I'm sooooo ready........

voodookitty · July 30, 2007

To feel alive again. I’m trying to remember the last time I felt truly happy without the thought of how much more perfect the moment would be if I were slim. Just plain happiness coupled with contentment. It scares me that I can’t remember.

What promised to be a beautiful weekend was just shattered. My mouth still feels dry and rancid from the taste of absolute horror from yesterday afternoon. As many of you have seen (or experienced) we have been getting absolutely pounded with torrential rain here in the UK. The sun has barely peeked out from behind the clouds in nearly two months. Finally we got a lovely weekend to enjoy. DH and I spent a good bit of Saturday doing the usual weekend errands then came home to work in our garden.

We both love gardening. I get so much joy out of seeing things grow from seed to absolute beauty. It was all looking somewhat overgrown and tatty with not being able to weed but a few hours later new life had been breathed into it. In my happiness I suggested to dh that we invite a few friends around Sunday for a BBQ. He’s always surprised these days by my wanting to actually socialize with others so he readily agreed.

We made calls that were accepted and started our advance preparations. DH and I dragged the plastic resin garden furniture out, gave it a good clean and set up the umbrella over the table. I spent that evening at home putting meats into marinade, preparing salads, etc. Sunday dawned as beautiful and balmy as the day before. It was all going perfectly and for once I wasn’t thinking about how fat I was and whether dh’s friends would be wondering why a fantastic sexy guy like him married a fat old frump like me.

We were ¾ of the way through a really wonderful BBQ and everyone was sat around the table chatting and laughing when IT happened. One minute I was laughing along at a joke and the next thing I knew I was lying on the ground in extreme pain, legs in the air and my dress gathered at my waist.

The damned legs of the plastic resin garden chair had just melted and buckled under my weight and the heat. The back legs snapped right off and I had flipped over backwards, narrowly missing a concrete post and smacking my head onto the stone patio. I heard myself try to make a joke and everyone was clustered around me. My dh’s face was ashen as he tried to help me up. I couldn’t joke; I was in too much pain.

Luckily I’m not really hurt. My back is bruised and painful, I have a knot on my head from where it hit and I count myself lucky something worse didn’t happen. Still, I hated myself at that moment and pretty much for most of last night. They were all so polite citing dry rot, etc regarding why the chair had broken but I know why it did. I’m too g’dam fat. This surgery can’t come quick enough. I need help.:help:

babs0101 · July 30, 2007

voodookitty, don't be so hard on yourself. I've seen those resin chairs soften and colapse several times. Not everyone on the chair was a "big" person. It has happened to those of average weight.

Keep the faith, your day will come.

GayleTX · July 30, 2007

Seems like every heavy woman I know has a lawn chair story in her past. I'm so sorry your day was ruined but sometimes it takes a humiliating incident to give us the motivation to do what we need to do for ourselves. Put that on your list of "things that will never happen to me again because I'm going to be thin for the rest of my life."

voodookitty · July 30, 2007

Thanks so much for your support. You know, I'm sure it's a common theme. I made the appointment and deposit for my surgery last week so that was the first step towards...this will never happen again....

Congrats on your loss! It must feel fantastic to have reached the under 200 mark !!!