Fat Shaming Husband...so hurt

[FeelingFancy 15]

Girl, get yourself healthy and out of there! Read Louise Hay, "You can heal your Life," It changed my life.

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[Bluesky1 191]

I was in an awful marriage for 13 years to a sociopath. Our beginning was swift, every sign pointed to us being made for each other. That's their ploy, they feel the same and make it seem that you are perfect and made for each other. That is until they have you. Then slowly they rip away freedoms, self worth, self confidence. Slowly, so you don't notice them disappear. You no longer become "good enough" and everything is your fault and your responsibility if something goes bad. With extensive ghost lighting you question reality and become a victim and see no way out. You are trapped. And they make sure you question whether you could even make it on your own. Honey, I left that man a year and a half ago and never looked back. I am just coming to my own and am two weeks out from my sleeve. I'm finally working on me and love me again because I am an awesome person! If this sounds like your situation. Find an opportunity (first disability check) and go! Life is too short to try and make someone happy who's only joy is the manipulation and misery of others. God does not want that for you and maybe he was put in your life to give you the warning to not get caught up in the trap again. My next Husband will love me as much as I love him or he will not be my husband. Sorry this is so long. I just hear you saying the same things I would say about myself when I was with my ex. His reflection is distorted and you need to see through Gods eyes. You are beautiful and the sleeve can only make you healthy. You are already worthy of love and affection!

Thank you so much for your response. I just saw that you wrote it. For some reason, I don't get all of my notifications. I am glad that you are doing well, and working on yourself....and that your self love is coming back. I too have the unfortunate experience of being with a sociopath (before I met my husband)...he really destroyed my life and he too had negative things to say about my weight.

Truthfully, my weight has been a problem in every relationship I've been in...mind you...I'm not trying to boast...but, I'm not an ugly woman...even with weight on me. I have just never stayed a certain size, and have yoyo'd all my life. So, my husband has just been another person who has made me feel not good enough about my weight, the problem is I have a love for him as my husband...that I've never had for any other person. I was glad to hear from other people that I'm not crazy, but it is mean to keep at someone about their weight. I don't plan on leaving him now, but it helps to know that I am worthy and people are praying for me and for us. I appreciate all of your supportive and kind words. They mean a lot to me. God bless you!

[Bluesky1 191]

Hello All,

Thank you for all of your words of encouragement, support, and experience. I just wanted to update you on things. So, I had my surgery on Feb. 23rd. I'm 10 days post op, and 11 lbs down. I feel great about that.

I wanted to let you all know that my husband has been Amazing since the day I went in for surgery. He let me know that he did not agree or support the surgery, but he supports me. He drove me to the hospital, waited all day, stayed with me, came and visited the next day, brought me flowers, drove me home, went to the grocery several times, took over housework, and most importantly....he has been kind. I can see, and he has made comments that he notices the weight loss already. He has told me I look beautiful, and I can see he is making an effort to not be negative about the weight. As a Christian, we have the Holy Spirit to lead us and guide us in to all truth. He also chastens us when we are wrong. I believe He has been dealing with my husband, and that is in large part why he has been better about it.

My husband has shown me that he does love me. I don't agree with the pain he's caused me with the weight comments. But, I am trying to look at the bigger picture. And, I see a man who is trying to do better.

I have really tried to take your words to heart, and see myself as God sees me. What's hardest is my husband is just the most current person who has made comments, or made me feel bad about my weight. Every single person I have been with has had an issue when I've gained weight. They may not have been so aggressive or mean about it, but believe me....I know they didn't like it. I can't say I have the experience of being with someone with a weight issue. I have always dated fit people, and my husband is built like a model. So, maybe it would bother me too honestly. I don't really know.

Back to post-op.....it's HARD! I am hungry. I can't wait to add more food. I guess I was hoping I would just wake up and not be hungry anymore. That hasn't been my experience. I definitely feel hunger. I'm praying that goes away once I can eat more regularly. Part of the reason I had the surgery was to be free of the ravenous hunger that has always plagued me, the other reason was so a normal portion would satisfy me (hence I would maintain a normal weight). I have always (since I was 5 and skinny needed A LOT of food to feel satisfied).

So....we shall see. Thank you again for all of your replies. Good night and God bless!

[Cape Crooner 589]

Hello All,

Thank you for all of your words of encouragement, support, and experience. I just wanted to update you on things. So, I had my surgery on Feb. 23rd. I'm 10 days post op, and 11 lbs down. I feel great about that.

