Do People Treat You Differently Now?

[katanne 215]

I haven't had my surgery yet. but as a long-term yo-yo dieter, yes, people treated me MUCH better when I was normal weight. Even jerks on the street who yell nasty things at women - Saturday I had a bozo yell, "MISS, MISS, YOU GOTTA BIG BUTT! YOU GOTTA BIG BUTT MISS!" I'm sure if I were thin he would have called me a bitch or something, but when you're big, people decide to go straight to insulting your size.

[CowgirlJane 14,260]

sheesh... where do you live? If a guy hollered out something like that in the Seattle area... there would be a sea of disapproving icey stares thrown his way. Thats how we roll...ha!

I did once have a really cute guy offer to help me with my sunscreen, but my pals and I all considered that a compliment.

I haven't had my surgery yet. but as a long-term yo-yo dieter, yes, people treated me MUCH better when I was normal weight. Even jerks on the street who yell nasty things at women - Saturday I had a bozo yell, "MISS, MISS, YOU GOTTA BIG BUTT! YOU GOTTA BIG BUTT MISS!" I'm sure if I were thin he would have called me a b***h or something, but when you're big, people decide to go straight to insulting your size.

[gowalking 10,790]

@@shellyd88 - this is something I am anxious about and already resentful in anticipation. There is part of me that wants to believe that I am a person of worth, no matter my size. Of course, how can I expect others to treat me with dignity when I don't treat myself with dignity?

This is especially a concern with my parents. I am still 10 weeks pre-op and I have only lost 25 pounds. They are already saying how proud of me they are. Why can't they be proud of me for other, more acceptable things other than the fact that my pants fit better?

Amen!! For three years I worked full-time and got my master's degree part time. I was promoted twice during that time and increased my salary by 30%. I've lived abroad before. I've never NOT had a job since I was 16, and even babysat before when I was 13-15. I am a very hard worker, but no one acknowledges that. I drop a few pounds and all of a sudden people are now proud of me? WHAT IS THAT?

It's like people don't see what I've done with my life because I have fat on my body.

They don't/can't see the work it took to get the degree or the dedication it took to get those promotions. They can, however, see your body shrinking. That's why the results of this particular addiction is impossible to hide. If an alcoholic is standing beside you, do you know they are an addict? Likely not unless they are truly at the end of their rope. Same for a drug addict. But a food addict...well, everyone knows of our struggles because it's out there for all to see. For me...I'm still a food addict but because I'm normal sized now, no one is aware. Still means I'm an addict though. Always will be too.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

I was in a store today and there were 5 kids that were being offensive. I asked them to watch their language in front of my daughter and one of the kids went on a two minute rant about me being fat. I was so sad. I know I shouldn't have let it get to me so much but I just can't wait until hopefully one day people can see me for more as a fat lady.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

It's interesting you feel this way -- and that you've chosen @@byebyefatgirl! as your BP nickname.

Much more important than hoping that other people see you differently is your own ability to see yourself differently.

And if you ever want to change your BP nickname, you can do so easily.

[BobbyD 211]

I posted on another thread about the difference in the way I was perceived while driving for Uber. I was saddened by it . I really don't think I realized the difference in perception till I felt it firsthand. Now it is becoming more apparent at school as well, by both teachers and students. It's a sad commentary on society, but a fact we must accept. We are the lucky ones, because science has given us a solution that wasn't available that many years ago. I will NEVER downgrade someone because of their weight. We all know that we were unsuccessful without this tool. The BEST we can do is lead by example.

Edited February 29, 2016 by BobbyD

[BobbyD 211]

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Edited February 29, 2016 by BobbyD

[bikrchk 1,313]

Yes they do... And I think its about 50% fat prejudice\the "invisible" obese person, etc., and 50% that I AM DIFFERENT inside and out now. So people smile at me more, notice me more, hold doors, annoying surveyors approach me at the mall now when they didn't see me before... And all of that can be attributed to fat prejudice. However, with the weight loss came a confidence I've never experienced before. I like me more now that I'm not in constant pain, sweating to hike a flight of stairs, guilty about what I ate or that I just had to waste more $$ on yet larger jeans, and yes, I'm more confident in my appearance now.

You can say all day long that you are the same person after a monumental weight loss, but if you managed a monumental weight loss, (whatever the means you used to help get there) you are a changed person. I'm MUCH more pleasant to be around. I'm more productive. I'm more confident. I can DO more. Is it so hard to understand the people are drawn to that over the person I was in the other package? I think not!

[Chrystee 838]

I don't feel that people who know me treat me much different, its strangers mostly.. Men rush to get the door for me, where as when I was 300 pounds and carrying a toddler and bags, no one really helped. women talk to me in the grocery store.. or wherever I am.. I've always been outgoing, but had to speak first.. now people talk to me first or engage me.

