New Friends?

[B-52 7,113]

I just replied to a post, where the person stated she would need to get new friends after surgery...this bothered me.

I found the opposite to be true....

Following is the reply I posted:

I never told anyone other than immediate family....

I go out with my friends, people from work all the time...while they are devouring greasy burgers, etc, I am very picky about what I eat, and go for the healthiest choices I can. Plus I eat like a bird.

If the menu has nothing but junk like a lot of chains do, then I eat nothing...and I will tell the people I'm with why I am not eating and why the food on the menu is not good......I also stopped eating meat after lap band surgery.

And I am one who would eat an entire large pizza at a sitting...now I wouldn't (couldn't) touch it...

You will be surprised at the respect you will get from people...you will be one of the unique ones..admired for taking control of your life, being health conscious, more active with an exercise routine, looking at life from a different angle.

And, when the weight starts to come off, it only multiplies.

The lap band forced me to change my lifestyle, but no one needs to know that...I am after all the one getting educated and making the healthy choices.

As far as alcohol, well that's a hot topic around here....listen to your Dr.

[lamulatona 17]

i think it was mines, but i haven't check my responses. unless someone else said they need new friends besides me .

[Djmohr 6,965]

I have had a couple of "friends" who have basically changed the way they behave around me. I am not sure why but I suspect it is because they are no longer comfortable around me. The two friends I am speaking about are both morbidly obese themselves and they know I had bypass.

These friends also made it a point to tell me about every single person they ever knew who had the surgery and gained all their weight back. And shared horror stories about complications. One of them works in a hospital. This happened when I shared I was having the surgery 2 years ago.

As my weight started to come off, my hubby and I were usually left off the invite list. This is a couple who we were very close to and my hubby grew up with him. When he got married we became a pretty tight group.

So, we made it a point to invite them out a couple of times recently. Neither of them said one word about my drastic weight loss or gave me a compliment.

When we go out to eat I can always find something on any menu to eat but they are clearly uncomfortable around me. I try very hard not to act differently or be a pain because of what I eat. I think I am a reminder that both of them need to do something themselves but choose not to.

We never ever talk about my weight loss or the surgery itself.

I do think there is some jealousy but it is really uncomfortable for me to be with them because there is a big elephant in the room.

It's a bummer because this is a great couple to hang with.

My hubby doesn't get it either, he knows something is different but doesn't realize it has anything to do with my weight loss.

We have tried to do activities that don't involve good and it's still not the same. When we were all fat, we would have a great time. Now it's strained and weird.

[lamulatona 17]

@@Djmohr exactly , thats my concern as well , but my friends are all different sizes so well see how will they react once after my lapland and i start to loose weight. I don't think they will have a problem with it...i think....lol , the fact that i won't be able to eat as before and as much. I wonder after surgery how do people go out to dinner, do you guys always take a doggy bag after with the left overs or do you share food with whoever ???? just curious

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

I still spend time with, my friends. They do not know I had surgery. They do not see anything different really about how I eat. They know I am cutting back, that's it.

I don't really have relationships based on foods.

I do think I will have a problem with one friend. The last time we were together I was still bigger than her. I think by the next time I see her I will be smaller than her. She has been supportive of my weight loss so far but the next time we go shopping. I doubt I will be wearing plus size. She is going to flip out. I was the fat friend that made her feel slim. Those days are over.

Edited February 16, 2016 by OutsideMatchInside

[Babbs 14,681]

I have not changed or lost any friends. They all eat what they want, I eat what I want. Like B-52 said, they admire me for taking control of my life.

IF there happed to be someone who had an issue with my surgery, the way I look at it they were not true friends to begin with.

[lamulatona 17]

I have not changed or lost any friends. They all eat what they want, I eat what I want. Like B-52 said, they admire me for taking control of my life.

IF there happed to be someone who had an issue with my surgery, the way I look at it they were not true friends to begin with.