I wanted to let you all know that my husband has been Amazing since the day I went in for surgery. He let me know that he did not agree or support the surgery, but he supports me. He drove me to the hospital, waited all day, stayed with me, came and visited the next day, brought me flowers, drove me home, went to the grocery several times, took over housework, and most importantly....he has been kind. I can see, and he has made comments that he notices the weight loss already. He has told me I look beautiful, and I can see he is making an effort to not be negative about the weight. As a Christian, we have the Holy Spirit to lead us and guide us in to all truth. He also chastens us when we are wrong. I believe He has been dealing with my husband, and that is in large part why he has been better about it.

My husband has shown me that he does love me. I don't agree with the pain he's caused me with the weight comments. But, I am trying to look at the bigger picture. And, I see a man who is trying to do better.

I have really tried to take your words to heart, and see myself as God sees me. What's hardest is my husband is just the most current person who has made comments, or made me feel bad about my weight. Every single person I have been with has had an issue when I've gained weight. They may not have been so aggressive or mean about it, but believe me....I know they didn't like it. I can't say I have the experience of being with someone with a weight issue. I have always dated fit people, and my husband is built like a model. So, maybe it would bother me too honestly. I don't really know.

Back to post-op.....it's HARD! I am hungry. I can't wait to add more food. I guess I was hoping I would just wake up and not be hungry anymore. That hasn't been my experience. I definitely feel hunger. I'm praying that goes away once I can eat more regularly. Part of the reason I had the surgery was to be free of the ravenous hunger that has always plagued me, the other reason was so a normal portion would satisfy me (hence I would maintain a normal weight). I have always (since I was 5 and skinny needed A LOT of food to feel satisfied).

So....we shall see. Thank you again for all of your replies. Good night and God bless!

As I guessed, your husband is just a guy, and most guys don't really know how to talk to women (eventually most just learn to fake it).

Similarly, most women "hear" things we men day, that we never intended!

In terms of hunger post opt, I agree that my surgery didn't do much to diminish my appetite either.

I used two other tools that always worked before - Protein and capsaicin.

I found that if I avoid carbs, eat Protein (some fat okay), and make everything spicy, my appetite says in check.

[Bluesky1 191]

Hello All,

Thank you for all of your words of encouragement, support, and experience. I just wanted to update you on things. So, I had my surgery on Feb. 23rd. I'm 10 days post op, and 11 lbs down. I feel great about that.

I wanted to let you all know that my husband has been Amazing since the day I went in for surgery. He let me know that he did not agree or support the surgery, but he supports me. He drove me to the hospital, waited all day, stayed with me, came and visited the next day, brought me flowers, drove me home, went to the grocery several times, took over housework, and most importantly....he has been kind. I can see, and he has made comments that he notices the weight loss already. He has told me I look beautiful, and I can see he is making an effort to not be negative about the weight. As a Christian, we have the Holy Spirit to lead us and guide us in to all truth. He also chastens us when we are wrong. I believe He has been dealing with my husband, and that is in large part why he has been better about it.

My husband has shown me that he does love me. I don't agree with the pain he's caused me with the weight comments. But, I am trying to look at the bigger picture. And, I see a man who is trying to do better.

I have really tried to take your words to heart, and see myself as God sees me. What's hardest is my husband is just the most current person who has made comments, or made me feel bad about my weight. Every single person I have been with has had an issue when I've gained weight. They may not have been so aggressive or mean about it, but believe me....I know they didn't like it. I can't say I have the experience of being with someone with a weight issue. I have always dated fit people, and my husband is built like a model. So, maybe it would bother me too honestly. I don't really know.

Back to post-op.....it's HARD! I am hungry. I can't wait to add more food. I guess I was hoping I would just wake up and not be hungry anymore. That hasn't been my experience. I definitely feel hunger. I'm praying that goes away once I can eat more regularly. Part of the reason I had the surgery was to be free of the ravenous hunger that has always plagued me, the other reason was so a normal portion would satisfy me (hence I would maintain a normal weight). I have always (since I was 5 and skinny needed A LOT of food to feel satisfied).

So....we shall see. Thank you again for all of your replies. Good night and God bless!

As I guessed, your husband is just a guy, and most guys don't really know how to talk to women (eventually most just learn to fake it).

Similarly, most women "hear" things we men day, that we never intended!

In terms of hunger post opt, I agree that my surgery didn't do much to diminish my appetite either.

I used two other tools that always worked before - Protein and capsaicin.

I found that if I avoid carbs, eat Protein (some fat okay), and make everything spicy, my appetite says in check.

Your experience is invaluable, thanks for sharing it.

I can't wait to add protein, but I can't imagine anything spicy at the moment. Even broth with a more oniony taste has made my stomach hurt. The day cannot come soon enough for me to add real food. I don't see my doctor until next Thursday. Hopefully I'll get to add something heavier than Clear liquids.

