Surgery Monday. I'm about to back out!

[frankenstein 76]

Well this is my first post ever. let me just say I am married, I am the father to two young girls. I have high blood pressure, sleep apnea, starting to be diabetic and I'm getting arthritis in my knees. I have been a lurker for months now. I have been on this forum reading and looking at pictures like crazy. I have gone through all the preop lab works doctors appointments etc. etc.

Surgery is finally here I have been going back-and-forth in my head for the last two weeks. Last night I went to target to stock up on all the necessities I needed for post op and I had a major meltdown. I actually had tears in my eyes and had to put everything I was about to purchase back on the shelf and leave the store with my head doWn. I am a 43-year-old manly man, bearded biker type, and was practically in tears. Tomorrow is my clear liquid diet before surgery on Monday. I'm a complete wreck today. The permanence of the surgery, the not drinking an hour during dinner, major chewing of my food from now on (instead of just eating normal), never being able to guzzle Water, (or anything for that matter), never drinking a beer again. These things and more are whizzing violently through my head. I'm on the fence, off the fence all day long....I know this is not well written and jumbled as this is how my head is today.

I'm a wreck..... Anybody got anything?

[Calykynsmom 11]

I am not in your shoes just quite yet. But I certainly understand your fears about not being able to guzzle your drinks. That is my one fear that I can't seem to shake. I think about it daily. I think it is actually more of a habit than anything , Habits can be modified. I once had to be NPO for a week, after a day or two I no longer felt the need to drink , let alone drink the way I always had.

But with that being said please don't cancel your surgery. There are people here that are literally dying to be in your shoes. I imagine that part of why you are doing this surgery is because you love your kids and want to see them grow up. There are no do overs in this life.

Another thing that has helped me is that I have known two people that had the Gastric sleeve this past year. One had no complications. She dropped 90 pounds. She said she had no regrets. The other had massive complications. She had a leak, she spent 12 days in ICU. A month in the hospital, She had to eat with a TPN, a wound vac and had to have her bowels reconnected ( from infection). I asked her the same question , did she regret it??? And she said NO. So even with complications it was still worth it.

[Kindle 8,667]

I had a complete meltdown 2 days before my surgery, too. I had to pull over on my way to work because I was shaking and crying so hard. I had a major WTF am I doing panic attack. But I talked myself back off the ledge and thought about all the reasons I wanted WLS in the first place and all the pros and cons of going through with it. After that I was totally at peace with my decision and never gave it another thought. Over two years out and I still know it was the best thing I ever did.

BUT....if you are not totally OK with your decision and completely committed to all the changes that are required in order to be successful then by all means, do not go through with it. The physical part of the surgery is really the easy part (barring any complications), but the mental part is forever. I've read posts from folks that probably weren't ready for the surgery and rushed into it and then ended up squandering their opportunity. Still others have backed out of surgery only to go ahead with it months or years later. They just needed more time and that's OK.

Just go with what you really feel is best with no regrets one way or another. Backing out now doesn't mean you can't do it later, but once it's done there's no turning back.

[mommamissy 12]

Hi Frankenstein, sorry it's been so hard for you but think about the end result. I'm scheduled for my surgery on 2/1 and have been on my pre op diet for 5 days now. I feel like it's been torture but I just keep thinking of how I will feel after this. Everyone I know that has had the sleeve have had great results and are living pretty happy normal lives now. You said you have daughters, I'm sure you want to be healthy and be there for them. I know this is hard but try to stay strong. You can do this! We can do this:)

[Elode 8,093]

@@frankenstein Let me just say 99% of what your worried about is Bullshit. The only thing true about that is the permanent part. Honestly you can do all of that after surgery, once your healed I'd say by 6 months out you will be shocked. They tell you all of that to scare you into taking the surgery serious. I couldn't guzzle Water after surgery but today I just drank a whole 16.9 fl oz bottle of water in 3 minutes. I can eat and drink at the same time. I don't because I don't want to make the food go through my stomach faster but I can. You can defiantly drink beer. Now, you won't be able to "guzzle" beer because it's full of carbonation so that will not feel good. There's is NOTHING I can't do that I did before. You're going to find it more trying NOT to fall back into old habits. Thank god I can't eat as much!

