Naysayers.... How to deal

[nurse247 74]

Hi everyone! I have been getting grilled lately from my friends about getting this surgery. It is causing me major Migraines. How do you deal with it. Keeping in mind my friends are the people I work with on a daily basis.

[LF1971 7]

Hi everyone! I have been getting grilled lately from my friends about getting this surgery. It is causing me major Migraines. How do you deal with it. Keeping in mind my friends are the people I work with on a daily basis.

I have had folks question my sanity in doing this so they start with all the negatives and drawbacks. If that doesn't work then they start with how this didn't work for other folks they know....yada yada and so on! My strategy is just to let them talk...obviously they have some feelings they need to get out so I let them and continue on with my plans. I choose not to let that bother me. People mean well generally but I just don't waste my energy fighting opinions that really have no bearing on my decision or my path. My advice...listen and ignore. This decision is YOUR choice alone and at the end of the day you are the one that has to live with it so while we treasure our friends and family's good counsel we don't have to take it or be bothered by it. Best of luck to you on your journey.

[Djmohr 6,965]

I have learned a lot about this over the last 2 years. I chose to limit who I told until after my surgery. I had a 9 month process before surgery was scheduled. Once I knew my surgery was going to happen, I shared it with more people.

What I learned most is my real friends did not "grill" me, they supported me.

Those that "grilled" me or shared horror stories with me ended up no longer wanting to hang out. They slowly stopped coming around or made excuses for why they did not want to get together. These were mostly people I had worked with for many years.

[elizabeth105 44]

LF1971 wrote exactly what I was going to say! And honestly, I've decided my path, it isn't worth fighting an uninformed person about it. I ignore and remove myself from the conversation. I know it will be hard to do that with friends/co-workers. Somehow my sister found out and decided I needed to hear that a low carb lifestyle is better and there are people out there losing hundreds of pounds without surgery.. I let her ramble for a few minutes and told her I've already made my decision, and it's a personal one. You deserve to make our own decision and feel good about yourself. Good luck on your journey!

[Learningtolive 109]

I've had so many naysayers, it was frustrating. They would say, "OK you lost all of this weight before surgery, so now you can cancel it." What?! I hate that. I just choose to ignore that. I haven't told most of my friends, or family. My husband knows and my mom, some friends like 4, ones I know won't say anything. My dad is Mr. Negative about everything so I just know telling him would do more damage than good. When I got pregnant I was "Making a mistake" according to him. I was 26 and yeah it was an oops baby but definitely not a mistake. I'm not publishing my surgery anywhere like Facebook, etc. If after the surgery my in-laws ask where I've been or why I can't go to functions at the time, I'm going to say gallbladder surgery. (read that on here somewhere). It's really no one's business but my own. If people want to be negative, fine. I've talked with several ppl who have had this surgery and say it was the best decision of their life. I'm ready to make that decision as well.

[Soexcited 64]

This is exactly why I tell nobody except my husband. Ive heard too many horror stories!

[nurse247 74]

I am beginning to see that I shouldn't have told anyone.

[jj7481 363]

Tell those closest to you. Only my closest family knows and a couple of close co-workers. If they begin to question/grill you....shut down the conversation. Don't engage in the negativity and let it be known it's not up for debate/discussion.

People may THINK they know then why or how of others, but they don't. You know why you made the decision. If they are making things uncomfortable address it or shut down any negative dialogue.

[brindall 17]

I anticipated the naysayers and right now only my parents and my daughter know. I will tell my closest friend shortly, surgery is only 1 1/2 weeks away. My question is, why do you all think people are so negative about this surgery? People get elective surgery all the time for all types of reasons! I even had a doctor, the cardiologist I was referred to to clear me for surgery, question my decision. He said, "Do you really think this will help your diabetes?" and "This is major surgery you know" It wasn't said in a supportive tone. So why are people so negative about this particular surgery and does educating them help at all or not really worth the time?

[GBLady41 393]

I think people are scared of what they don't know. But instead of simply asking questions about the surgery, they just try to scare the person into not doing it. To me, there's a fine line between concern and disrespect. I think that when the person says that having bypass is their decision, concerned people should back off, not continue to 'grill' the person, because to me, that's disrespect.

[gpmed 623]

I set really firm boundaries from the beginning. First, I limited the number of people I told. I started with my best friend, my dad and my boss, who I could expect to respond appropriately and be supportive. I was worried about the reaction I would get from my mom and sister, so I asked my dad to tell them and convey that I'd accept no inappropriate or negative comments of any kind. Concerned questions were ok. My boss told and primed the other people on my team I work closely with. The only person I got negativity from was my sister, but I shut that down really fast. So for me it worked to keep the circle small and put out the vibe I wouldn't accept any bullshit.

[Pinkgirl1234 761]

Hi everyone! I have been getting grilled lately from my friends about getting this surgery. It is causing me major Migraines. How do you deal with it. Keeping in mind my friends are the people I work with on a daily basis.

This is why I kept my mouth shut.You need to shut all this chatter down.

End of story.Everyone needs to mind their own business.

[cat.jackson89 206]

I have a lot of people currently telling me I am "too small" for a gastric bypass, and "why don't I just go to the gym?" I'm sure they mean well, but they really don't know what I'm going through in order for several physicians and surgeons to sign off on me being able to get the surgery, so I let them say what they feel they need to say- and I don't let it affect me. At the end of the day, it's YOUR LIFE, your decision, and your recovery!

[Pinkgirl1234 761]

This is why the more people you tell ...the more opinions you open yourself to.Shut down the naysayers.Not up for discussion.

[Sumaire 75]

My daughter's been negative about it, and isn't happy at all that I've chosen this tool to help me on the road to being a healthier person. She's concerned about the anesthesia end of things, from what I've been able to glean.

I've been under general anesthesia four times now, and two times in twilight sleep, so I know that going under isn't an issue for me. Going to have two more experiences with twilight sleep over the next two weeks with the upper and lower GIs I have to get to clear that pre-surgery hurdle.

As for others, most of the people I know do NOT know about my plans, and I've decided it's none of their business, anyway.