[Nurse_Lenora 903]

I have not read every post so I apologize if I reiterate what someone has already said.

Abuse is not always visible, abuse is not always physical. Many times psychological and emotional abuse are much worse than physical abuse and no one should shame their partner and ridicule them.

I'm sorry OP but I would seriously consider moving on to someone who loves and appreciates you. Relationships should not hurt. Hurt physically or emotionally. Please seek help and not from someone in the church but from a medical professional. Marriage and family counselor or psychologist.

[Cape Crooner 589]

I wonder how many of the women who are advising the OP to leave her husband (or worse) are happily married to perfect men!

[Nurse_Lenora 903]

I wonder how many of the women who are advising the OP to leave her husband (or worse) are happily married to perfect men!

Well, my post was in part due to my own personal experience and although no one is perfect I am now with a partner who would never ridicule or emotionally abuse me. I was not as lucky in the past.

So my opinion is based on personal experience as well as professional experience.

[Valentina 2,642]

Hello All,

Thank you for all of your words of encouragement, support, and experience. I just wanted to update you on things. So, I had my surgery on Feb. 23rd. I'm 10 days post op, and 11 lbs down. I feel great about that.

I wanted to let you all know that my husband has been Amazing since the day I went in for surgery. He let me know that he did not agree or support the surgery, but he supports me. He drove me to the hospital, waited all day, stayed with me, came and visited the next day, brought me flowers, drove me home, went to the grocery several times, took over housework, and most importantly....he has been kind. I can see, and he has made comments that he notices the weight loss already. He has told me I look beautiful, and I can see he is making an effort to not be negative about the weight. As a Christian, we have the Holy Spirit to lead us and guide us in to all truth. He also chastens us when we are wrong. I believe He has been dealing with my husband, and that is in large part why he has been better about it.

My husband has shown me that he does love me. I don't agree with the pain he's caused me with the weight comments. But, I am trying to look at the bigger picture. And, I see a man who is trying to do better.

I have really tried to take your words to heart, and see myself as God sees me. What's hardest is my husband is just the most current person who has made comments, or made me feel bad about my weight. Every single person I have been with has had an issue when I've gained weight. They may not have been so aggressive or mean about it, but believe me....I know they didn't like it. I can't say I have the experience of being with someone with a weight issue. I have always dated fit people, and my husband is built like a model. So, maybe it would bother me too honestly. I don't really know.

Back to post-op.....it's HARD! I am hungry. I can't wait to add more food. I guess I was hoping I would just wake up and not be hungry anymore. That hasn't been my experience. I definitely feel hunger. I'm praying that goes away once I can eat more regularly. Part of the reason I had the surgery was to be free of the ravenous hunger that has always plagued me, the other reason was so a normal portion would satisfy me (hence I would maintain a normal weight). I have always (since I was 5 and skinny needed A LOT of food to feel satisfied).

So....we shall see. Thank you again for all of your replies. Good night and God bless!

Hello again, my friend.

So very happy for you that your surgery is behind you. So, here you are at the gateway to your new future.

I don't believe that now is the best time for you to be making any life changing decisions. You just had major surgery. You mind, and spirit as well as your body need time to "heal". Be kind to yourself. Take a breath. Rest for a wee bit. You will have to choose our own battles, just not now.

Rest, observe your "world" around you. You had the strength to have major surgery when your worldly support was crumbling all around you. You will know what the right decisions will be--for you. Trust yourself.

Prayers still going up for you, my friend.

Keep letting us know how you're doing.

[Bluesky1 191]

Hello again, my friend.

Hello All,

Thank you for all of your words of encouragement, support, and experience. I just wanted to update you on things. So, I had my surgery on Feb. 23rd. I'm 10 days post op, and 11 lbs down. I feel great about that.

I wanted to let you all know that my husband has been Amazing since the day I went in for surgery. He let me know that he did not agree or support the surgery, but he supports me. He drove me to the hospital, waited all day, stayed with me, came and visited the next day, brought me flowers, drove me home, went to the grocery several times, took over housework, and most importantly....he has been kind. I can see, and he has made comments that he notices the weight loss already. He has told me I look beautiful, and I can see he is making an effort to not be negative about the weight. As a Christian, we have the Holy Spirit to lead us and guide us in to all truth. He also chastens us when we are wrong. I believe He has been dealing with my husband, and that is in large part why he has been better about it.

My husband has shown me that he does love me. I don't agree with the pain he's caused me with the weight comments. But, I am trying to look at the bigger picture. And, I see a man who is trying to do better.

