Self-soothing and comfort foods post bariatric surgery.

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

I'm going through something pretty awful right now -- this week my sweet, dear, kind husband / best friend received a second cancer diagnosis. And it's bad.

I have some good advice for you: Feel your feelings. Feel 'em. Feel 'em all. Be authentic with yourself. You're going to feel them eventually -- one way or another. And if you try not to feel them, you'll be drawn to something that could turn into something even uglier. But you'll still have the feelings you started out with.

Don't judge yourself negatively for feeling grief, anger, frustration, whatever. Sometimes, some days, some years **** happens. And it sucks. And we would be insane not to feel bad.

Of course, I don't think feeling permanently bad is a goal. That's not what I'm advising. Speaking for myself, I just get through the bad feelings faster and move faster to a more comfortable emotional space when I don't try to avoid what's actually happening at the moment.

This actually is a form of mindfulness.

And obviously, meditation helps -- the kind of meditation where you experience what's really happening and don't try to *make* something else happen.

YMMV.

I am so sorry about your husband.

I agree that we feel the feelings eventually. For me, I had to come to a realization that alternate addictions were where I was headed unless I faced the bad feelings head on. For me, therapy and 12 step programs have helped.

[Sharon1964 2,530]

I have a good friend that I can call or text and all I have to say is "I'm a horrible person" or "it's a bad day", and they will proceed to tell me about all the wonderful things I've done. When I'm feeling very rejected and like nothing can go right, that is what I need - positive words of affirmation.

I have another friend, a platonic guy-friend (YEAH, I HAVE THEM!!!), who is good for a serious hug when I need one. He's taller than me, and envelops me and makes me feel delicate and small and protected.

Those are my soothing things.

[mngreeneyes 674]

This weekend while in Atlanta for a family wedding I discovered Chik Fil A chicken Tortilla Soup. Without the tortilla strips, it seemed pretty WSL friendly. It was even double Protein as it has black and navy Beans as well as chicken. I also found a copycat recipe that I made on Wednesday in my crock pot so I could even tailor it more. I am lactose questionable right now and it had some half and half in it and some fat free sour cream, but other than corn, everything is on my soft food stage diet! If I have it figured correctly, 1 cup is less than 200 calories. I can't eat a full cup of the soup even though I can generally eat close to a cup of food.

I eat it because it tastes good, but if you are looking for something warm, creamy, delicious and on plan, it more than serves the purpose.

pam

[Valentina 2,642]

I have read all of these posts and can empathize with most of them.

I, too am an advocate for having a "good cry".---sometimes a very loud, wailing cry. I feel it cleanses my spirit and actually leaves me feeling better.

I also used to have a male best friend who used to enclose me within his arms whenever I needed to feel "protected and safe". I miss him.

I'm liking the idea of the weighted blanket. I believe that is the "safe and protected" theory coming through. --especially if it can be warmed.

"Comfort food"? I am trying to NOT turn to food when I'm desperate for some comfort. Right now, I am refusing to allow myself to be comforted by food. That's just me and my journey.

I still say, "GET A DOG". He/she have the ability to get you soooo much comfort, love, laughter, loyalty, affection. A dog will meet you at the dog every time you come home with such enthusiasm that no matter how crappy your day was, you will smile--even through tears. They will lay in bed with you for hours, even days when you're ill. They will comfort you with nudges, wet nose kisses, waging tails and play. I can not overstate the therapeutic benefits of having a dog in your life. Even if you are unable to get out and walk a dog, get a tiny dog who can use puppy pads until you are strong enough to walk it. Sometimes just having something in our lives that need us. Something who relies solely on you. Something to take our minds off of our troubles--even for just an hour. Something that no matter what we've done, will love us unconditionally--without explanation or consequences.

I know. I can talk "dogs" for days. I've trained and owned therapy dogs for years and years, and have seen the benefits for both the person and the dog. Endless---and bountiful. That are the win/win benefits of owning a dog.

Comfort??? Now you're talking!!!

[jane13 2,256]

@@VSGAnn2014 - ((((hug))))

praying for your hubby and you!

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

@@VSGAnn2014 I am so sorry about your husband's diagnosis. I am probably the most negative person around in regards to cancer diagnosis, but even I have a new optimism as several people in my circle of colleagues and acquaintances are survivors of types that I never thought was survivable. Prayers and good energy for you and him.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

The answer to this should be "don't use food for comfort"

I think people have made excellent suggestions and someone mentioned having a male friend who would give big protective hugs. It hit me that is one reason I so much miss a certain man who is no longer in my life. He never needed a reason or story but just made me feel really good, and protected. The power of a big warm hug is underrated!

I also have used techniques like a walk, getting on the phone and calling everyone I care about. One time, about two years ago I was having a wretched day. It was a sunny sunday and I must have called 6-8 people before connecting with a friend. I just told her I couldn't be alone that day, she dropped all her plans, we spent the day together and she never needed an explanation. By the time I was back in cell range, I had half a dozen vmails from the people I called. It was a cathartic day, because I reached out and my little world answered.

My dog, exercise and mind occupying Netflix are also helpful.

