Unrealistic expectations

[acuri08 28]

My expectations for the amount of weight I will lose, or how fast I will lost it have never been unrealistic. I didn't get fat overnight and I know I won't get healthy overnight either. My expectations for how I would feel after surgery where apparently completely off! I am 12 days post op and I have yet to be happy about my surgery. I went into this journey thinking my pain after surgery would be minimal, and that my desire for pizza, Bagels, and brownie batter would just disappear. Why? I have no idea. It sounds really stupid when I say it. I just saw all these people posting on forums about all their success right out of the gate and thought, wow this is great. To make matters worse I have watched three of my family members have the surgery and struggle. My grandmother had serious complications and almost died. My aunt had a blockage and a lot of issues with scar tissue. My mom had pneumonia and ended up back in the hospital. Yet, despite seeing there struggles I thought this was going to be a piece of cake recovery. I have struggled with the pain since day 1. Still now I can hardly walk because it feels like my left side is physically tearing open and it burns like no ones business. I also had a pretty bad allergic reaction to the steri strips. All of my incisions are swollen like golf balls and red and itchy. In addition to my pain I still struggle with my desire for food. I even desire foods I never would have wanted before. I am guilty of licking a French fry and nibbling a cookie. They weren't even satisfying. food was a hobby for me as well as my fiancé. Of course he is one of those people who can eat What he wants and not gain weight. I find myself struggling because I am stuck in bed and I'm bored and all that does is make me want to eat, because eating is something to do. I thought having the surgery would cure my food cravings for the fear of getting sick, but I was so wrong! My head was not in the right place before surgery, my expectations where way off. I think it's important to share these struggles because more times than not the things we read are about success. Everyone would rather share their success than their struggles. No one likes admitting they nibbled a cookie or licked a French fry, it makes us feel weak. I also think people struggle to share these things because of the backlash. I have read people sharing that they messed up and that they just want to get back on track and then people comment things like, "SMH, I can't believe you would risk ruining your tool." It saddens me to see that even with the overwhelming support from others, there are some out there who have had the surgery and feel that their success gives them the right to bash people for their mistakes. I have asked myself daily why I couldn't just do this the easy way, diet and exercise. Why did I have to put myself through this pain. Of course everyone out there who hasn't had surgery considers surgery the easy way, but it really is the hardest thing to do to yourself, for yourself. Before writing this I had a moment where I felt good about my decision. I saw a picture of my 16 year old cousin in a bathing suit, she in no way has the perfect body but she is healthy and gorgeous. I thought about how this temporary pain will allow me to be healthy like her someday and I smiled for the first time since surgery. I am not at a point where I would encourage people to have surgery, but I in no way would ever want to discourage someone from having it. I have struggled with depression and very high anxiety for a long time. My depression is well managed by medication, and my anxiety although medicated has always still been a huge battle. I don't see a psychologist and I know I should. Before my surgery I did the bare minimum required to be approved, including one visit with the psychologist for bariatrics. My biggest advice to anyone who wants or needs surgery is to really commit to therapy first. My biggest mistake was not taking the time to do that for myself. I have the hugest support system. Most people don't have nearly the amount of people helping them physically and mentally that I do. Despite all this support therapy is still necessary. First thing tomorrow morning I am calling to get myself the psychological help I need for this journey. It's a disservice to myself not too. It's hard to not have unrealistic expectations seeing the stories of other people, but we are all individuals and we are all different. To all those currently struggling with me and all those who struggle in the future I hope you find your way as I am slowly doing. I know what it feels like to be alone regardless of the support around you.

I did not require a preop diet. Highest weight and surgery weight was 277. Current weight 12 days post op is 255.

Edited January 26, 2016 by acuri08

[Daisee68 2,493]

Therapy has been my number one tool. Even bigger than the bypass some days. I highly recommend it and applaud you for wanting to pursue that avenue! Best of luck to you!

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

Thank you for sharing about your struggles. I don't think it is uncommon at all to feel some regret and struggle, especially soon after surgery.

You are healing and you hormones are all over the place. Also, you are probably in some serious food withdrawal.

If you haven't dealt with your food/eating issues before surgery, it is difficult to cope at first when your primary coping mechanism is no longer available to you.

