Fear

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave.

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,444]

I have no recollection of anyone ever saying that to me in childhood or what was said. My guess is that it was "There's nothing to be afraid of." That's the worst thing to say to anyone who is fearful about something. Why would you want to negate what the child -- or adult, for that matter-- feels, only to compound the fear and make the individual feel completely inadequate in the process?

Two incidents come to mind, both occurrences in first grade. I'll spare you the details, but one as the day people from the city's Dept. of Health came to school when the Salk vaccine was in testing stage. Some kids were vaccinated with the real thing and others, a control group, with Water.* The other was in the doctor's office waiting to be taken in to the OR for tonsillectomy.

* I'm 99.5% sure that, in those days, the test was conducted without parental permission. Imagine that now?

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

Wow. I can't imagine. Especially with all of the fear around polio. That was before my time but I can't even imagine what kind of fear surrounded kids at that time.

By the way, I really hope the control group eventually got the vaccine.

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,444]

I should have said that I think there was a control group. Regardless, everyone was properly vaccinated before long.

Don't misunderstand. My fear wasn't of polio, of which I may have had some misconceptions. I was panicked about being lined up with all the other kids and waiting for who-knows-what the witch doctors would do to me. Needles were scary and they hurt like hell.

I was no better about the tonsillectomy. Once I was awake in the doctor's little recovery room, I told my parents and the nurse who looked in that I wanted to talk to the doctor. He was murdering another little kid by then, so I said to the nurse what I would have said to him: "I hate you." My polite but misguided mother immediately apologized for me. Huh? Where's your loyalty, Mother? Especially after my terror pre-surgery? I can't express myself?

It's funny how things evolve over time. For my mid-1980's appendectomy, I orchestrated the surgeon's and hospital's personnel who came straggling in one by one for med history...had each wait until all had arrived so that I wouldn't have to go through the whole story a few times.

In 2009 I walked into the OR for lapband surgery as though I were walking on to a yacht.

Edited March 15, 2016 by WLSResources/ClothingExch