want a "Last Supper"/food funeral...that said, I think they should be resisted if at all possible. The pre-op period (3-6 months of medically supervised diet most of us have) is the time to learn new eating habits, not an opportunity to gorge on whatever made us obese in the first place.

That said, I'd be lying if I said chocolate donuts didn't call my name very often. I resist by telling myself getting off the carbs and sweets NOW can only help later when I'm sleeved.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Really don't like to hear about surgeons who lie to their patients. It truly is insulting.

And in the long run, it can hamper our recovery and our ability to create and adhere to a healthy lifestyle.

[rking 484]

i was very similar to you i think. i knew when i set my mind to something, it is over i ate whatever the heck i wanted to eat right before my pre op liquid diet started (which i was deathly afraid of). i knew i would be doing liquids and then Clear Liquids 2 weeks post op and i didnt feel that bad food was going to hurt anything at that point. and guess what!!!! i am 4 months post op and have lost 45 pounds. eating all that before pre op did not kill my weight loss....which i knew it would not. i do have Pasta and bread occasionally. my doc said that carbonated drinks could stretch the sleeve so i have not had a coke since right before my pre op diet. hell, i survived that too! trust me when i say i was a cokeaholic. i lived them. it was my personal drug of choice first thing in the morning. every now and then i really, really want one and feel like i have to call my AA sponsor hahaha. i dont have an AA sponsor, but i feel like i know what it would feel like. i just tell myself, NO! and go on. cokes are the one thing i will not have again in my life. i still taste the occasional dessert. i will not do without any food the rest of my life that i want. i know it is alright to have something every once in a while. it is really weird how my body and mind just took to this whole new way of eating. it just comes naturally. i eat my Protein first, then if i am even the least bit hungry, i have a bite or two of veggies. my Protein normally fills me up. actually, i have to push myself to finish my 3 or 4 ounces of meat that i have because i have to get 100 g of protein a day.

i am sorry your family does not support you. you can find tons of support here. these people here have been a life saver to me. i learned more from here than anywhere. you are not going to fail at this, like i said, i think you and i are similar. you do not have to stop having cokes until you start your pre op diet. should you stop now? yes. but life will go on if you don't. just make up your mind to do what you are supposed to do once the pre op diet starts. i found following the new found diet, post surgery, was really pretty darn easy. it does not bother me in the least. even my husband, who never compliments me, says how impressed he is that i have actually following directions!

you can do this and you WILL do this!!!!!!! i cannot wait to hear back from you after surgery :)

[Spinderella 9]

I think there's "food funerals", where like others have mentioned you might find yourself gourging on unhealthy and bad food.

However, I don't think there is anything wrong with a so-called, "last supper" or something to say Celebrate your new life change.

My family and I were thinking of doing just a nice meal (protein, salad, maybe a baked potato?) since I'm not really saying goodbye forever to these foods, but more just having it be the last time I'm eating these foods in my current state. It'll be awhile before I can have some of these foods again and I would like to have a nice meal with my family before I embark on my liquid diet that will carry over into my post op diet for a few months after.

It's all about choices and how you choose to prepare yourself. I did away with ice cream or anything that was super "toxic" to my journey awhile back. Just try to look forward, Celebrate the new journey you're embarking on and don't look back.

Good luck to you and we will get through this together!

[atontor 1,068]

On my first visit to my surgeon he said I can never have carbs, bread and soda ever again and that my diet would have to be strict in order to work with the sleeve. Since then I decided to say goodbye to my favorite foods and made a bucket list of things I wanted to eat for the last time because I know I would have to make a big lifestyle change once I go on the two week liquid diet leading up to the surgery. My plan was to enjoy it while I can because I know I can never eat these foods ever again. It's like a bachelor on the night before his wedding day, enjoying his last night of freedom. However as I've stated in another post, my family does not support me having the surgery.

For years they have criticized and made fun of my weight and now that I want to do something about it, its just been nothing but discouragement and opposition from them. What they fail to realize is once I have my mind set on something I give 100% and I know I will reach my goal. A long time ago I went on a diet and lost 70lbs. At the time I wasn't nearly as heavy as I am now but the reason why it failed is because once I reached my goal weight I wanted to stop losing but didn't know how to transition into eating normal to maintain a healthy weight plus at the time I was young and not mentally ready and I was terrified of my new body. But now I am ready and mentally prepared, heck I passed my psych evaluation for Christ's sake!

So back to the main question of the topic. While I'm having my food funerals, if I have a can of soda my family freaks out and says: "See you shouldn't have the surgery!" A few days ago I quit drinking soda for 5 days just to see if I can do it and I did it easily, but made a conscious decision to start back drinking them because my liquid diet starts next week, 6 days from now and I will never be able to drink soda again so like I said I want to enjoy it while I can. In the mean time I am preparing myself for the life style change in other ways like researching my diet, buying things I need for my diet, looking up gyms and exercise programs I want to get into and getting my ducks in a row, heck everything I watch on tv has been nothing but weight loss shows. So is it okay or normal to have food funerals?

Hi. Food funerals are normal for some. I did it. I was sleeved on 5/29/15 I was nervous about the surgery also seeing my restrictions food. In regards to family I didn't tell them. Only my fiancée knew and my boss . I can honestly say I do eat bread but only the crust part along with homemade chili . My may have a spoon a Pasta from my daughters plate but all of this didn't happen until I was 5 months post op. And definitely no soda. I loved Pepsi but honestly I do not miss it. I drink Water, Powerade zero for flavor and crystal lite mix. And coffee . If you have any questions feel free to ask I added a pic to see the progress.

SW 320. CW 195 GW 185