Support lacking

[deeplue 40]

The last few days have been challenging. I got a date for surgery - May 12 - so that is a good thing. My surgeon provided positive feedback about my progress - so that is a good thing.

Like a person truly struggling hardcore, I ended up overeating and gorging on stuff that is not on my nutrition plan - so that is a bad thing.

It feels like WLS is taking over my life. My partner feels very distant right now and not incredibly supportive. I have a pre-op class at the end of April for patients and caregivers and she doesn't think she can come. I know she is super busy at work but I feel a lack of support from her.

I'm trying to remember two things: one, I am still reeling from yesterday's binge and not functioning at full emotional or physical speed. Two, WLS is a new area of my life and while I am doing a lot of work in this area, my partner is doing the best she can.

Unfortunately, remembering those things does not do much to alleviate my need for support right now.

[GibbsGirl 483]

I'm sorry you are feeling alone, in the end we all have to go some of this alone. I would suggest you set your partner down and have an honest conversation.

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

Take a breath.

WLS is a big change for anyone who is experiencing it as well as loved ones. There is a lot to process for both of you.

Please practice patience and be kind to yourself and each other.

There is a lot of time before April. Who knows, she may come around and be able to clear her calendar by then. If not, that doesn't necessarily mean she doesn't care.

In the meantime, you can focus on building your support team and see what you can do to keep the lines of communication open between you.

Do you have a counselor or therapist? Do you know when the next bariatric support group is scheduled? In addition to your surgeon and NUT, a therapist can be extremely helpful.

WLS will take over your life for a while but that is a good thing.

One book I recommend that you read is called Eat it Up! by Connie Stapleton. I found it really helpful.

Don't forget that we are here to support you, too.

[Valentina 2,642]

Support is SO important. I realize that we all are walking this WLS path for our health and much of the journey has to been done alone. But, support of one's loved ones is sooo important. Without it journey can be like walking through a dark forest at night during a thunderstorm. Fear and doubt comes from all directions. We need some one there to "anchor" us.--to tell us that we are not alone-that we can make this journey successfully.--that we are indeed worthy.--that we don't have to be quite so frightened while they are by our sides.

Time for a heart to heart. Explain just how important her support is to you. Maybe she is afraid too.--afraid that YOU will change and not want her anymore.

Who knows where our fears come from? They don't always make any sense. They just feel awful and are terrifying--real or not.

Together. You two will make this journey together. You just need to get on the same page of supporting each other because you BOTH are making this journey--just in different ways.

Keep posting. We care . Prayers going up.

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,444]

Since your partner thinks that she'll be unavailable to go to an appointment with you two months hence, certainly have a talk with her. It would not be surprising if she's having her own emotional reaction to your having surgery.

At the same time, it's up to you to build a support network where it's available, BP for one. You'd also do well to attend the support group meetings that your surgery practice provides. Also check with other practices in the area; they usually welcome people from their competitors with the idea that "we're all in this together." Beside, it costs them nothing to have their non-patients attend.

[nervousnelly719 67]

This time is about you. You are getting healthier and take the steps to do so. I had to sit someone down and say hey listen up I need you now more than ever so wake up and smell the coffee because support is a very big part in this.

The best someone can do is acceptable but for someone to make it known that they have your back is better and it's ok for someone to go out of there way for you... You are worth and deserving. I have a pretty good support system (and to me one genuinely supportive person that allows you to be unfiltered equals a good support system) I have found so much support here.. I think you will truly find comfort here too.

Hang in there... I realize how hard this count down until the big day is, it's been a struggle for me... I'm trusting strangers who have been in my shoes that tell me this is going to be the best decision of my life... And I believe them.

Edited February 28, 2016 by nervousnelly719

[SalOdyssey 441]

Take a deep breath. You have a whole community here behind you!!