[OKCPirate 5,323]

Yes people treat me differently but I don't think it's all external...

• My energy level is higher,
• I'm less self conscious which frees up more areas in my brain to observe others, and people want to be around people who want to talk about them
• My confidence is higher, which is very attractive (until it approaches Trump levels)
• My happiness level is much higher

I don't know which came first, my changes, or people recognizing the weight loss but to me these both work together. If you do the work on the inside as well as out you will enjoy the change more.

Yes people treat me differently but I don't think it's all external...

• My energy level is higher,
• I'm less self conscious which frees up more areas in my brain to observe others, and people want to be around people who want to talk about them
• My confidence is higher, which is very attractive (until it approaches Trump levels)
• My happiness level is much higher

I don't know which came first, my changes, or people recognizing the weight loss but to me these both work together. If you do the work on the inside as well as out you will enjoy the change more.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

Nope. I have a very unique and valuable technical skill set that has always been highly valued and highly sought after by employers. So I never really faced fat discrimination in my field. Being a fat nerd kind of goes with the territory, no one cares.

I have always been pretty, outgoing, vivacious and friendly. People are drawn to me and that hasn't really changed.

I think a lot of people are treated by the outside world what the project onto the outside world. My Dad said people will treat you how you let them treat you.

[katanne 215]

I live in Philly...inner city, not suburbs. City living can be....interesting, to say the least.

sheesh... where do you live? If a guy hollered out something like that in the Seattle area... there would be a sea of disapproving icey stares thrown his way. Thats how we roll...ha!

I did once have a really cute guy offer to help me with my sunscreen, but my pals and I all considered that a compliment.

I haven't had my surgery yet. but as a long-term yo-yo dieter, yes, people treated me MUCH better when I was normal weight. Even jerks on the street who yell nasty things at women - Saturday I had a bozo yell, "MISS, MISS, YOU GOTTA BIG BUTT! YOU GOTTA BIG BUTT MISS!" I'm sure if I were thin he would have called me a b***h or something, but when you're big, people decide to go straight to insulting your size.

[pink dahlia 2,513]

I was in a store today and there were 5 kids that were being offensive. I asked them to watch their language in front of my daughter and one of the kids went on a two minute rant about me being fat. I was so sad. I know I shouldn't have let it get to me so much but I just can't wait until hopefully one day people can see me for more as a fat lady. [emoji22]Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal I'm guessing the "kids" were older than 12 as you didn't mention any parent nearby, if that's the case you should of told them that YOUR size had nothing to do with THEIR big mouths ! And I would of reported them to the store manager immediately ! Nobody, and I mean nobody has a right to harass a customer for ANY reason, including race, religion, etc OR size ! Make the store deal with the problem of nasty kids and make it clear it's your money being spent there, not the badly behaved kids ! (Can you tell how I raised my own kids ? To be polite and respectful !Once in Jr High my oldest boy was thought to have been in some trouble with some other kids, our bus driver told the principal " His parents don't take any crap from their kids !" Amen to that, sister !!!

[Scout1702 8]

Everyone I know who knew me before comments on my weight loss. I went from thin to obese back to somewhat thin again (still losing).

And yes, people are nicer and more complimentary. But they also feel the need to ask me why I lost weight. Sometimes it makes me uncomfortable.

[TheProfessor 378]

Absolutely. All of a sudden my colleagues are seriously listening to me and tuning in when I'm in conversation or discussion at the College, where before my weight loss, I was largely ignored.

As a professor and expert in human behaviour I find this not sad or distressing but just plain interesting!

I'm certainly much more 'visible' now to my colleagues, even though, ironically, there is less of me.

[CSchulden 61]

I think a lot of my fat-shaming came from myself. I purposely didn't wear make up or do my hair. I would wear impossibly baggy clothes; sweatpants, yoga pants, bulky t-shirts. And I was miserable. Who would want to go out of their way to talk to me? Now I am half way to my goal, down about 6 sizes and feel great. And that feeling has extended to my outer appearance as well. I think that because I have changed, people's attitude toward me has changed. I find myself talking to many more people than I used to and even opening myself up to begin conversations, something I wouldn't have done 40 pounds ago.

I'm still overweight and still will be for a while. But I've learned my value extends far beyond that number on the scale. There's so much more.

People judge, they always will. They will always make assumptions, lean on stereotypes, form opinions before they know anything. It's just the way people are and that isn't going to change. The best thing anyone can do for themselves is to love themselves (as my grandmother used to say), 'warts and all'. When you love yourself, it shines through and the judgments of others don't matter so much. They still might sting, but they don't linger.