Feeling lost

[XxStephYxX 46]

I feel so lost and empty again, I started my first diet class just getting on to the road where i should be going , but i hit a wall went to the Dr and she found a lump in my breast . I am so scared its like a punch in the face . I had gave up on my self when my leg gave out and just couldn't work any more and gained soooo much weight it has been 8 years since i felt like a person who belonged some where. I had turned to food all my life i been heavy and food been there for me when i have no one to talk to no one who could relate, food has always been my best friend, Today I turned to my best friend food i went bought 2 liter of mt dew my favorite pop and went to burger king bought 2 chicken sandwiches and a med fry and that wasnt enough stopped at the gas station and seen all this candy in front of me bought 2 king size candy bars and went home and ate it all not at once but most of it in one shot but its all gone now. I feel so guilty and lost and hurt and scared that this is going to stop my process it is so hard for me right now im lost do not know what to do. P.s sorry if this in wrong area

Edited January 10, 2016 by XxStephYxX

[Pinkgirl1234 761]

Stop the self loathing .You are strong and on the right track to at least knowing you have to change and need help.So you "pigged out" and you feel crappy and full of guilt.Remember this feeling and move on.See your doctor and get the Mamogram and take care of that medical issue.It may not be anything...I had metatastic breast cancer 3 years ago...I am still going forward....go through the process and keep the faith.

[jj7481 363]

You've got to find your inner strength. Just to clarify have you already had bariatric surgery?

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

I am so sorry you are feeling like this.

It must be scary for you to find a lump in your breast but aren't you glad it has been found so it can be tested and treated if need be?

You are at the beginning of this journey and will be undergoing a whole barrage of medical tests. If you haven't been to the doctor for a while and/or have been ignoring your health it is entirely possible that they will find other things that you need to address.

You can't fix something if you don't know about it.

I found for me, it was important to approach this process from a place of fearless honesty about myself, my healthy, and my obesity. Is it uncomfortable? Yes, absolutely. But, if I want to be healthy and get my life back its absolutely vital.

It sounds like you use food to numb your feelings. Most of us do or did to various extents. This process is about learning healthy ways to handle stress, uncertainty, and other uncomfortable feelings. Numbing them with food is what is killing us.

Since you have been to your first class, have you found a counselor or therapist already? Is there one on staff at your bariatric program?

I would suggest you consider talking to a counselor or therapist. You may also want to attend a bariatric support group and/or a twelve-step recovery group like Overeater's Anonymous (OA.org).

In the meantime, why not pour the pop down the drain and throw away the junk food? Eating junk won't solve your problem and won't help you feel better in the long run.

Keep us posted on how you are doing.

[Djmohr 6,965]

I am very sorry that this is happening to you. There are a couple things to remember, not every lump is breast cancer.

Over the years I have had many and they can be very scary. I learned after the first one not to panic and make myself sick.

Second if it turns out to be cancer, it is better you find it now and deal with it. Having Bariatric surgery is already risky enough. You want as clean a bill of health as you can get going into WLS.

In terms of bingeing. You now recognize one of the major behaviors that you have to stop. Clearly you feel worse now than you did before you ate all that junk. We all have days that make us want to run to Burger King or the gas station. Sometimes it happens but you have to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start fresh today.

I hope that this turns out to be nothing and you can move forward. Hopefully you will get the test done soon so it will give you the info you need to move forward.

Good luck, we are all here for you if you need help.

[James Marusek 5,244]

Years ago I developed a large lump in by breast. It was benign. But men also do develop lumps in their breast and sometimes get breast cancer. Note that many forms of cancer need sugar. The cells feed off sugar. So try and reduce your sugar intake now. More than weight loss is at stake here.

[jandbmom 16]

You have a lot going on, so the fear and frustration are understandable. I cannot tell from your post where you are on your journey. I know I had to go to a psychologist prior to surgery to ensure I was mentally prepared for the surgery. Many of the people in my support group that are much further out than I am have said they have been back to see the psychologist which is helpful. The nutritionist told me that they are underutilized by the WLS population. It may be to your benefit to revisit the psychologist, or if you haven't seen one yet find one to talk with. Talk with your surgeon or PMD to get a referral if you do not have one yet. I wish you the best of luck!

[XxStephYxX 46]

thank you all for the comments and advice i lost myself that day was very depressed i am going to start going to support groups this is the only change to my life back and i know i can do it thanks again all i will keep yall updated