I do agree with your advice about seeking help with both your depression and eating issues with a therapist. I am convinced that all the years I have spent on therapy and dealing with my food addiction have paid off in helping me be successful after surgery.

It is never too late to ask for and accept help.

For now, please focus on following your post-op plan and do everything you can to get in your Protein and fluids. That and walking will help you feel much better soon.

You can do this!

[yerawizardamy 241]

Thank you so much for writing this! I was thinking about doing something similar, but feared the backlash that seems to come at the admittance of even a tiny bit of regret over this surgery.

I am nearly 2 weeks post-op and it has seriously taken it's toll on not just my physical health but mostly my mental health. I had a lot of pain the first week and a lot of boredom from not being able to do much, which leads to a lot of negative thinking. Finally, I am no longer in a lot of pain, but now I'm dealing with other issues. I am exhausted all the time. It took all my strength and willpower to take a shower and go grocery shopping. I didn't even put all the groceries away before having to lay down in bed. Every time I eat, (I'm on puree foods right now) I feel like crap and need to lie down again. I don't get nauseous or throw up thankfully, but I get a headache and a sour stomach.

All of these things are really starting to build up and I'm fighting off sinking in to a bad funk. Luckily, I do not suffer from clinical depression so I know eventually I will snap out of this, but I can tell this episode is going to be bad. I have an appointment with a therapist that specializes in food addiction therapy on Wednesday and I'm actually really eager to see her. I know she can't make everything better, but at least I'll be able to bounce around some ideas for coping with someone.

I say all of this so others who are about to embark on this journey understand that it is NOT always as easy as most people here seem to have it. I think a lot of that "it wasn't so bad" mindset comes from having time away from it and the results being so good. I totally understand that and I don't doubt that a few months from now, I might even be saying "it was worth it/it's not as bad as I thought". Well, I certainly hope I am! But right now, it is a daily, sometimes hourly struggle to keep from breaking down.

I hope those who are at the point where they "love their sleeve/tool" can either remember the struggle of the newly post-op, or if they had a smooth and easy recovery, to understand where we might be coming from.

Edited to add: I want to also say that there have been some great things already for me, I've lost nearly 40lbs in 4 weeks and I had a NSV of a shirt that didn't quite fit before fit perfectly today. I know that this will be worth it in the long run, I just think I'm going to have a harder time adjusting than most. ????

Edited January 26, 2016 by yerawizardamy

[miles to go 4]

I'm there with you! I didn't have any pain from the surgery (done 1/13) but I had a really big issue with no energy and I still want to eat normal food. This journey has been not as easy as they said it would be. Many people told be after surgery I won't want to eat normal foods, the desire will just go away and it will actually be a chore to eat. Uhh not so for me. Mental health is just as important as your physical health and I applaud you for this post! I'm here for you if you' need someone to talk to.

[ebwinslo 9]

I am with you on this!

From reading these forums I honestly thought that the surgery would 1) not hurt that badly 2) would decrease my cravings.

NOPE. WRONG.

First of all, I woke up from surgery and immediately started dry heaving because I was in so much pain. I had to beg my nurse to find my doctor and get me stronger meds STAT. Even after I got those, it was still 2 weeks of intense pain, a week of moderate pain, then a week of minimal pain. At 5 weeks out I can now say that I don't have any pain. But, having said that, I still feel very weak (probably because I don't eat that many calories).

In terms of cravings it has been quite a journey. Immediately after surgery and for the first 4 weeks I was experiencing intense cravings. I was wanting things that I could not have- I managed to buckle down and power through. Now that I am no longer on all liquids or pureed, I have a chance to eat some of the normal food that I have been craving and I am trying to get most of my nutrients through food. Finally, with the transition to soft foods my cravings have disappeared. I am not sure why! I think it is because every meal is now a battle (I take a few bites and no longer want to eat) and occasionally (and sometimes inexplicably) feel bad afterwards. Eating is no longer fun for me and my body/mind is starting to notice. That was not an immediate change but has been a gradual pavlovian one.

My point is that even though you had cravings right after the surgery it could change. Also, people who have not had surgery should set their expectations correctly. I do not regret anything- pain is temporary and food does not HAVE to be fun. But, I wish that my expectations had been set correctly.

