Divorce after WLS

[Lexigurl82 160]

It's been a while since I've posted. I had my VSG surgery on 12/2/2015. On 12/31/2015 I and my daughter left home because my marriage fell completely apart. I told my husband (soon to be ex-husband) I was unhappy with how he was treating me and he blamed my surgery as a way for me to leave him. Long story short, when I left home, my husband started reaching out to his old flames. Not once did he call me or ask me to stay. Not one time did he say I love or let's work it out. I had enough and filed for a divorce the end of January 2016. Since then, he has made my life hell and and my weight loss suffered a bit. I was too depressed and worn out to work out. Our court date is scheduled for 3/21/2016, which is a temporary hearing. I AM SO OVERWHELMED. I'm balancing a full time job, being a mother to a teenager and trying to handle legal issues at the same time. I just want my soon to be ex-husband out of my life. I hurt because I was hoping he'd come around and attempt to work things out but I now know it isn't going to happen. A mutual friend of ours called me last week to tell me my husband has a girlfriend--and we haven't even divorced yet. He's moved on while I am struggling to. How do I move on? I don't even know if I can trust another person to get close to me.

[Cervidae 2,389]

I don't have a lot of advice to give you, other than this: surgery had nothing to do with it. A person who loves you and values your health may struggle with these enormous changes, but would never use it as a way to hurt you. You deserve far, far better than that.

You're a strong woman. You've made it this far and come so, so far in the pursuit of health and happiness. I'm so sorry this is happening to you, and I'm so sorry he obviously doesn't value your strength and love and loyalty. You're going to make it through this. This cannot break you.

We're all here for you! Hang in there, and take care of yourself. <3

[butterfly23 423]

@@Lexigurl82 wow! You are dealing with so much right now. As @@Cervidae said, you are a strong woman and you've have prioritized your health (emotional and physical) with these changes you've made.

Just keep doing that. Each day do the best you can, love yourself regardless of what you do or don't do and know that eventually, your hard work will bring you closer to what you want and what you deserve.

I also had a crisis (death) soon after my WLS and it was really overwhelming. I just got through each 16 hour day doing the best I could and then one day I was a little less overwhelmed, and then finally I felt there was room to re-focus on me and my food issues.

Keep reaching out to us and others who can see what an amazing woman you are for taking care of yourself by having WLS and leaving an abusive husband.

[BigTink2LilTink 723]

Hugs to you madan. As someone else said, the surgery isn't the cause of this. And it can be quite the struggle to deal with all the changes from the surgery by itself let alone a marriage falling apart.

As someone that's gone through a divorce I can say that it will take some time, but you will move on. You will find someone that will value all of you and not just parts and pieces of you. Righr now focus on the things you do have absolute control over. Yourself and your health will be key to getting through this emotional hurdle.

Sent from my SM-N910P using the BariatricPal App

[Sophie74656 1,572]

I can offer you a virtual hug.

I am just starting a divorce myself. My soon to be ex has also moved on. He's not dating anyone but he has made it clear that he stopped loving me a long time ago and told me he wants to date one of our friends. I kind of understand what you're feeling. If you want someone to talk to or just a virtual shoulder to cry on please feel free to message me

[Dub 9,922]

@@Lexigurl82 first and foremost let me give ya a hearty Hells Yes for being a fellow Georgian. Much respect. You know heat & humidity and have endured.

On a bigger level, let me say that you have my further respect for getting your sleeve and making the changes you wanted to make.

I am saddened by your story. It is full of pain. You've endured a lot and that is evident. I am sorry that he didn't come around and instead chose to go a different route. He'll be reminded of how bad of a move that was after it dawns on him that it's too late.

You have your priorities right, though....being a mother and also getting her health under control. Both will be rewarding in ways that you'll see down the road. Now, however, you are just making an investment in something that will become more tangible and pay great future dividends.

He'll be left with whatever flames he can conjure up. You, however, will be a prize......a real treasure....that worthy dudes will come after in force.

Stay the course and keep your priorities in order. You are doing right. Right will be done by you and to you. Hang tough and stay true to yourself.

[jane13 2,256]

@@Lexigurl82 - focus on you and your daughter - because the rest will fall into place.

As far as the soon to be ex... can fall off the planet :/

Sounds like you have lost probably 200lbs of "dead weight"

There are plenty of decent guys out there that know how to be a partner, rather than "dead weight" - NEXT!

[Lexigurl82 160]

you guys....you rock...I thank you so much from the bottom of my heart...I hope to move past this, I really do. My in laws have turned on me even though they know everything that piece of crap did to me and my kid. Friends no longer call me and when they do, they call to gossip. I don't plan on dating anytime soon but I hope the next guy comes along and loves me and my kid for US. Everyday it gets tougher but I am still standing. You guys mean so much to me, so glad I signed up for this website.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Lots and lots and lots of us have survived divorce.

Most of the time, divorce totally sucks. Especially the limbo part.

And then you're divorced.

And then you can make new plans. And make progress toward YOUR plans.

[MrsKarenC2008 622]

@Lexigurl82 As @@Dub said ... fellow Georgian! We can get through the stupid pollen and stupid heat/humidity ... We can get through ANYTHING!

As others have said ... you're much better off now ... Not worth staying in something if you're not fulfilled, happy, loved, respected and treated as an equal.

I love the saying "If God brings you to it .. He'll bring you through it" ...

I have said this to myself a million times through my sleeve process ...

And in a way it's similar to divorce ... Getting rid of the excess weight!!

You will be OK ... your daughter will be OK ... Time for the girls to focus on the girls!

Brighter days are ahead ... One foot in front of the other ...

You got this:)

[cookarue 233]

I'm so sorry you're going through this rough time

Emotional pain is the worst kind of pain, but after this is over, you'll be so open and free to just take care of yourself and do exactly what will make you happy.

[Mzdiggs 169]

@@Lexigurl82 fellow Georgia peach. I went through a divorce after 34 years of marriage and way before my surgery. The pain for you right now is incredible I know but keep putting one foot in front of the other and in time you will soar beyond your wildest dreams believe me.

[jane13 2,256]

@@Lexigurl82 - my ex "in-laws" turned their back to me and our two children. They had to blame someone and I guess me putting up with him cheating on me, verbal abuse, not working most of the 12 years we were together didn't have any bearing on my decision to lose 180lbs of stress/drama/etc.

Fast forward about 7 years and he was sick and dying from a malignant brain tumor and they didn't even call to tell me he had passed away. I APPEARED at the funeral and both of his parents were all over me and the kids like we had been in touch all along. It was so surreal. His GF was awesome and welcomed us like family to the house they shared and gave my kids some of his personal effects. We had never met until that day and my kids visit her and I told them to keep the contact with her because she could fill in the blanks for those 7 years. Julie is awesome and my kids have another person who loves them - cant beat that! After he died you would have thought they would have tried to keep some contact with a 9 and 14 y/o - NOPE :/ Their loss.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Jeez, @@jane13 ... what a sad story. And what creepy in-laws.

:-(

As they say down South, he came by his bad traits naturally.

[caligirltt 60]

I am sorry, everyone has said such wonderful things. I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers, along with the in laws and the ex. Hopefully they will exit your life peacefully and allow you to begin to heal. You are a strong woman, and you will be ok, as bad as it seems...things will get better. My best friend is going through a divorce and it has been awful for her. All of us are here for you. And sometimes just writing down what you're feeling and hearing the words "we are here for you" can be such a comforting thing. Don't hesitate to reach out, we all need support, love and friendship during rough times and joyous times. Just think of how strong you will be after this life trial is over!