Divorce

[butterfly23 423]

@@jembell01 I experienced some of what you are going through. Like others have mentioned, there are biological and emotional challenges from WLS because of the changes in hormones, the feelings coming up because we no longer use food to soothe or cope and the transformation in our bodies not to mention others' reactions to our new bodies and the WLS process as a whole. Yikes we go through a lot!!

I was overly sensitive to my husbands moods after WLS and when I was needy, got triggered a lot when he took care of himself or did not take initiative or respond to my needs - and that pushed him farther away and yet because of WLS I needed him more than ever!

Then I switched gears, focused on self-compassion (Dr. Kristin Neff, http://self-compassion.org/) It changed my life.

I started some of her practices and committed to giving myself what I kept seeking from my husband. Not saying he wasn't a jerk sometimes, but over time the most amazing thing happened. As I took better care of myself (which was always my issue and why I got so big to begin with) he stopped pulling away and distancing himself from me and gave me more of what I needed.

I am not sure if this resonates at all with you, but if it does I encourage you to find your own path to your specific healing, and by focusing on yourself and taking care of yourself either it will become clear it's worth it to stay and work on your relationship, or you need to end it.

You had the strength to have WLS, you have the strength to get through this. I am so sorry you are so sick and throwing up, that really sucks and makes me super emotional too. I hope you find relief soon. Please keep us updated!

edited to add link to Dr. Neff's site above

Edited January 23, 2016 by butterfly23

[jembell01 129]

Thank you everyone for your feedback & for the record, we weren't arguing via text.????

I clearly was having some serious hormonal mood swings. Partly due to the changes that are going on internally and mentally due to WLS, but also I am attributing it to starting my cycle the next day. Hormones surging like crazy. That documentary is super addictive and now that he's done with it, he's returned to his normal self and now that my hormones are a bit more regulated, I'm my normal "not crazy" self.

Oh how I wish these posts could be erased because it's humorous how nuts I sound at times ????????

[acherishedbear 28]

I am terribly sorry you are going through this difficulty with him! I lost my husband a little over a year ago to pancreatic cancer. I would give the world to have him back! I would really encourage you to seek counseling before you file for divorce.

Edited January 25, 2016 by acherishedbear

[wannaBthinsoon 1,634]

@@jembell01 You can look back on these posts later and laugh about how crazy you were at first. It's all good. We all lose our minds every once in a while. Glad you got it figured out!!

[Jenyp8409 200]

Your thinking about filling for divorce after three days of fighting. Don't throw in the towel just because he is not feeling the same way you are. obviously your emotion are getting you due to your unleveled hormones. What ever happen to the vows you made to him on your wedding day if you got. Did you ever think about the fact that he might be stressed out for some reason and he just wants to talk and does not know how to because he is a man. Put he's ass on a pedestal and his attitude will change. I am saying this from experience I had the same issue with my husband for weeks. But I decided to put his needs first and make him feel like the king he is to me. He eventually told me that he was afraid that I was going to leave him after I lost all my weight and find someone better than him. Marriage is hard but if you find a way to make it work than go for it don't just throw in the towel. Communication is the key to a successful marriage. Show him respect and he will show you love.