Edited January 28, 2016 by ebwinslo

[Heather I 500]

This is all good to know. Thank you.

[betrthnever 107]

22 Pounds in 12 days is nothing to sneeze at!

[Sthrncook 0]

You must give it time to work , after about a month I noticed my weight loss , and please always follow your portion rules and eat correctly and drink Water as they say to . I'm almost 13 years out , I lost 130 pounds and I have gained back 60 of that and I'm struggling to get that off now . I am resetting my pouch , and it's NOT easy ! I have also heard and experienced that losing weight gained after this surgery is harder then if you didn't have it. Always remember your pouch stretches back out , every bite over your measures amount is another bit of a stretch , and our pouches are not made of steel. Follow the rules it works , easy fix , NO not even close , you still must eat right , excersise, I will say it will give you a start to a new life , BUT , as with any weight loss or gain , one must eat correctly and it's a permanent life change you MUST commit to . Good luck to all

[Djmohr 6,965]

I am sorry to hear you are having a difficult time and I am very glad that you are meeting with a therapist.

I have always said the hardest thing about this surgery is getting your head straight before surgery. Cravings never seem to go away for me. I have had to learn how to cope with them by distracting myself and finding alternative solutions. This is 100% head hunger and everyone deals with it.

The good news is, once i began to try some of the foods I crave, I personally found I didn't care for most of them any longer. Your tastes will change.

Also yes everyone feels weak those first weeks. For me I started to feel more normal by week 4. I still was exhausted later in the day.

That started to change for me when I was able to get all my Water, Protein and Vitamins.

It will get better. Hang in there.

[shrinkingkimber 200]

This thread has some of the realest comments I've ever seen here (I'm a newbie at posting but have lurked for a long time!). Pre-op people like myself need to read this kind of stuff. I scoffed at the thought of going to a therapist pre-op but seeing the struggles has definitely opened my eyes. Like the sleeve or bypass or lap and or whatever, it's another tool that needs to be utilized and looked at seriously on this journey. Thanks for being so real and honest.

Edited January 29, 2016 by shrinkingkimber

[CHM 1,009]

Thank you for starting this thread. I'm only 5 days out and, while I lucked out on the pain end, I've definitely been struggling with the desire to eat. I too had the impression from others' posts that I wouldn't be able to stand the sight or smell of food for a while and would have to force my intake. I DID require a pre-op diet (3 months) and I did very well on it and made a ton of healthy changes, so I was expecting an easier ride.

I don't understand why everything my husband eats smells sooooo damn good (even stuff I couldn't stand before - our tastes in food are quite different), and I'm counting the minutes until I can have my next 'dose' of Protein, and the hours until I can start purees. Until I happened upon this post this evening I thought for sure that all of this meant I used up all of my luck pre-surgery and I was going to be a horrible failure. I just wasn't expecting such a struggle. Its true that no one talks about it.

[Pinkgirl1234 761]

I mourn food.I am not unusually hungry but I mourn big gulps of Water and the embrace food in a way that I love.I have also lost the love of cooking.

This is not an easy surgery and and it is not painless.My body smell has even changed.It is a big adjustment that cannot be explained .It must be experienced to fully understand it.

I have my moments of depression but I am mindful to "snap out of it"...I must lose this weight and be healthy.This is why I did this.

[acuri08 28]

I also found out yesterday that I now suffer from hypoglycemia. This has been the biggest struggle yet. I have to eat every 3 hours or I get sick, but I have no desire to eat that often. It's a double edged sword. I have had several scary episodes. I now struggle with the fact that I had no pre existing conditions before surgery, and now I had elective surgery that has cause hypoglycemia. I hope it's not a forever thing, as it goes away for some people. It's been quite a hard adjustment.

[Starfish17 2]

Thank you for starting this post acuri08.

This is a very hard journey-- at least it has been for me as well. I am 4weeks post op and the hardest part of all of this has been the mental struggle for sure. I feel like I did a lot of work on myself and eating habits before surgery, but I struggle each day -- either emotionally because despite the friends and family that are supportive I really feel alone in all of this because they don't truly understand what I am going through, physically because I feel so uncomfortable or can't get in enough Protein, Water or Vitamins. But I am really trying to focus on the fact that I had surgery to help me change my life and things will get better:)