Constantly ...

[Lisa_85 118]

I am constantly feeling like I am doing stuff wrong. I get so upset over it. Does anyone else seem to have this problem.

[gabby45 1]

Yes...I do...

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[Babbs 14,681]

If you're following your surgeons program 90-95% of the time and moving more than before, you're doing just fine.

Let it go and just enjoy the ride. Nobody is perfect, and you certainly won't be, either. Sometimes this whole experience is just trial and error.

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

I am constantly feeling like I am doing stuff wrong. I get so upset over it. Does anyone else seem to have this problem.

I am curious about what you mean. Do you feel this way because it is unclear to you what you are supposed to do? Do you know what to do but choose not to do it? Are you doing what you are supposed to do but think that somehow there is a "right" way and a "wrong" way?

I personally find what I am supposed to do to follow my program is simple (but not necessarily easy).

What can you do to gain more confidence? Do you have a counselor or therapist you can talk to?

Getting upset with yourself when you are doing your best can't be helpful.

What can we do to help?

[Lisa_85 118]

I am constantly feeling like I am doing stuff wrong. I get so upset over it. Does anyone else seem to have this problem.

I am curious about what you mean. Do you feel this way because it is unclear to you what you are supposed to do? Do you know what to do but choose not to do it? Are you doing what you are supposed to do but think that somehow there is a "right" way and a "wrong" way?

I personally find what I am supposed to do to follow my program is simple (but not necessarily easy).

What can you do to gain more confidence? Do you have a counselor or therapist you can talk to?

Getting upset with yourself when you are doing your best can't be helpful.

What can we do to help?

I am follow everything to the T! I'm two months post op and down 63 Ibs from pre op and post op I go to the gym 6 days a week but like Saturday I went out to eat out and what I thought was a very small portion I ate. I guess wasn't because I got that feeling that I had over ate. Yesterday I ate a small amount of garlic bread and two fried calamari and felt horrible right after It went in my mouth. I didn't get sick from it but knowing I shouldn't of had it made me upset and then I thought great I'm stretching my sleeve an it ruined the rest of my day.

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

I am constantly feeling like I am doing stuff wrong. I get so upset over it. Does anyone else seem to have this problem.

I am curious about what you mean. Do you feel this way because it is unclear to you what you are supposed to do? Do you know what to do but choose not to do it? Are you doing what you are supposed to do but think that somehow there is a "right" way and a "wrong" way?

I personally find what I am supposed to do to follow my program is simple (but not necessarily easy).

What can you do to gain more confidence? Do you have a counselor or therapist you can talk to?

Getting upset with yourself when you are doing your best can't be helpful.

What can we do to help?

I am follow everything to the T! I'm two months post op and down 63 Ibs from pre op and post op I go to the gym 6 days a week but like Saturday I went out to eat out and what I thought was a very small portion I ate. I guess wasn't because I got that feeling that I had over ate. Yesterday I ate a small amount of garlic bread and two fried calamari and felt horrible right after It went in my mouth. I didn't get sick from it but knowing I shouldn't of had it made me upset and then I thought great I'm stretching my sleeve an it ruined the rest of my day.

One or two bad choice doesn't sound like "constant" to me.

That said, just the idea of garlic bread and fried calamari sounds like it would make me sick. At least now you know why it isn't such a good choice. That wouldn't count as following my program to a T, but I don't know what your program instructions are.

A big part of the post-op journey is relearning how to eat with our new stomachs (like an infant, toddler, etc.). That includes making mistakes every once in a while.

Try not to be too hard on yourself, but it may be a good idea to slow down and think about your food choices before you put something in your mouth.

If one poor food choice ruins your day, talking with a therapist would be a really good idea.

[CowgirlJane 14,260]

Perhaps focusing on the positive.... like the good things to eat can get you out of this thought spiral. While it is important to be diligent, attaching all this emotion to food gives it a lot of power.

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[BigViffer 3,544]

I am constantly feeling like I am doing stuff wrong.

Wrong forum... you should have posted this in the Rants & Raves section!

[losinglily 17]

I know that one of the bad habits I got into pre op was a vicious cycle of negative talk. The negative talk never helped, and usually only led to more negative self talk. Go easy on yourself. Regret is useless. You know your error, now move on. Focus on how far you come and how amazingly forgiving and awesome your body is.

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

Another thing to be careful is "all or nothing"/"black and white" thinking.

[Lisa_85 118]

Another thing to be careful is "all or nothing"/"black and white" thinking.

What do you mean by that?

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

People who are currently and formerly obese say a lot of destructive things to themselves. This happens so often that we stop noticing what we're doing. For instance:

"I am constantly feeling like I am doing stuff wrong. I get so upset over it."

Yes, these are expressions of real emotions and deserve to be aired and explored. But they are also actual instructions we give to ourselves that teach us how to feel and how to behave.

Below are other negative self-talk I have heard myself and others voice online and, I'm sure, in our heads:

* I can't do this.

* This is too hard.

* I can't do anything right.

* I'm a failure.

* People don't like me.

* People don't admire me.

* I am unworthy of love.

* I don't like myself.

* I hate myself.

Research about human behavior tells us that our own thoughts precede and shape our future actions. Hope and acceptance beget better self care. And better self care is what we're all trying to improve and put into practice here.

The Internet has hundreds of sites suggesting daily affirmations that could be useful. Some of them seem a little goofy, but others seem helpful. Just google "affirmations."

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

Another thing to be careful is "all or nothing"/"black and white" thinking.

What do you mean by that?

Just as an example, to paraphrase:

"I made a bad food choice for one meal so therefore I constantly screw up."

"I didn't run 3 miles today so I am a failure and will never exercise again."

"If I can't reach my goal weight by June 23, then I might as well not really even try."

"I ONLY lost 23 pounds since surgery."

"It's raining so I can't exercise at all."

To me, black and white thinking means you turn every choice into one of two extremes, and usually set up the choices so that one leads to "failure" and one leads to "success". "All or nothing" is similar in that we don't recognize incremental improvements or successes.

I am sure other's have some ideas on this.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Amen to that, @@Inner Surfer Girl !

Here are some more black/white thinking from my world.

* "She didn't compliment my new outfit. It must look awful."

* "I didn't finish everything on my to-do list today. I won't ever finish this project."

* "I snapped at my husband today. I'm a terrible wife."

Even though I'm a pretty confident person, I still find myself thinking s**t like this every once in a while. I had these kinds of thoughts much more often a few years ago when I was 100 pounds heavier and sidelined from much of life.

Today I'm much more likely in these situations to:

* ... think my friend must have a lot of her mind today and tell her how nice I think she looks.

* ... realize I'll finish the project if I just keep plugging away at it without exhausting myself.

* ... apologize to my husband for snapping at him and tell him about the pressures I'm feeling that made me be rude to him. (Thank goodness, he's a sweet man and always forgives me!)

We and our lives won't ever be perfect. Therefore, if there's anything we should do "constantly," it's to pivot quickly toward the light -- not the dark.