Boy did that rub me the wrong way...

[meganliz0824 65]

I'm going to vent a bit here and looking for some support. Maybe constructive criticism. Last night in bed with my boyfriend he was rubbing by back and belly and grabbing at my rolls. I said hey soon you won't be able to do that and he said "yeah ok" and "nope" little remarks. I asked what he meant and he said well you eat how you did before surgery just less. I have never been so angry. I am 3 months post op and have lost 50 pounds. I don't eat half the things I used to before. We used to order out and run through mcdonalds all the time and I haven't don't that at all. I eat much healthier than I ever have. There are a couple things I probably shouldn't have had but I'm still fairly new and learning this new life. Someone please tell me I'm not crazy and I can do this!!! Really hurt right now.

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[Margie122 845]

meganliz0824 I can imagine what he said was hurtful. It sounds like he is doubting your success. Is he overweight? How long have you guys been together? Could he be scared of losing you so he is trying to sabotage your weight loss?

[FrankyG 1,450]

I would be a bit upset with him for that, but try to be calm about it and ask him what he meant, with specific examples of what he is seeing you eat that is bad stuff. If he is seeing you eat things that are bad for you and you're not registering that you're doing this, then that is concerning. If you have changed your eating habits (eating healthy Proteins, veggies and then complex carbs in moderation) and your boyfriend still said that, then he's very out of touch with what is happening with you.

So is it because he hasn't been paying attention or is acting kind of snarky (annoying and needs to be discussed calmly with him), or because you aren't eating as healthy as you think you are (concerning)?

Not trying to sound mean, because I know I did try to eat some things in the beginning months that were still crap foods, and kind of lied to myself that they didn't matter since I was still losing weight. It is easy to fall into that trap. Eating as clean as you can for as long as you can definitely helps reprogram your appetite and encourages you to build better food habits. So that when you're several years out, the occasional bad food isn't something that you want all the time anyway.

You can still lose lots of weight eating crap food but after about 1 year - 18 months, your body will eventually adjust and you'll regain the weight if you haven't gotten the healthy eating habits down.

Again - not saying you're not doing a great job - I can't know exactly what he is or isn't seeing with you; just offering some perspective and ideas to discuss with the boyfriend.

And do tell him that sometimes things like what he said can be a bit hurtful and ask him to think before he speaks if it turns out he really doesn't have any food observations worth anything.

Edited February 18, 2016 by FrankiesGirl

[meganliz0824 65]

meganliz0824 I can imagine what he said was hurtful. It sounds like he is doubting your success. Is he overweight? How long have you guys been together? Could he be scared of losing you so he is trying to sabotage your weight loss?

He has a bit of a beer belly but not obese. He is doing biggest loser at work and has lost 10 lbs so far. We have been together 2.5 yrs and he is usually so supportive. I think he thought I would lose weight more quickly.

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[meganliz0824 65]

I would be a bit upset with him for that, but try to be calm about it and ask him what he meant, with specific examples of what he is seeing you eat that is bad stuff. If he is seeing you eat things that are bad for you and you're not registering that you're doing this, then that is concerning. If you have changed your eating habits (eating healthy Proteins, veggies and then complex carbs in moderation) and your boyfriend still said that, then he's very out of touch with what is happening with you.

So is it because he hasn't been paying attention or is acting kind of snarky (annoying and needs to be discussed calmly with him), or because you aren't eating as healthy as you think you are (concerning)?

Not trying to sound mean, because I know I did try to eat some things in the beginning months that were still crap foods, and kind of lied to myself that they didn't matter since I was still losing weight. It is easy to fall into that trap. Eating as clean as you can for as long as you can definitely helps reprogram your appetite and encourages you to build better food habits. So that when you're several years out, the occasional bad food isn't something that you want all the time anyway.

You can still lose lots of weight eating crap food but after about 1 year - 18 months, your body will eventually adjust and you'll regain the weight if you haven't gotten the healthy eating habits down.

Again - not saying you're not doing a great job - I can't know exactly what he is or isn't seeing with you; just offering some perspective and ideas to discuss with the boyfriend.

And do tell him that sometimes things like what he said can be a bit hurtful and ask him to think before he speaks if it turns out he really doesn't have any food observations worth anything.

Thank you for your insight. I'm sure some of my choices haven't been the best but he doesn't point it out to me. I will talk to him and ask for better communication.

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[CowgirlJane 14,260]

Good advice, but life has taught me that men say dumb things and they often don't intend it the way it came out. I once explained to someone "context is everything" and being an intelligent man...I saw the hamster wheel spinning...yes, this explains so much about women!