[Miss Mac 6,262]

Among other things, you are in the middle of a "food funeral". I am two years out now, and drink all the Water I want (about 100-120 ounces a day). The only difference is that I just don't drink it all at one time. I can drink a 10 ounce bottle of Water every 15 minutes if I wanted to. I can eat anything I want, but what I want has changed. And...I don't eat enough to choke a horse, like I used to. What surprises me how little food the human body needs to survive.

Here is a link to a thread about why the rest of us followed through with our surgeries. There are now 1,260 replies.

http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/219831-what-was-your-final-straw-that-broke-the-camels-back/?hl=%20final%20%20straw

[AvaFern 3,516]

I couldn't sleep at all the night before surgery and I was super nervous. I had never had surgery at all and the idea that I was paying someone to cut out 80% of my stomach forever was terrifying. In the end it's a little like going off the high dive...you just have to keep walking and jump.

I spent the first 1-2 weeks convinced I had ruined my life and feeling miserable. I spent the next 2 months reasonably sure it might be working. It took me 18 months to hit goal and I have been at goal now for 9 months. I love my 20% of a stomach and having the surgery was something that I am very glad I did.

Good luck to you...just jump, it will be worth it in the end.

[bsanders 69]

I understand what your thinking.. The I'm gonna do it's and ah hell no's... Like you, I'm a manly man.. I served in the military and I'm deputy of 17 years and a Lieutenant to boot.. I get it!! I really do..

But I look at it like this.. I'm more scared not to. If I don't my destructive eating will get me first.. I feel this tool will give me no choice to eat and live a healthier life.. And besides that, I'm over the drinking beer phase anyways.. I have people who depend on me, so it really a no brainier for me.

You got this

[Amelie2016 116]

Well this is my first post ever. let me just say I am married, I am the father to two young girls. I have high blood pressure, sleep apnea, starting to be diabetic and I'm getting arthritis in my knees. I have been a lurker for months now. I have been on this forum reading and looking at pictures like crazy. I have gone through all the preop lab works doctors appointments etc. etc.

Surgery is finally here I have been going back-and-forth in my head for the last two weeks. Last night I went to target to stock up on all the necessities I needed for post op and I had a major meltdown. I actually had tears in my eyes and had to put everything I was about to purchase back on the shelf and leave the store with my head doWn. I am a 43-year-old manly man, bearded biker type, and was practically in tears. Tomorrow is my clear liquid diet before surgery on Monday. I'm a complete wreck today. The permanence of the surgery, the not drinking an hour during dinner, major chewing of my food from now on (instead of just eating normal), never being able to guzzle Water, (or anything for that matter), never drinking a beer again. These things and more are whizzing violently through my head. I'm on the fence, off the fence all day long....I know this is not well written and jumbled as this is how my head is today.

I'm a wreck..... Anybody got anything?

I haven not had mine yet, mine is in one week. I just want to give you a GIANT HUG and tell you that I have felt the same way.

I also want to tell you that you will be able to have a beer again. If I thought that I could never have a beer again, I would not do it. My ex husband had the RNY and after a year he could have a few beers. The best part, it hits you and you don't need much. So careful.

My heart goes out to you. I can't tell from your profile what kind of surgery you are having, and I don't know if you have a spiritual life, so I am a bit limited here. But I bet nearly 90% of patients before hand feel this way.

*HUG*

[Amelie2016 116]

Among other things, you are in the middle of a "food funeral". I am two years out now, and drink all the Water I want (about 100-120 ounces a day). The only difference is that I just don't drink it all at one time. I can drink a 10 ounce bottle of Water every 15 minutes if I wanted to. I can eat anything I want, but what I want has changed. And...I don't eat enough to choke a horse, like I used to. What surprises me how little food the human body needs to survive.

