Discussing it with the spouse

[Anilyn 22]

I'm sure this has been asked a thousand times (if not more). I've done a search and didn't find it though, so here I am.

For the most part, my husband is on board. He wants me to be healthy. However, his main concern is that I will go through with all of this and then regain the weight anyway.

I'm not really sure how to address the concern, because he's right - it could happen. Any ideas on how to alleviate his concerns?

I have regained weight in the past. And I do make unhealthy decisions now. I get why he's thinking this, but I also don't want to be seen as the sum of my past failures.

[mykdzmom 387]

There is also that same chance that you will NOT gain the weight back and for me that was hope and reason enough.

I can't speak for long time success, I will leave that to the veterans. I was just reading a post today from some 3 year veterans. ????

I can speak to the fact that living with a restriction tool has already changed my life in the best of ways. I am experiencing great results not only in weight loss but the way I feel about myself. Feeling proud of my choices instead of guilty is so empowering. Not being hungry all of the time has allowed my to think about the reasons I was eating so much in the past.

Do what you feel is best for you. You really don't have to convince him, just believe it for yourself. Good luck on your journey.

[jj7481 363]

There is always the concern the surgery will have complications, you might gain the weight back, etc. The question is: How much do YOU want it? If you are determined you want to be healthy and lose weight then you'll be successful. If you're hesitant and still going back and forth about surgery...now probably isn't the time to make the plunge.

[Miss Mac 6,262]

Bariatric surgery changes so many other things besides the size of your stomach. It will change your health and your attitude towards what is food and what isn't. For some, it changes relationships as people you thought you knew begin to voice their unwanted opinions about how they value their interaction with you. Here is my favorite thread of all, with 1,234 responses as of today. We share what it was that finally convinced us to take the plunge and hope for the best.

http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/219831-what-was-your-final-straw-that-broke-the-camels-back/page-124#entry4047240

[Anilyn 22]

I'm not going back and forth at all. I look forward to being healthy. I'm excited.

[Anilyn 22]

Thanks everyone.

[James Marusek 5,244]

I am 32 months post-op RNY. This is my approach to the "Maintenance" phase. http://www.breadandbutterscience.com/Surgery2.pdf

[jj7481 363]

I'm not going back and forth at all. I look forward to being healthy. I'm excited.

Focus on that excitement and positivity. Stay committed and best of luck!

[IrishGermanRN 151]

My family has been saying the last few years why dont I have my band removed. I talked to my husband about finally doing this and he said., "sure it didnt work anyway" I didnt discuss gastric sleeve. That is next. I think he was tired of me PB and slime and not being able to eat a regular meal like the rest. Being out at a restaruant and needing to leave to the restroom got old. Having to pull over because my food wouldnt go down to slime.

I'm hoping the sleeve is not the same way and he is supportive.

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,444]

@@Anilyn -- It seems to me that what you began with here is what you should be saying to your husband. What strikes me in particular is that he's on board for the most part and that you don't want to be seen as your history. You need him to have faith in you so that he can cheerfully support you along the way. You need the same faith in yourself. Yes, it's possible to regain weight lost after surgery. All things are possible, nothing is guaranteed. In the case of surgery, it's up to each of us to eliminate the probability.

You might also invite your husband to attend some support group meetings with you. Some time ago a woman I met in the lapband group brought her husband a few times. She had his whole-hearted support. What he didn't quite get but wanted to understand was the emotional part of her particular journey. He was terrific. He'd introduce himself with the addendum, "I'm the hus-bander."

[Anilyn 22]

I'm learning that we need to talk about it in bits at a time. He doesn't process things very quickly. Since posting, he said at this point, he wants to know how to support me. I will involve him when/if I can. All of the appointments are 2.5 hours away, so it's hard without having him take time off work. And we don't have support groups here. I don't think anyway. I'm going to ask at the clinic.

[CowgirlJane 14,260]

Regain is always a possibility. However, not doing something is about 100percent chance of remaining obese and all the consequences.

I revised from band to sleeve 4 years ago, lost half my body weight, and remain at goal. It isn't easy, but it's possible.

[Anilyn 22]

Good point. I feel like I've learned so much from my part attempts that I can be successful with the help of wls.

[Kathy Coop 193]

My husband and I started the process of the exact same time he chickened out last minute. I am 155 pounds while he is stuck in the 300's. I married a fat man, I love his fluff. If he is happy fat so be it... I know he hates it though