Things I Didn't Know Before Weight Loss Surgery

[scarletwitch19 302]

I'm a little over 7 months out, and 112 pounds down. I've gone down to a lower BMI class, and about 5 pants sizes. I go to the gym 3-5 times a week and work by butt off, literally. I try not to make mistakes, and when I do, I've worked hard to not beat myself up about them. But I've found some of the hardest stuff to not beat myself up about, are the things I have absolutely no control over.

I didn't know that I would be gossiped about by literally EVERYONE at work. I didn't know that they would gossip instead of openly ask me how I lost the weight. I'm apparently super naive.

I didn't know that people would comment about how great I look, and then when someone tells them how I lost the weight, they would immediately change their opinion about how I look.

I didn't know that overweight people would be the LEAST likely to support me. But it was true! Jealousy is pretty common apparently. I made the terrible mistake of telling a coworker about my surgery 3 months out when they commented on how good I look. I then proceeded to get lectured for a half hour about how dangerous it is and what a terrible decision I made.

I didn't know that even after your success is becoming OBVIOUS, people would still feel negative. I just thought once I lost a lot of weight, they woudl come around and see it was a good decision. Sorry everyone, but the answer is no. 7 months out, that horrible coworker still makes horrible comments. Today eyes were rolled and a sarcastic "yeah right" was stated when I said 'yes I go to the gym 3-5x a week'. Apparently I'm lying. And apparently it doesn't matter that I've lost a ton of weight, you should still judge me and consider it a bad decision.

I didn't know that healthy, fit, thin people would actually be VERY supportive of my decision. I guess it makes sense though. They know how important health and fitness is, and they are happy to see someone else striving to better themself. I've actually found a great support system to discuss recipes, Protein shakes, new Snacks and workout ideas! My fiance tells me all the time about some of his friends who ask about my success and comment how great I look when they see pictures. I was terrified for those people to learn about my surgery, and I'm so thankful I finally told them.

I didn't know that I would have trouble seeing my own success. But I do, ALL the time. How does someone NOT see a 100+ pound loss? How is it possible that I look in the mirror and still see the old me sometimes? Maybe I need to get my eyes checked. I never thought that would be possible. But it happens everytime I go to the gym. Doesn't matter what I wear or what I'm doing. I look and don't see the curves, or the thin legs. I don't see that I actually have a shape other than round. I see what I used to be. I feel like a jerk talking about this too. No one wants to hear 'oh I've lost over 100 pounds but I don't see it myself'. It sounds like I'm fishing for compliments, but I'm not! It makes me sad. I know I should be thrilled, I know I should see it, but it's really challenging sometimes.

I didn't know that I would be so ashamed of my loose skin. I hate seeing my own body. I avoid the mirror all the time. I'm so embarrassed. Thank God its winter so I can wear long sleeves. How am I ever going to wear shorts!? Or a swim suit. I feel like people must see the skin and think its gross. I feel like I'm waving a flag to the world, 'Hey! Look at me! I was really overweight'. I don't want to hide my past, but I don't want it to be a neon sign in someones eyes before they get to know me.

I get married this October and my dress is sleeveless. I really don't want to be stressing about my arms, but I already think about it all the time.

I didn't know that I had so many triggers that made me want to eat. I don't handle stress well, and I know that about myself. That's not new, I'm working on it. But I didn't realize how much it made me want to eat. I've been able to focus that stress and use it at the gym, and its been really successful. But its a struggle every single day. When I get really upset, I still think about wanting junk food. I don't think that struggle will ever go away.

I didn't know how lucky I was having a great support system. I've always been really independent, and don't like relying on people. This process has shown my how wrong I was to feel that way. I would never have been so successful without my amazing fiance and friends. Having people to talk to has been so important to me. Even if they can't always understand what I'm going through, it makes such a difference getting things off my chest. I look forward to the support group meetings at my Bariatric Center every month. There's something about seeing people in person going through exactly what you are going through that gives such relief. Knowing I'm not alone has been so important to me.

[James Marusek 5,244]

Congratulations on your weight loss.

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

Congratulations on your success and thank you so much for sharing with us about your journey. I appreciate it.

I am so sorry you work in an environment with so many unsupportive and toxic people but am glad your fiancée and friends are there for you.

You mention your bariatric support group and friends as being your support network which is awesome. Do you also have a therapist? I know it takes time for our view of our body image to catch up with reality, but a therapist may be able to help you reconcile that view as well as help you with strategies for dealing with negative people and the stress eating urge.

Best of luck with your upcoming wedding and marriage. I am sure you will be a beautiful bride!

[BestDayEver 418]

Yes, oh YES! What amazing observations and all true. I know exactly how you feel and thank you for stating it so beautifully. ????????????????????

[Threetimesacharm 1,400]

Long post but interesting read. I definitely suggest to STOP talking to your co-workers! It is really none of their business, as co-workers what you do that is not related to work, this includes what you eat and how much you exercise. When you talk to them about it you are opening the door for comments; both negative and positive.

[Babbs 14,681]

Great post!