I have really tried to take your words to heart, and see myself as God sees me. What's hardest is my husband is just the most current person who has made comments, or made me feel bad about my weight. Every single person I have been with has had an issue when I've gained weight. They may not have been so aggressive or mean about it, but believe me....I know they didn't like it. I can't say I have the experience of being with someone with a weight issue. I have always dated fit people, and my husband is built like a model. So, maybe it would bother me too honestly. I don't really know.

Back to post-op.....it's HARD! I am hungry. I can't wait to add more food. I guess I was hoping I would just wake up and not be hungry anymore. That hasn't been my experience. I definitely feel hunger. I'm praying that goes away once I can eat more regularly. Part of the reason I had the surgery was to be free of the ravenous hunger that has always plagued me, the other reason was so a normal portion would satisfy me (hence I would maintain a normal weight). I have always (since I was 5 and skinny needed A LOT of food to feel satisfied).

So....we shall see. Thank you again for all of your replies. Good night and God bless!

So very happy for you that your surgery is behind you. So, here you are at the gateway to your new future.

I don't believe that now is the best time for you to be making any life changing decisions. You just had major surgery. You mind, and spirit as well as your body need time to "heal". Be kind to yourself. Take a breath. Rest for a wee bit. You will have to choose our own battles, just not now.

Rest, observe your "world" around you. You had the strength to have major surgery when your worldly support was crumbling all around you. You will know what the right decisions will be--for you. Trust yourself.

Prayers still going up for you, my friend.

Keep letting us know how you're doing.

Thank you for your heartfelt and very wise response. This is actually my second surgery in 8 weeks, so I really do need to rest and heal.....trying to do that daily.

I don't plan on leaving my husband. His behavior has been abusive around my weight, and it is unacceptable, and I've told him that. I also see a man who does a lot to show me he loves me. He has taken care of me very well for both surgeries, and he works hard to take care of our family.

It is clear to me that divorce also has consequences. I know a lot of divorced people, and believe me...that has it's own pain. It is not a decision that I, (or any one else for that matter) should take lightly.

I really wanted support from the forum... to know that this thing my husband was doing (around my weight) was in fact wrong, and hurtful. I got that support, and I'm very grateful. Sometimes you need to know that...yes...it is OK to feel hurt by this person's behavior.

Your words are really exactly what I needed to hear. I am taking this time to put the focus back on me, my healing, recovery, and the weight loss journey that I'm on.

Thank you for taking the time to write such a heartfelt response. And I will take all the prayers I can get. Praying for you too!

[Bluesky1 191]

I wonder how many of the women who are advising the OP to leave her husband (or worse) are happily married to perfect men!

This is very true.

[Bluesky1 191]

I have not read every post so I apologize if I reiterate what someone has already said.

Abuse is not always visible, abuse is not always physical. Many times psychological and emotional abuse are much worse than physical abuse and no one should shame their partner and ridicule them.

I'm sorry OP but I would seriously consider moving on to someone who loves and appreciates you. Relationships should not hurt. Hurt physically or emotionally. Please seek help and not from someone in the church but from a medical professional. Marriage and family counselor or psychologist.

Thank you for your post. I agree that emotional abuse is far more damaging than any abuse. I have unfortunately suffered a lot of abuse in my life. I have been in therapy, and domestic violence counseling in the past (for a past relationship). I plan on setting up Christian marital counseling as soon as I'm well enough.

Again, thank you for your post.

[Montana Gal 448]

I am so very sorry this is happening to you. Is there a women's shelter in your area? If so, call them. They will help you. Next, find a lawyer to help you with the disability paperwork(They do not charge until you get paid). If this doesn't get his attention and he isn't willing to go through counseling, have the lawyer file the divorce paperwork as well. You are not stuck, there are ways to get help!

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

So glad he is supporting you now...and making a real effort. People (me included!!!) Can really mess up, even when they care alot.

I want to throw another thought out there. Sometimes we are so incredibly SELF critical about our weight that a small criticism even feels like a crushing blow. I hated being obese so I imagined my ex hated me for it. I lost 125# when I asked him if he'd noticed. It became clear that my weight was not the central issue in our relationship even though it was hard for me to imagine that it wasn't.

And now for a little humor...when I was obese, I didn't feel too desirable physically. So, now I am dating and an unreal number of men indicate liking a woman who is at least a little overweight. Seriously. .. I finally have a skinny butt and fat ones are all the rage! ! You have to have a sense of humor about it too.

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[Briardlady 73]

On a practical note: For your hunger issue, are you on a ppi to control stomach acid? I had to try two before I found one that worked, and once that kicked in, the hunger pangs went away. I had never had acid issues before, getting it under control made a huge difference.