As far as food, this is a reason I can't keep Cookies etc in the house. Yesterday my leg hurt so bad, I would have eaten any kind of junk food. I am 4 years out and still know that it is inside me to seek comfort from food. I know this sounds nuts, but I have been "reframing" Protein drinks as comfort food. When I have a drive for middle of the night eating, I have Protein Drink. When I am dying for sweets, I have Protein Drink. ( I can't use bars that way as I can eat them too quickly.) I reframe in my mind that when I need comfort I seek self care, something heathy. If I seek something more savory, I will have something like a black and blue salad.

one of the hardest things has been getting used to feeling bad sometimes. Or taking rational actions, like yesterday I got a same day appointment with my primary doc, and basically told him I could not manage the pain with just tylonol anymore. He was very supportive, prescribed an appropriate medication to get me through this, and gave me much emotional comfort. A hug would have been nice, but I guess doctors get sued when they do that sort of thing.

Anyway, bottom line, is think about self care, how would you comfort your best friend or sister? I think we owe ourselves at least that much support.

[VDLT 244]

If I am just generally frustrated or pissed, dancing (I belly dance) really helps me. I put on music and make myself practice.

If I am feeling unappreciated, fat, ugly, or just down what works for me is getting a massage or getting my nails done, or just a blow dry (crazy curly hair over here). I do my makeup and wear something pretty. I know it sounds borderline silly but it does make me feel a lot better to take some time to take care of myself and do something nice. Since you mentioned you are tactile oriented I think the massage or the nail treatment would work for you as well.

[Julie norton 2,850]

@vsganne2014

I am so sorry to hear of your latest life stumbling block . I am hoping you have the strength and the doctors have the tools to conquer this demon .

We are here to listen anytime. Please try to not feel alone . Hope you have a lot of information and a good support system????❤️????

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Thanks, guys. Appreciate your support.

I am tough. So is my hubby. And we do have great doctors. And multiple good support systems.

I really didn't mean to draw attention to myself, but to offer a counterpoint to the OP re how tough life really can get and how comforting ourselves may not be the right choice to make.

But that's the OP's decision to make. And, as always, her mileage may vary.

[Cervidae 2,389]

Thank you for all of your suggestions, everyone. I feel a lot better today.

I suppose I should have specified that I meant healthy comfort foods. Usually my Protein Soup with some chili powder to give it a kick does the trick, but I can't order another shipment until next week. My goal is to find foods that are healthy that also satisfy certain cravings, primarily savory cravings.

There are some really great suggestions here. My favorite one and one I unfortunately can't do for another couple years is to get a dog, but luckily my friend has the sweetest beagle ever and I'm allowed to go over and play with her whenever I want.

Thanks for the support. I think I was just in a bad funk after having a lot of bad things happen all at once. The wildest thing I was never in any danger of eating too.much or eating something bad. I just didn't have any desire or hunger for it.

Guess it's just going to take time to learn how to cope and how to navigate my new body and stomach.

Thanks again.

[Pescador 1,374]

Thanks, guys. Appreciate your support.

I am tough. So is my hubby. And we do have great doctors. And multiple good support systems.

I really didn't mean to draw attention to myself, but to offer a counterpoint to the OP re how tough life really can get and how comforting ourselves may not be the right choice to make.

But that's the OP's decision to make. And, as always, her mileage may vary.

That is the beauty of posting from the heart. We get to know others' trials, tribulations, joy and sorrow. I always like being reminded that no matter your journey, someone else is fighting a harder battle. Be kind. Be caring. God Bless Ann.

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

Thank you for all of your suggestions, everyone. I feel a lot better today.

I suppose I should have specified that I meant healthy comfort foods. Usually my Protein Soup with some chili powder to give it a kick does the trick, but I can't order another shipment until next week. My goal is to find foods that are healthy that also satisfy certain cravings, primarily savory cravings.

There are some really great suggestions here. My favorite one and one I unfortunately can't do for another couple years is to get a dog, but luckily my friend has the sweetest beagle ever and I'm allowed to go over and play with her whenever I want.

Thanks for the support. I think I was just in a bad funk after having a lot of bad things happen all at once. The wildest thing I was never in any danger of eating too.much or eating something bad. I just didn't have any desire or hunger for it.

Guess it's just going to take time to learn how to cope and how to navigate my new body and stomach.

Thanks again.

I find chili, refried Beans, black Beans, soup, etc. comforting. I don't make it myself, but my mom's pot roast with roasted vegetables is good, too.

If you think in terms of high-protein, low starch you should be ok.

[glitter eyes 1,398]

@VsgAnn2014. I will keep you and your husband in my thoughts and prayers.

[AnA92212 577]

food just doesn't hold the same comfort for me that it once did. I used food for all things before...happy, sad, up, down, and inbetween. I don't really have a to-go food, because I don't go to food any more. I eat food that tastes good, but it is merely fuel so I can do things I want to do. I stay extremely busy though. I work full time, I am in grad school, I have an 11 month old baby, family commitments, church, etc.

Do you have a friend or family member to talk to? To go shopping with? Get a pedicure?