How to tell your friends and coworkers about your surgery?

[endlessquest 20]

I'm scheduled for sleeve surgury on April 26. I'm wondering how and when you told your friends and coworkers about your surgery? I'm not sure if I should do a "preemptive strike" where I just tell everyone I know just after surgury or just wait as people come up to me and ask or make comments about the weight loss?

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[endlessquest 20]

I'm scheduled for WLS surgury on April 26. I'm wondering how and when you told your friends and coworkers about your surgery? I'm not sure if I should do a "preemptive strike" where I just tell everyone I know just after surgury or just wait as people come up to me and ask or make comments about the weight loss?

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[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Here's how you solve that problem:

You don't tell 'em.

Seriously.

Nada. Zilch. Monkey with its hands over its mouth.

Because I'll guarantee you, especially if you tell your co-workers, you'll be back here in a month complaining that someone doesn't understand what fat people struggle with, made a rude remark, doesn't notice you've lost weight, thinks you did it the easy way, should have done it "the healthy way," and generally thinks you're a weak-willed loon.

[catwoman7 11,212]

you've got time to think about this. Most people don't notice the weight loss right away (at my highest weight, it took 50 lbs before people started to notice). My boss knew, the HR person knew, a few of my closest friends knew, and of course my family knew. I didn't tell anyone else. Fortunately, I've been a slow loser, so people seem to believe me when I say I've been working with a nutritionist and exercising like crazy. Normal weight people believe that schlock (I might be tempted to tell other morbidly obese people if they asked, though. Plus they'd be unlikely to buy that I did it all on my own)

Edited March 6, 2016 by catwoman7

[B-52 7,113]

Never told anyone, but the closest family.

5 years ago, most people don't remember me when I was obese, and the new people I meet never knew.

It's all good and I cannot be more pleased.

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

Start walking and doing high p rotein low carb. Nobody noticed until I lost 60 pounds. When they asked how I was losing weight I said walking and doing high p rotein low carb. Very few people know about my surgery. Very glad I kept my mouth shut.

[James Marusek 5,244]

I told everyone, even strangers on the streets. Most peoples reactions fall into two groups: supportive and curious.

I suspect the reason why people do not tell has to do with their personal past experience with dieting. Many people who undergo weight loss surgery (WLS), tried dieting many times before. But the problem was they always gained the weight back. So you announce you are on a diet. Every congratulates. You lose weight. Everyone congratulates. You go off the diet and regain the weight and then some. No one talks about it (at least not to your face). You feel like a failure. So now you are very guarded about this WLS process, because you are afraid of another failure.

So it is a personal decision.

[TheProfessor 378]

Personally, didn't tell anyone except sister, husband and daughter. My colleagues at work started commenting at 25 pounds gone. At 40 pounds, they were highly complimentary and asked me what my secret was. I told them the truth:

"I'm eating less and moving more".

Now at 75 pounds down, they see me as someone who has worked hard at losing the weight. They see the high Protein, low carb meals I bring for lunch. They notice the small portions, how slowly I eat and how I religiously avoid the office goodies. They notice how I take the stairs now rather than the elevator.

Glad I didn't let anyone know as I can do without any judgment or assumptions where the WLS is concerned. All they see is... me!

[Kindle 8,667]

I told close friends and family before surgery. They were concerned with the surgery part but supportive of my decision.

For coworkers, acquaintances, clients, etc, I simply told them when they'd ask how I was losing weight. Just a simple answer of "I had surgery and I eat a high Protein, low carb diet now". They would typically ask a few questions (no one ever heard of VSG, so I would explain the difference between that and bypass/lap band). But then the conversation would turn to other things. No one ever made a big deal out of it.

Everyone has different comfort levels when it comes to talking about surgery, but for me I did not feel any shame in it and I simply wouldn't feel comfortable misleading people to think it was all "diet and excercise".

[jj7481 363]

Simple: keep the info circle small. Tell your close family or friends. The rest of your coworkers will likely notice your weight loss, but you cannot control how they will react. It has been pointed out that some people had a good experience with telling everyone they know. However, if you scan this forum you will find MANY stories of people who have been met with arguments, hurt feelings, and non-support or disagreement with their decisions.

You know you best. What you don't know is other people and how they will TRULY act until the proverbial cat is out of the bag. Once it's out you can't take it back. Are you willing to deal with people who may disagree with your choice and possibly try to make you feel bad or wrong for your decision? It's not a guarantee, but neither is all roses and only support.

I told my spouse and a couple of close friends. Co-workers have noticed my weight loss and when asked I tell them I'm on a very restrictive diet and regular exercise. I don't know all my co-workers well nor do I care to hear if they agree with my decision. My family is supportive and those are the opinions I listen to. Most importantly....my decision was right for me.

[endlessquest 20]

Thank you for all your responses and good advice. I will probably tell close family members and maybe a couple of close friends. The others I'll wait till asked. Since I'll be on a semi liquid and all liquid diet for 30 days prior to WLS, I'm sure I'll get some questions prior to the surgury as well.

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