Husband left me!

[cookarue 233]

I'm assuming control and manipulation are a regular part of your lives together. I'm sorry this man isn't able to be there for you, but down the line, you'll have the experience to spot this type a mile down the road. And hey, can't find Mr. Right if Mr. Wrong is around....

[GibbsGirl 483]

Please let us know if you need anything. My husband leaving me was one of the hardest things that ever happened to me. I'm happier on the other end; no one wants to spend their life trying to make someone love them (especially when the real problem is that the person doesn't love themselves.)

My parting thoughts?

1-You will survive this.

2-Don't fight for him; I beg you. Please. I've been there. Let him go.

3-Cry a bunch and kick things. Let him go.

4-Don't do the surgery to show him how much you don't need him or to make him sorry for leaving you. The surgery won't fix him. Do it for you and you only.

5-Let him go.

❤️ We're here for you!

-Julianna

So wise!!!!

[Islagirl#1 31]

I am so sorry, but it sounds like he isn't in it for the long run. I've been watching that show "My 600 pound life" and it's crazy to me how many of the spouses are in the same frame of mind. They like the security of having a fat partner, and being needed. However, the passive aggressive part is that they also like knowing they have the upper hand, as the fat partners generally don't feel secure enough to leave a relationship, even a bad one. Good for you for taking control of your life. If you can get him into counseling maybe you can help him through this, but the bottom line is that you need to be your number one priority. Best wishes to you on your journey

[because 63]

I left my husband over a year ago. He was a sociopath. Any mention of surgery and I was belittled and told it would never be an option. Was sleeved 2/9/16. I'm feeling great and can now lose more weight then just him from my life. One thing I realized is, if I lost weight when I was with him, he would lose control of me. His manipulation consisted of subtle pulls on my low self esteem. Just making this choice to have the sleeve gave me a jump in confidence. I would have undermined his whole reason for being with me. Side note: His true character showed when a month out from our separation he was living with a 21 year old. He was 37. (She is young enough to not see his love comes with strings) sometimes the crap in our lives is, in retrospect, is a true blessing! If he can't be with you, then he CAN'T be with you! Let this be a fresh start. You are doing the right thing this,to me, sounds like him manipulating you. There are men out there that don't manipulate women or give ultimatums especially when what is being done is for the loved ones best interest. My advice (based on my experience only) is to push on, don't put off the surgery. Find your voice and love yourself enough to embrace this gift. If he comes back only take him if HE is worthy of YOU, and not the other way around. Take care!

[OKCPirate 5,323]

Major life events reveal character, and now you see his. My heart hurts for you, but also for the innocent kids who got their trust damaged too by his selfish insecurities.

I would be careful about kicking or hitting things while thinking about this pain. It tends to groove in negative thoughts and creates a pattern you don't really want. (I always thought it was helpful until my therapist explained how damaging it was). I found walking to be a much better way of dealing with the frustration and pain. It is a great place to meditate and get re centered and your kids are going to need you.

BTW, if you can, a therapist would be very handy...before surgery. You see in the next 60 days you are going to experience a hormone roller coaster. Not your fault but all the hormones stored in fat get released very quickly. It's nice to have seen someone before it starts so they can remind you that you are not nuts, but undergoing a temp transformation.

It will also help you make some better relationship changes. During my hormone dump phase, I started looking really good again and it led to a period of promiscuity that I'm not real proud of today. I was four years post divorce at that point, if it was right after, I think I would have been less proud.

[Yadie2006 75]

@@Yadie2006 You probably don't realize this now, but in a month or two, your confidence is going to go through the roof! You will realize that you are worth it. You will look back at how "he" wasn't there for you, and be glad you made the decision to become healthy and thin, instead of obese and unhappy with a man who loves only himself. If he had truly loved you, he would've been there to hold your hand when you were scared before the surgery, and he would be waiting in the recovery room for you to wake up, and be so relieved when you do. But, I don't see that with your man. I see a chickenshit, who wants to control you. Good for you for choosing YOU and your kids. I really don't think you will ever regret that decision. .................and like others have said.....forget him!

thank you very much! today i actually feel better! and you are right , he did always wanted to control everything

[Yadie2006 75]

I am so sorry, but it sounds like he isn't in it for the long run. I've been watching that show "My 600 pound life" and it's crazy to me how many of the spouses are in the same frame of mind. They like the security of having a fat partner, and being needed. However, the passive aggressive part is that they also like knowing they have the upper hand, as the fat partners generally don't feel secure enough to leave a relationship, even a bad one. Good for you for taking control of your life. If you can get him into counseling maybe you can help him through this, but the bottom line is that you need to be your number one priority. Best wishes to you on your journey

thank you

[Tan4sho 39]

Just talk to him. He is afraid your going to start getting attention and that he will lose you. Convince him that you love him and he is all you want. I think you two can work through this he just needs assurance.

Good luck

[Bluesky1 191]

thanks guys! i feel very sad! but i have to stay strong for me, for my son and my daughter. surgery 02/23 a new chapter in my life. ????

I am so sorry to here this. I'm praying for you. I'll be having surgery on Feb. 23rd too. We will start this new adventure together!

Take your pain to the Lord, and Trust that He will see you through. You wil be stronger and healthier. ????

[UnderDaSea 2]

I'm so sorry to hear that! I hope that you guys can resolve things!

[JLilley417 55]

thank you ladies, but he said he doesnt need couseling. he is just shutting all the doors on me. i told him my body will change but not my heart. but he doesnt care. in the beginning he was supportive about my decision but after eveything changed. im doing everything on my own not even once did he go with me to any of my appointments. im on my 2 week pre-op liquid diet and he eats in front of me and even jokes about the Protein Shakes i have to drink. its so hurtful. and today he decided to leave me. he said he is too old and that he is not going to wait the moment i loose weight and leave him thats all he said. he is 40 and im 32 he always making a big deal about the age. saying that ill look for somebody younger. i just dont understand whats wrong with him.

I hate to say it...but from the cheap seats (spectators view)...you're probably much better off. A relationship is a two way street, give and take...seems he only cared about himself. You don't need that crap or negativity in your life. You're worth more.

[dianna22 23]

Wow what a childish move on his part... Sounds like hes getting the cold feet Bout the surgery for you. All i can say is make sure u go through with the surgery. U deserve it and so do ur children. Maybe once u have it he will come to sense and see that u havent changed.

[smithcc1 7]

If he can walk away like that I would say he has a girlfriend.

[Terri Lynn1383837796 139]

It is very hard to be objective about a relationship when you are in it....One day you will thank him for showing his ass! Best of luck to you and your new life! You will not regret this!!

[Jessica Ellison-Correa 66]

I'm sorry for this trial but your gonna be ok just reassure your kids that they did nothing wrong ok they need there mom right now more than ever