I sure am glad I work from home and not in an office environment anymore. I would either get fired or arrested for assault if I heard people were talking sh*t about my personal decisions about my body.

[Valentina 2,642]

Thank you for sharing your new life with us. I really mean that.

Yes, there are and always be some negative people and experiences after weight loss surgery, but what makes that any different from pre weight loss? Some people are just negative and always will be. It's what makes them "them". Stay positive--even overly positive when around them. You have plenty to be positive about.

Speaking of your hanging skin under your arms-----

Consider them your well deserved "wings".

SO-------------------on your wedding day-----------------------

SPREAD YOUR WINGS AND FLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Valentina

Edited January 18, 2016 by Valentina

[WL WARRIOR 692]

Your observation about thin and fit people being more supportive than overweight people is correct. I've been observing it quite frequently since surgery 15 months ago.

It made me think about whether I got jealous of post ops before my surgery. Although I don't like to admit it, but I do think I had a tinge of jealousy. However, the way I acted upon it was different. I was still supportive of those that had lost weight after bariatric surgery and admired them greatly. I was just envious that they were able to get the surgery while I could not due to insurance problems..

[MIMISAN 404]

Just look at it this way@ @scarletwitch19, while your co workers are tearing you apart they are leaving someone else alone. Consider it your sacrifice for others.

You can never make everyone happy.

[bikrchk 1,313]

Great post and congratulations on your weight loss! I can echo most of your experience except the horrible co-workers. I was open about my surgery from the beginning and continue to operate openly as a WLS advocate even around new people I wouldn't HAVE to tell. Yes, I've run into a couple of folks who don't understand\agree with the tool I chose to reclaim my health, but by FAR most of the comments I got\still get are positive! I also find that life-long overweight folks are maybe a bit less supportive than my fit friends. I made a choice to permanently remove my ability to over eat in order to get control. It's not to be taken lightly and it's not for everyone, but I have ZERO regrets!

[Daisee68 2,493]

You know, I hadn't realized the part about skinny people being more supportive than not, but that explains why I have received so much support - everyone around me (even at work) is pretty thin / healthy. I have been so blessed to have incredible support from my friends and coworkers. (There is one friend that isn't but I knew she wouldn't be. She's just like that about everything medical.) Interesting observation...

I tell EVERYONE (and I mean everyone - perfect strangers - about my surgery). I guess I figure if I don't act embarrassed of it and get it out there before someone says something, then I have the upper hand? I don't know.

Like you, I don't quite grasp that I have lost over 100 pounds; however, mine is because I never really understood how heavy I was. (Crazy, I know.) So just probably the last 10 pounds or so have I realized that not only do I look different but I am actually starting to look - gasp - THIN! Concentrate on those NSV's. That is why we all did this - off the meds, better dr visits, fit in the plane seat, smaller clothes, etc. Those are the things that will help you realize the weight that is gone (said I after going to a movie today and realizing how nice it was to fit in that seat!)

I too do not like the excess skin but constantly find myself staring in the mirror trying to decide just how bad it is. Most of it is covered up - except for the turkey neck and that BOTHERS me to no end. I will have my arms done if nothing else because I have always wanted to wear sleeveless (without the requisite cami over it). I can completely understand being anxious about your wedding dress, but girl, you are getting married and from the sounds of it to a wonderful person, so I agree with @@Valentina, spread your wings and fly!

Congrats or your progress!

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

As a cowgirl, most of my friends are fit. I work for a healthy conscious company. I sent a letter to my chubby to obese family AFTER MY SURGERY asking them to leave it be unless they had something positive to say. Maybe that's why I received so little negativity and lots of support.

Sorry you are dealing with this, but good news is ,at 4 years post op, people hardly seem to remember me as the lifelong obese woman.

Keep on doing what you are doing, which is quite literally saving your life. Can you imagine people being catty about someone getting cancer treatment? How is testing movie obesity so different?

.

[Cape Crooner 589]

It's tough either way. I'm surrounded by people who don't know I had wls and they still want to ask me questions about my weight loss.

I've started giving them advice that shuts them up - I share a formula:

1. You can't eat more calories in a day than your target weight multiplied by 10.

2. You must eat more Protein than fat or carbs.

3. You must exercise 3/5 days a week for 45 minutes.

They all look dumbfounded when I tell them this, but it certainly changes the subject fast!

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Pre-op, I floated the WLS concept enough with friends and family to learn I didn't have the energy or interest in educating them and remediating all their many misunderstandings.

However, a year and a half post-op (and 100 pounds lighter, now maintaining), I agree: The healthy weight folks are far more supportive of my weight, health and lifestyle improvements than are my overweight friends and family.

The majority (although not all) of my overweight friends and family have pretty much faded into the background. And I understand how that works. I think in their shoes (pre-WLS) I'd have done exactly the same thing. Pre-op I was so embarrassed and uncomfortable being so overweight. I was also in a generally bad mood time -- not necessarily bitchy, but just not happy, not to mention physically uncomfortable or in pain.

It really, really sucks in so many ways to be morbidly obese, and one of those ways is that it really seems to be harder to feel happiness for others. I really hate admitting that. Sheesh! That's awful.