My story - my struggle

[AmberMc03 59]

I have struggled with weight since 2001. Growing up I was always in the overweight range and my mom always said it was because I had a booty and very chesty. Once I got out of high school and started working full time, going to college, planning a wedding in 2003 - I started gaining. At age 21 on my wedding day I was 150lbs on a 5'1" frame. My new husband weighed 125lbs soaking wet and could eat literally anything and not gain an ounce. So we did... Fried food (using a fry daddy we were gifted at our wedding), biscuits and gravy after our drinking nights, eating at strange hours and not having time to exercise properly. When I got pregnant with our son in 2006 I weighed 166 lbs and that was after a 20lbs weight loss!!! During my pregnancy we moved from Illinois to Texas to find a better career for my husband and my eating got worse and worse. Being pregnant I wanted anything deep fried and smothered in chocolate! I ate McFlurry's for Breakfast, Texas style chicken fried steak lunches, and couldn't get enough of the McDonald's Hot n Spicy! Needless to say I developed gestational diabetes and weighed 190 the day of delivery. I had a c section so longer recovery and my stomach never returned to pre-Prego shape. I stayed around 185 for almost 4 years and then I started going to Zumba and eating subway almost every day. I ate off a small bread and butter plate - grilled or baked everything. I lost 35 lbs and got pregnant with our daughter. I lost 15 more during the first trimester because I refused to increase my intake of calories but that proved bad because she wasn't growing at a normal rate. So I went to the extreme again and on delivery day weighed 215lbs! C section #2 depressed me and o he no desire to work out eat right or care. Between working a high stress job and no family support in Texas (all the supportive ones are in IL) I had no me time, no husband time, no time at all! I've tried Herbalife, Nutrasystem, HCG injections, diet pills galore, I joined Curves in Feb 2014 and over 6 months I lost 17lbs and 16 inches over my body. I felt and looked better but then my grandfather hd been diagnosed with Leukemia and got worse in August. He was in and out of MD Anderson many times. So I stopped my curves ritual and was driving to Houston (1 hr each way) every night after work and on weekends. Eating fast food, hospital cafeteria food, snacking on Cookies and candy with grandpa... He died in September 2014 after 1 week on in home hospice. I never left his side and ate whatever the church brought for us and didn't pay attention to how many servings I had it was something to do while I watched grandpa sleep and finally never wake again. After he died the family drama began and my already disconnected family here in Texas completely shut me out. . . Me and my sisters had always been the outcasts because we lived so far away and I think they felt invaded when I moved to Texas. Oh well, another story.

So here I am in 2016 with just my husband and 2 kids supporting me emotionally and I am at 220lbs with a BMI of 41. I meet the requirements of my insurance to have the surgery without co-morbidities and have begun the pre-approval process.

I told my younger sister - who is like me overweight but not many options or motivations to change - and now she is pregnant with her 3rd child. She talks too much so why I told her I'll never know. Well she told my baby sister who is the most critical person I know - mainly because she wants what everyone else has because she won't go out and get it herself. She is normally the target of our mothers criticism so knowing how baby sister operates I know she blurted it out during a recent criticism my our mom to take the heat off of her! So my mom calls me and goes out of her mind! "This is irreversible and dangerous! Why can't you just eat less and exercise? Ask your aunt Kathi how bad an idea this is!" (My Aunt had lap band in 2007 or 2008 and it was unsuccessful after 12mos). She was very upset and starting to get ugly about it when my husband said "if she's not supportive hang up the phone"! My hunny is my hero.... But I am heartbroken that she now won't talk to me. 1 of my 2 sisters won't talk to me either - but she knows she screwed up by telling mom before I had a chance to...

My dad seems indifferent and my younger sister I am not sure her stance but seems supportive - if that's what I feel is my last option to get healthy then go for it - is her response. My kids keep saying "mom when you get skinny you can _______________ with us! (Fill in the blank with just about any kid play activity). It melts me heart that they can recognize at ages 5 & 9 that mommy has to change something and that I'll be able to really play with them!

My aunt and a cousin on my dads side here in Texas recently went to Mexico and had the sleeve procedures. They seem to be doing well from what I can see on Instagram - the last place I've not been blocked from.

I have friends at work that are super supportive, my boss seemed surprised but not critical and my best friend is also currently in her pre-approval process as well. She is about 2 weeks ahead of me on her list of things to satisfy the insurance company so I get info earlier than my appointment which helps my nerves.

Thanks for reading this novel, and any tips for how to make mom see the light would be greatly appreciated.

[DaisyAmy 561]

There is really nothing you can say to change her mind at this time. Let her know you've made your decision and would appreciate her support. Then, continue on your journey. Once you are healthy, she will come around. Read people's stories on this site. See how many people have zero regrets. You need to do what's best for you and your family. You've got this!

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

I agree. You may just have to agree to disagree with your mother.

Your children sound so sweet. Every time they express a wish about what they want you to do when you are able then write it down and do it! That sounds like it would make the most motivating reward list ever.

You could even make a collage of you doing those things with your kids.

Best of luck with your surgery and keep us posted on how you are doing.

[AmberMc03 59]

Update --- finally got approved by insurance and I am scheduled for surgery on July 5th! Reality is setting in - am I really going to do this?! YES I AM! just saw my family today from Illinois and they are all supportive and excited for my journey. Mom still thinks I am making a mistake but my aunt who had the band procedure in 2007/2008 was very supportive! I am scared to death of having complications because so many people I know have been successful no issues with recovery that I keep asking myself "what if I'm in the 5% complication rate?"

I dropped my kids off with my Illinois family today so I can prepare and have surgery without worrying about them being here and what to do with them during my hospital stay... Hubs is supportive and boss just wants to make sure I'll be back to work in 2 weeks or less because we have a major audit starting on the 18th of July.

[AmberMc03 59]

Today was my 1 week post-op appointment! Doc said my incisions look awesome and I can start adding puréed food for another week then soft foods slowly and one at a time. No red meat, pork, bread/pasta or raw veggies for a while yet. Also said chicken is hard for many so I'll be careful there too. I can start light exercise like bike rides of it doesn't bother my stomach, chlorine pool minimal activity and return to work next week. I am so excited to finally be able to start chewing foods!!!!!! Many have said chew ice but my teeth are too sensitive so my chewing desire has been almost over whelming! Thank goodness for my chewable Multivitamin and calcium!!

Edited July 11, 2016 by AmberMc03

[SalOdyssey 441]

Awesome! Congrats!!

Today was my 1 week post-op appointment! Doc said my incisions look awesome and I can start adding puréed food for another week then soft foods slowly and one at a time. No red meat, pork, bread/pasta or raw veggies for a while yet. Also said chicken is hard for many so I'll be careful there too. I can start light exercise like bike rides of it doesn't bother my stomach, chlorine pool minimal activity and return to work next week. I am so excited to finally be able to start chewing foods!!!!!! Many have said chew ice but my teeth are too sensitive so my chewing desire has been almost over whelming! Thank goodness for my chewable multivitamin and calcium!!