True story, well just see and wait with me, I have a close bound with my friends is just me assuming , since I like my caribbean food a whole lot

[Julie norton 2,850]

Those long dinner parties. Cocktails. appetizers. Dinner. Dessert. They are hard for me

[B-52 7,113]

I have not changed or lost any friends. They all eat what they want, I eat what I want. Like B-52 said, they admire me for taking control of my life.

IF there happed to be someone who had an issue with my surgery, the way I look at it they were not true friends to begin with.

True story, well just see and wait with me, I have a close bound with my friends is just me assuming , since I like my caribbean food a whole lot

Jerk chicken is a good source of Protein....

[needtorecover 574]

With other morbidly obese friends, it can be hard to deal with jealousy. None of us want to be morbidly obese, and we all know how hard it is to lose weight. When we have this tool and they do not, they may feel resentful because they want their old "eating buddy" back and you just can't eat like that anymore.

I'm treating my WLS the same way my brother is treating his alcohol recovery. Feel free to eat/drink in front of me! Just because I'm not doing it doesn't mean I'm judging you or want you to be like me. No one needs to feel like they're tempting me because - gloriously - for the first time in my life, they're not.

I think the key is to not make it about you. Don't talk about your new diet all through dinner and focus on the conversation. If your friends have questions just be open and honest. All my friends are very supportive.

My extended family has yet to know because I come from a line of people genetically predisposed to obesity. Anytime anyone in my family loses weight, everyone else makes a stink about it. I told one cousin and begged him not to tell his mom, otherwise the whole famdamily will know. I will get questions (and probably accusations) at the next holiday and I'm not looking forward to it but it is what it is.

[lamulatona 17]

Those long dinner parties. Cocktails. appetizers. Dinner. Dessert. They are hard for me

how do you handle them now?

[Bandista 7,466]

I have not changed or lost any friends. They all eat what they want, I eat what I want. Like B-52 said, they admire me for taking control of my life.

IF there happed to be someone who had an issue with my surgery, the way I look at it they were not true friends to begin with.

True story, well just see and wait with me, I have a close bound with my friends is just me assuming , since I like my caribbean food a whole lot

Jerk chicken is a good source of Protein....

And beans! I can't/don't eat rice now but enjoy Caribbean food -- to answe your question above about doggy npnags, etc., we eat out a lot and usually I just order small and let my family help me. Cheaper date now for sure. Good luck with all -- you're going to do great. I have all my same friends, by the way.

[Katnroyal 225]

I have a very close knit group of friends and strong support system. I did have one friend who became very jealous and mean to me and we are no longer friends. The way I look at it, its a long hard journey that we are on and we don't need that additional stress. True friends will be there through no matter what, yes they might behave a little differently sometimes but they still have your back.

[lamulatona 17]

@@Bandista which Caribbean food you enjoy now? oh yes def cheaper dates lol . Thank you much .

I have not changed or lost any friends. They all eat what they want, I eat what I want. Like B-52 said, they admire me for taking control of my life.
IF there happed to be someone who had an issue with my surgery, the way I look at it they were not true friends to begin with.

True story, well just see and wait with me, I have a close bound with my friends is just me assuming , since I like my caribbean food a whole lot

Jerk chicken is a good source of Protein....

And beans! I can't/don't eat rice now but enjoy Caribbean food -- to answe your question above about doggy npnags, etc., we eat out a lot and usually I just order small and let my family help me. Cheaper date now for sure. Good luck with all -- you're going to do great. I have all my same friends, by the way.

[CowgirlJane 14,260]

Most of my friends are related to my horse hobby - as a group, fitter than average. I didn't lose any close friends as result of weight loss, but have had some significant relationship changes.

My family has several obese members who gave me alot of grief over "getting too small" but everybody is over that now.

What I have noticed is that I had this large circle of aquaintenances that seem to have floated away. I don't think it has anything to do with the weight loss, but more that alot of my focus has been away from horses into other things in life.