Awkward Lunch Hours

[Polara 66]

Hi everyone!

I was sleeved on 9 December, and I feel amazing! I've lost quite a bit of weight and am following the diet given to me by my nutritionist to the letter. However, I'm feeling some social awkwardness when it comes to eating lunch at work.

My coworkers regularly go out for lunch, mostly to fast food places and the like. I'm not jealous of them at all because I have no desire to eat that kind of food anymore, but I am bothered by the fact that they deliberately avoid me in the break room. I am a funeral director at a small funeral home, and the staff is not very large. I haven't hidden my sleeve at all so everyone is aware of it, and I've tried to explain that watching others eat things I don't doesn't bother me at all. I never comment on anyone's food choices and I try not to bring attention to my tiny portions.

I feel as if since I got the sleeve and started losing weight, the dynamic has changed totally. I wouldn't take back my decision to have the sleeve for anything at all because I am so happy with how I feel now...but I am frustrated because I feel excluded and like a pariah. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this?

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

I am so sorry you are experiencing this. I know how much of our culture both personally and professionally involves spending time together for meals. They probably feel as awkward and uncertain as you do.

Maybe you could invite them to lunch, or organize a group lunch or potluck at work? Maybe bring in something that is bariatric-friendly that they might enjoy so you can share with them? Or, organize a group outing that doesn't revolve around food (bowling, painting, or something like that).

They just may not know how to be around you or may be afraid that they will "tempt" you away from what is working for you.

I find it helps to assume that people have the best intentions until I have evidence to the contrary.

I would love to hear what other people suggest.

[4MRB4PHOTO 3,900]

Maybe they don't want to tempt you because of all the hard work you are putting in and feel funny eating those fattening foods in front of you. Sit down with them and eat your lunch. Maybe go out with them once in a while and order a side salad, a burger wrapped in lettuce (instead of a bun) or a healthy choice. If it is fast food, go with them for the ride and bring your own lunch if there are no choices that you feel are appropriate.

Another possibility is they may also feel guilty about eating those foods too since your healthy eating is a reminder of how they should eat most of the time.

[BobbyD 211]

As I lose weight these situations confront me more and more. Today at a meeting, a person who I only see every few months asked me "How did you get sooo thin? I immediately shot back "Surgery"! It stopped her in her tracks, and she stumbled a bit, then said, "oh,, I knew a person who did that and had all sorts of complications, so I hope yours goes better". I said thanks and kept right on with the meeting. It is as if I had done something wrong. Unless someone knows somebody with a successful experience with wls, they are quite skeptical. I just thank God above I was not that narrow minded when looking into solutions for my obesity.

[JamieLogical 8,710]

@@BobbyD I love how EVERYONE seems to know someone who knows someone who failed miserably with WLS or had terrible complications. You never get "oh, I know someone else who had that and they are doing great!". I wonder why that is. In my own, real personal experience, everyone I know who has had WLS has bee very successful. Makes me wonder if the people who have successful WLS are good at hiding it so people never actually know they are success stories. Whereas the people who fail or have complications end up making a big spectacle of it?

[Polara 66]

Hi everyone!

Thank you for the advice. I sat with my coworkers on Thursday, and things were a little tense but seemed to go well overall. Today, however, was a bit of a different matter. They actually went out to lunch and ate at the restaurant. I am not sure if this was because they wanted to avoid me or if there is another reason behind it.

I did find out from someone at another location that one of the ladies that is part of this lunch bunch had a gastric band and failed miserably at it...she gained back all her weight and then some. Perhaps that is one of the reasons they're a bit uncomfortable with me?

Whatever the reason is, I am not going to stress about it anymore. I am moving to the UK in May because I'm getting married, and I am looking forward to a new start where nobody (well, save for my fiance, future in-laws, and friends) knows what I looked like before I lost weight. I've lost 66 pounds since my surgery in December 2015, and I feel amazing. I don't want to dwell on any sort of negativity, so I'm going to continue looking towards the future

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

Hi everyone!

Thank you for the advice. I sat with my coworkers on Thursday, and things were a little tense but seemed to go well overall. Today, however, was a bit of a different matter. They actually went out to lunch and ate at the restaurant. I am not sure if this was because they wanted to avoid me or if there is another reason behind it.

I did find out from someone at another location that one of the ladies that is part of this lunch bunch had a gastric band and failed miserably at it...she gained back all her weight and then some. Perhaps that is one of the reasons they're a bit uncomfortable with me?

Whatever the reason is, I am not going to stress about it anymore. I am moving to the UK in May because I'm getting married, and I am looking forward to a new start where nobody (well, save for my fiance, future in-laws, and friends) knows what I looked like before I lost weight. I've lost 66 pounds since my surgery in December 2015, and I feel amazing. I don't want to dwell on any sort of negativity, so I'm going to continue looking towards the future

Sounds like you may be on to something.

You have a great attitude. Just take care of yourself, be open and friendly, and do your thing.

Their loss.

[Kindle 8,667]

@@BobbyD I love how EVERYONE seems to know someone who knows someone who failed miserably with WLS or had terrible complications. You never get "oh, I know someone else who had that and they are doing great!". I wonder why that is. In my own, real personal experience, everyone I know who has had WLS has bee very successful. Makes me wonder if the people who have successful WLS are good at hiding it so people never actually know they are success stories. Whereas the people who fail or have complications end up making a big spectacle of it?

That is one of the reasons I chose to be open about my surgery. I was not ashamed and didn't want to perpetuate the stigma of WLS by hiding it like a dirty secret. I don't shout it from the rooftops, but when asked my answer is "I had surgery and I eat high orotein/low carb." I give credit where credit is due.....my results would not be possible without surgery. It's NOT just from diet and excercise and I don't think it's right to mislead people into thinking that. Instead I am the success story that hundreds of people can talk about next time they are confronted with the subject of weight loss surgery.

I know honesty isn't for everyone, but for me it's the only way I felt comfortable dealing with all the questions. Not to mention the support and accountability that I now have because of it.