Needing encouragement

[librarianlk 26]

I have been seeing a therapist for about a year and we have a good relationship. But she is very down on me having VSG surgery. I know it's not a quick fix that it's going to be a lot of work. I've explained this to her. She thinks I can do it on my own. I did lose sixty pounds on Optifast a couple of years ago but gained it all back and thirty pounds more on top of that. Since then it's been a struggle. I've gone down eleven pounds in the last nine months, and it's very discouraging. I guess I'm hoping to hear from you that if I feel this is the right move for me, can I get a little encouragement? I've dieted for years and yet I keep gaining weight after I go off the diet. Is the sleeve worth it? How many of you were discouraged from pursuing it and what made it worthwhile for you?

Thanks

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I don't know what is best for you, but I can share my experience.

After a lifetime of losing only to regain even more, weighing very 300 I decided I must have an eating disorder. I went to an eating disorders clinic for evaluation and they said no, but rather disordered eating. I didn't click with their therapist so went to another who specialized in obesity.

So, I tell her my life story, what I had done to work through those issues and she was convinced I was hiding deep dark secrets, which I was not. She kept asking me what I felt..what triggered me to eat and simply could not fathom that I was always hungry! The day she gave me a book called "Ed" the name a woman gave to her eating disorder (and I could not relate to her story at all) I called shenanigans in the whole deal and finally pursued the sleeve.

I lost 150# in 14 months and have sought counseling since that time which has been helpful.

The thing is obesity is a disease process and you eventually reach a point where all that fat triggers hunger hormones - a metabolic imbalance. I was hungry 24/7 and no talk therapy ever touched that.

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

I would encourage you to recommend your therapist to learn more about weight loss surgery. If she is this discouraging, she may not know much about it (which isn't uncommon).

[JamieLogical 8,708]

I would encourage you to recommend your therapist to learn more about weight loss surgery. If she is this discouraging, she may not know much about it (which isn't uncommon).

I agree. It could just be a lack of understanding on her part. In any case, you need to make the best decision for YOURSELF and not let others' opinions and ignorance influence you. For some of us WLS is an excellent option (maybe the only option) for long term success.

[ACV 34]

I just went trough the negative opinion from my therapist. Very aggravating.

Edited February 9, 2016 by ACV

[betterlife7 16]

I absolutely believe you have to do what is best for you! A therapist should not discourage a healthy lifestyle choice! I went tk a counselor once who was always making me question myself because of her personal opinions or life experiences! Guess what? I changed counselors! I was so happy I did too! Because my new counselor was great and encouraging!

[librarianlk 26]

Thanks for the good advice, everyone. I have a lot to think about, but I'm definitely going ahead and having my surgeon consultation on February 25. I have to trust my own experience.

[Pescador 1,374]

Therapists can be great, or not. Sounds like you need a change. My husband was on Optifast twice in his life, a year of shakes, and lost 100 lbs each time. Immediately gained it back. He was fat all his life, and miserable. At age 66, after 15 years of weight loss surgery seminars, I led him into the sleeve. He was so scared about it. We now have the greatest laughs over that. He is 69 this year, has a wardrobe that makes him come out dancing everytime he gets dressed, and for the first time in his life he feels good about himself. Priceless! I also had the sleeve, and we are living life, on the beach, and no longer vegetating.

[syjaeger84@gmail.com 9]

I, too, see a therapist twice a week. We have talked about this surgery from every aspect, and she is totally on board with my decision. I just flat out told her it was my life and my decision alone. Will your therapist continue to see you after surgery? I sure hope so, because you will need them. I know I will need my as an active member of my support group. Be honest with your therapist and tell them how they are making you feel with their discouraging statements.

[Mistie 201]

Clinically, it's it your therapists place to push you. Their opinion is moot. They are there to guide you as you make YOUR decision - their values and beliefs are irrelevant - and if they are bringing them into the session, find a new clinician.

Edit: NOT your therapists place to push you!

Edited February 7, 2016 by Mistie

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Yeah, your therapist has stepped WAY outside the bounds of what her brief as your therapist should be. WAY outside!

Serious protip here from someone who's also in therapy: Your goal in therapy is NOT to make life decisions in order to seek or receive your therapist's approval. That's would be as inappropriate as making life decisions to seek / obtain approval from your parents, spouse, friends, or random strangers.

Given that so many competent psychologists, psychiatrists, counselors and social workers support WLS patients to make their weight loss and maintenance experiences more successful, it is obvious that your therapist's opinions about WLS are due to a lack of education and personal bias.

If I were in your shoes I would tell your therapist in very clear terms that you require her support as you go through WLS and that if she cannot support you fully on that journey that you and she need to end your professional relationship. If you do go continue therapy with her, you should require that she educate herself about WLS.

Still, it is truly a pain in the a** to have to educate everyone in our circles about WLS, especially those on our medical and psychological support teams. If you don't want to go this route, you should seek another therapist who doesn't have this blind spot due to ignorance and personal bias and with whom you could quickly build the same (or better) rapport it sounds like you and your current therapist built.

[Barry W 336]

I have been seeing a therapist for about a year and we have a good relationship. But she is very down on me having VSG surgery. I know it's not a quick fix that it's going to be a lot of work. I've explained this to her. She thinks I can do it on my own. I did lose sixty pounds on Optifast a couple of years ago but gained it all back and thirty pounds more on top of that. Since then it's been a struggle. I've gone down eleven pounds in the last nine months, and it's very discouraging. I guess I'm hoping to hear from you that if I feel this is the right move for me, can I get a little encouragement? I've dieted for years and yet I keep gaining weight after I go off the diet. Is the sleeve worth it? How many of you were discouraged from pursuing it and what made it worthwhile for you?

Thanks

It is a fairly drastic remedy, so I don't want to actually try to "talk you into it". But I have decided to go with the VSG procedure after my own struggles with weight and associated health issues that have cropped up as I approach my senior years. Mine will be done at the end of this month. I looked into this very thoroughly, polling people here, reading of their experiences, plus a lot of literature research - I am a scientist. My own feeling is that it's not like it's something one should do lightly. There will likely be discomfort in the month following surgery, and there are risks of malnutrition and surgical complications. But these risks can be mitigated by choosing your surgeon carefully, and learning what you should do as a patient and complying faithfully.

Then there is the fact that you still need to do a lifestyle change, just as you would if you didn't have surgery, and it is possible to "cheat" and not lose or gain the weight back if someone really does the wrong things, so it's not an easy answer. However, there is no avoiding that work, and I believe that having the surgery will improve my chances of accomplishing this change and sticking with it. The reduced hunger that normally accompanies the reduction in stomach tissue is one of the benefits of the VSG option for bariatric surgery. Plus you will have the greatly reduced stomach volume and (hopefully) a greater sense of gravity for the whole lifestyle change after going through surgical change to help get there.

I think this should only be the last resort. However, if you have made numerous serious attempts to lose weight and failed each time to keep it off, and you have health issues looming in your future (or already), then I think that the risks of not having the surgery can be greater than the risks of having the surgery. That's where I am.