Here is a link to a thread about why the rest of us followed through with our surgeries. There are now 1,260 replies.

http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/219831-what-was-your-final-straw-that-broke-the-camels-back/?hl=%20final%20%20straw

OMG Thank you so much for linking this! I started reading it and this is what I am going to do until I finish it now! <3

[finediva 979]

@frankenstein. This past Sunday was 18 months since I had my surgery. I was terrified and completely alone on the day of my surgery. I was terrified. 18 months later I'm so happy I went through with it. I did it to try and save my life. I wish you peace as you decide to go forward with your decision. All we can do is trust and believe that we will be successful. Peace and blessings to you.

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

For me the worst part of the whole process is where you are now. That moment when you are getting ready to take a step into the unknown on faith.

There is no guarantee that you won't have complications, but my experience was great. I couldn't have asked for a better experience, recovery, or progress so far.

I am getting my life back and I am looking forward to a bright future.

It is scary but for me it has been worth it.

[Phynale 9]

Okay what I'm about to say will probably sound trite and this is a decision that only you can make after much thought, consideration, research and prayer if you are so inclined. However, it might work to show you what you really want.

Flip a coin. Heads you will have the surgery and tails you will not. Then just before you reveal which side the coin landed on, listen to your thoughts. Which side are you hoping landed face up?

I've wanted this for years but I woke up about a week ago thinking heck no, I'm not doing this elective surgery. It wasn't long before I changed my mind back.

Though I am still about a month and a half away from my surgery date so I'm sure I will have more 'what am I doing' moments.

Still I can hardly wait and it's not that I'm looking forward to no longer being able to gulp Water or even drink with my meals or gulp a diet A&W root beer.

But I am looking forward to starting in the right direction of losing weight instead of gaining it and being able to walk to the mailbox without running out of breath and being able to get in and out of the tub without worrying that I'm going to slip and fall or being able to run and play with my grandkids or being able to dance or being able to go to a store without buggies or being able to go to an event where there is a long walk from your parked car to the building and a long walk from the entrance to your seats or being able to sit in a seat that is not at the end of the aisle or being able to go to Dollywood or being able to ride a ride without worrying that my weight is going to break it down or being able to ride a horse without feeling sorry for the horse or having to put up with being around people who look down their noses at you and think they are better than you because at least they aren't that big or being able to interview for a job and not having to hope that the person interviewing you does not automatically discount you because of their preconceived notion about fat people.

Good luck Frankenstein. I hope everything works out perfectly for you.

Edited January 29, 2016 by Phynale

[FrankyG 1,450]

The day of the surgery, just after the nurse had placed the IV in my hand, I had a mini panic attack and wanted to rip the IV out and run from the hospital. I wanted to go HOME. Took about 10 minutes to talk myself off the ledge.

We have all been there in one way or another. It is scary, and the long term ramifications are hard to take in at this point.

But it is also worth it.

You will be able to eventually do all those things again. You may not want to tho, or if you do it will probably be much less often and you'll be happy about it too.

It is not the end of things you love. It is the end of things that have controlled you, made you unhealthy and held you back. It is the beginning of taking back your life, your happiness and being able to do whatever you want because you feel good and have the energy and health to do so.

Good luck, and recognize that the fears are normal, but shouldn't keep you from going forward.

[amazon 579]

Nerves are totally normal! You're life is about to change if you go through with it - that's what you want, isn't it?

I'm a year an a half out, and I can tell you my life is "normal". True, I don't drink with my meal. Whoopee But I've no issues drinking Water whenever I want otherwise. As far as beer or alcohol, you're going to get different opinions on that. I will occasionally have a drink - but one will do it. And it hits fast. But I'm not a kid any more and not out to par-tay.

I've also had to address my food issues. Had to grow up and face them some time. I guess my 50's was it!

I have my health and my life back. Wish I could have done this decades ago.

Remember, it's just a tool. The success, it's ultimately up to you. But I bet you all ready knew that Best of luck with your decision. There's always a seat for you on the losers bench :-)

Edited January 24, 2016 by amazon