Not sure why these comments bother me

[her1981 448]

"You know your husband is going to leave you if you lose too much weight" - really??

Or to my husband, "you better watch her, now" - huh?

"Is your husband ok with you losing so much weight?" - idk no one asked him if he was ok with me being so fat!!! Wtf?!

"You've lost so much weight I didn't even recognize you" - Lies. I still look like myself..

"Have you lost weight?? Good, keep it up." - excuse me????

"Wow, you've lost a ton of weight. Were you trying?" - um... duh!!!

Ok so I've lost almost 120 pounds and I'm still over 300 so it's not like I'm skinny...or anything remotely close to skinny, but yet I'm getting these comments. Maybe I'm being sensitive but I find these comments in poor taste. My husband and I have been together for 14 years, married for 11. Yes, this is the smallest I've been since we met, but I would hope that by now people don't think that his commitment is based solely on physical attraction. Ok, I just needed a place to vent this frustration, lol I added a picture just for reference...

Edited January 24, 2016 by her1981

[LipstickLady 25,682]

You are absolutely adorable.

Answer with a simple, "I'm sure you didn't mean to sound as rude (or offensive) as you just did." And then smile. I got all those comments, too. I truly believe most people are trying to sound supportive/complimentary and don't realize they really sound like f*ckwits. Educate them nicely.

[SalOdyssey 441]

"You know your husband is going to leave you if you lose too much weight" - really??

Or to my husband, "you better watch her, now" - huh?

"Is your husband ok with you losing so much weight?" - idk no one asked him if he was ok with me bring so fat!!! Wtf?!

"You've lost so much weight I didn't even recognize you" - Lies. I still look like myself..

"Have you lost weight?? Good, keep it up." - excuse me????

"Wow, you've lost a ton of weight. Were you trying?" - um... duh!!!

Ok so I've lost almost 120 pounds and I'm still over 300 so it's not like I'm skinny...or anything remotely close to skinny, but yet I'm getting these comments. Maybe I'm being sensitive but I find these comments in poor taste. My husband and I have been together for 14 years, married for 11. Yes, this is the smallest I've been since we met, but I would hope that by now people don't think that his commitment is based solely on physical attraction. Ok, I just needed a place to vent this frustration, lol I added a picture just for reference...

The quote about not being recognized is somewhat true. I look in the mirror now verses pictures from before I started, and I sometimes don't know who I am.

[jj7481 363]

I have family that makes irritating comments and I finally learned to do this: let it roll off like Water off a ducks back.

You cannot control what people say. You can control how you react and what gets to you. In my experience most people have good intentions. Those that don't are just trying to stifle you success and accomplishments. Control what you can: you.

[Elode 8,093]

People say stupid shit all the time. It's almost like they don't understand that not filling the air with their voice would be perfectly acceptable. Apparently they haven't heard the saying " It's Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than speak and remove all doubt." Just say a prayer for them and keep it moving.

[ocgirl15 667]

Your beautiful! Keep on venting! Most of the comments were very bad taste. I had gotten a couple myself. Sad thing negative comments seem to come from other obese people. Like "was your husband ok with you getting surgery"? My reply was "he hasn't said anything negative yet. But I didn't ask him his opinion either". I am only 5 weeks post op today and going sled riding w our kids. Why would he want the unhealthy, less active, less fun version of me back. Neither of us are missing her! This surgery was good for our marriage.

[Daisee68 2,493]

You look amazing! Great job! I'm sorry you have gotten these comments. Just ignore all those people. Laugh it off. It isn't worth giving it the brain space (or heart space) to even think about. I think people just don't know what to say. I saw someone recently who I hadn't seen in over a year (a boss from out of town who then subsequently laid me off a few weeks later) and at over 100 pounds down, I expected him to say something but NOPE. Not a word. Perhaps he thought it rude. Mostly it was like a strange elephant in the room (especially since I met him for drinks but only would order Water and not alcohol). I am not sure what I would have wanted him to say. Perhaps a "Wow you look great!" would suffice. What I also notice is that the younger men find it acceptable to say something but older men have likely been taught it is rude to say something about a women's weight. I have an interview tomorrow at a place I worked for 14 years (and then left 8 years ago). I have seen a couple of people in that space of time and even a couple of them since surgery, but not most. It will be interesting to hear what they say. I am bracing myself to just smile and say "Thanks!". One of the people had sleeve surgery a few months before my RNY. I have seen her a couple of times and unfortunately other than the first 30 pounds right off the bat, she has given up and gone back to her old lifestyle. I know seeing me will make her uncomfortable and I hate that but I can't change it. I can just be encouraging if she asks (and only if she asks how I am doing so well) and tell her what everyone here says - get back to the basics.

Keep up the great work! Enjoy the new body and new health!

[KristenVSG2014 1,872]

To the first two I say, "I'm not sure how the number on the scale changes my marriage vows..."

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,444]

Maybe I'm being sensitive but I find these comments in poor taste.

You are Mistress of Understatement and, in terms of taste and elegance, you leave that bunch of beauties.in the dust. If you'll be 35 by January, 2017, you have my vote for president.

[because 63]

Other side of the coin. I'm a divorced woman who had been contemplating surgery for years. When married my husband he refused to allow me to even think about it. A year and a half after the divorce I'm doing it for me. I think his rejection of the idea came from: if I get healthy she will leave me, if she looses weight she will have a self esteem and not allow me to step all over her, or if I keep her down she won't question me about what I'm doing... There was a major disfunction in our dynamic. While this is not true for everyone, I've noticed most people here are in the "helping" professions. People that gravitate toward these Professions tend to be caring and empathetic. Empathetic people tend to attract Sociopaths and become entangled in their webs of lies and manipulation. (Because they would never think to lie or manipulate, they don't recognize it when it is happening) Eventually this manipulation introduces fears and questions of reality that normal people would not question. "What did your husband say" sounds like something I might have said years ago. Now I don't give a Sh/7 what he thinks! That is just my take on it.

[2goldengirl 2,076]

These comments are most assuredly in very, very poor taste. I love Lipstick Lady's approach!

Sometimes I think people are so surprised at change in others they simply neglect to engage the internal edit button.

Keep on keepin' on. You are absolutely beautiful and deserve your success!

[Miss Mac 6,262]

It reminds me of the stupid stuff people say at funerals, like, "She looks so natural."

Noooooo, people. Thanks for your concern, but I think she looks dead.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

LOL @@Miss Mac .

[Djmohr 6,965]

First, you look fantastic in both pictures! The new you looks much healthier. Congratulations on your progress.

I think people have no idea what to say and tend to stumble without even realizing it. I just give them the benefit of the doubt most of the time.

I have had a couple of instances where people literally do not recognize me so I do believe that we don't always look like ourselves. One of these instances my husband was with me and the person asked him where I was. my husband looked at them all confused like really? She is right here. I guess he is used to how I look but I do think my face looks a lot different and I have nearly lost half of me. That person was shocked.

I have also had someone ask me if my weight loss was intentional and then confided they were worried I was sick with cancer or something.

This type of weight loss is drastic and so fast that I think people just don't know what to say and apparently saying nothing doesn't even cross their minds.

[her1981 448]

Y'all just made my day! I'm cracking up!