The Maintenance Struggle is Real- An Out Loud Pep-Talk to Myself

[enjoythetime 1,457]

Ok, so straight off I'm going to say this is a selfish post, a pep-talk out loud for ME. In doing so, I'm not looking for sprinkle and rainbow compliments I'm doing this as a way for me to get back on track, you know it becomes real when you put it out there:-)

Most of you know my story but for those that don't I've been banded for 2 years and 8 months. I started this journey weighing 289lbs. Within 16 months I had lost 159lbs., surpassing my goal by 20lbs. I went from a size 22 in pants to a size 2/3 and size 3XL shirts to size small. My life is dramatically different then it was 3 years ago in every aspect.

When my weight hit 130lbs. I told myself I needed to identify a range to stay within and when I hit the max of that range it was time to get serious and get back on track, I decided 135lbs. was that max # for me. Last year about this time I started stressing because my weight began flexing 3-5lbs., which was within the range I set for myself but once I was there I freaked out, I didn't like it. I would hit the max, go back to basics the scale would go down, then I would get excited and say well now I can have this, this and this and not go over my max, the problem was when I would go down it was 2-3 lbs., never back to that 130 mark, I hovered in the middle, over the course of 4 months I gave up, I started excepting the fact that 130 was history and 134 was my new norm and that it was ok, deal with it, be happy with it, telling myself 3 years ago you would have been thrilled to be at 134, what's your problem. I finally convinced myself and a new weight range was set and my new max # became137. I stayed within this range for 8 months, doing the same thing as before up and down, treat, basics etc. Then a month ago it was vacation time, followed the next week by Christmas and then New Years and today I'm now flexing 7-9lbs. and guess what, I'M FREAKED THE HELL OUT!!!! My worry isn't about the 9lbs, it's about losing control and this developing into something more and ending up where I started at 289lbs, miserable, letting myself and those who believe in me down. I've turned this into a pattern of excuses, passes and acceptance until I keep lowering my standards to except where I am because it's easier because if I don't accept it I have to face the fact I may never be 130 again followed by the justification of remember 3 years you were XXX well if I keep going I will be XXX and I CAN NOT LET and WILL NOT let that happen!

I'm now setting here with tears in my eyes thinking how ridiculous this all is. I know the band works and I know how to work the band. I know what I want but I'm not pushing myself to get there.

I'm done feeling sorry for myself!!!! I've worked entirely too hard to look back now. I know I have what it takes to stay focused to make the right choices to get my ass up and start exercising (which I will confess I haven't done at all during this journey), drink 80oz of Water, Protein first, veggies, then a carb if I have room, to STOP eating when I'm satisfied instead of caving into that craving when I'm not really hungry. I know I have what it takes because I have the band and the stubbornness to back it up:-)

I feel like some reading this will be like is this girl for real, she wrote an entire book over 9lbs. but it TRULY isn't about that, I know that if I work the band the band will work for me I just have to start believing in myself, believe I have it in me and that if I want those lbs. gone then I don't have to settle for less because I'm "stuck" but to keep pushing and not let food or weight or worry stop me.

Thank you all for listening!

[Heather I 500]

I get what you are saying totally. It's not 9 lbs . . . it's the slippery slope of falling back into bad behaviors and going back to 289.

Get 'er done!

[Julie norton 2,850]

You sound like you have a good handle on this. You can do this .

We are here to listen when it gets frustrating.....and it does at times!

????

[angelf13 7]

Wauuu,I just lost so far 101 lbs in 15 months in the last 3 months so far lost 7 lbs very slow,compare to the past and I'm getting nervous too..

[B-52 7,113]

My band is the same today as it was yesterday, as it was years ago....nothing has changed, nothing to change...

I have adapted a new lifestyle of what foods to eat, when to eat, and how much, mostly because it was the only way to get along with the band, and not fight it resulting in stuck episodes, etc. The band is the Boss, is in charge...not simply a tool.

Holidays, going out to dinner, vacations, party's, are all just another day..band's restriction is not going to let me overeat, I just have to be mindful when I do eat, I eat as healthy as I can choose....same as my non surgical friends...they have a healthy mindset and did not need surgery to put them there. I did, but so what. No one needs to know.

Water, Protein and exercise are also part of my daily routine. have become a habit...

I weight myself sometimes twice a day, and I have accepted a normal 5 pound negative and positive swing, or 10 lbs total.

Just the way it is, no explanation needed.

It really has become the "New Normal", that will not change for the rest of my life, providing the band does not change.