Question for those who've chosen not to share their WLS

[CHM 1,009]

I'm currently awaiting insurance approval for what should be a February surgery, and no one but my husband knows. At first I figured I'd share with friends and family as the surgery got closer, but as time passes I'm just not sure that I want to. I may still change my mind, but if I don't, I'd like to know how others who've chosen to keep their surgery to themselves have managed to explain the weight loss and minimal appetite.

My husband has a big family that typically has large, food-centric gatherings weekly, and they're not shy about asking questions or pointing things out. Now I did have to do a 3 month weight loss plan for insurance, so they know I've been 'dieting', and are used to seeing me forgo the fried chicken in favor of a pile of green Beans and leftover turkey breast. Although I've lost a lot of weight so far, I was big enough when starting that its not really noticeable to those who aren't looking for it - no one who didn't already know about my diet has commented on my loss. I imagine that will change after surgery when weight will come off even faster. In addition, I know I will only be able to eat tiny amounts of food for a while, and that will definitely be noticed. I am the polite, shy, pushover type, so telling people to mind their own business or putting them in their place would not exactly come natural to me. Any suggestions?

[Pinkgirl1234 761]

Keep it between you and your husband....

[NovaL 41]

I kept mine between my mum, best friend and aunty. None if my siblings are aware and as I'm still pre-op and on my diet I think some have noticed I'm not eating as much as I usually do but it may have gone overlooked. My excuse for future reference if there rare any questions are simply to mention drastic changes and you'll most likely be fine because you have been dieting which is clearly noticeable and those changes make a big difference.

[WannabeH 114]

I've told my husband, son and parents. I usually wear my heart on my sleeve and want to naturally share things with people, but I just find people overly judgemental and I can't deal with that right now.

I have 3 more days to my op!!! May when I further along this journey my attitude will change.

[mykdzmom 387]

Two months before my WLS I started bringing my own lunch to work and making visible changes. When asked to go to lunch I always declined and advised I was bringing my lunch and trying to eat healthy. I even used Protein Drinks for Breakfast and lunch at work during that time.

By the time my surgery rolled around the necessary changes were already in place. During office parties for Bay with cake I just got a piece like everyone else, pushed it around on my plate and dumped it in the trash without eating it.

I found that no one was really watching me at all. Also sad as it may seem, I was able to wear the same clothes during the time I lost my first 50 pounds and most people will not notice until you are down 40+ pounds.

To this day I don't mention my weight loss numbers. Period. When co workers finally noticed my loss, I said yes, I have lost a few pounds. They really didn't think much about it because by that time they had seen me bringing my lunch and drinking shakes for 3 months.

It has gone really well. For me showing changes in lifestyle and saying very little has worked very well.

[jj7481 363]

I made a point not to tell anyone at work and kept it to my family only. No one at work needs to know your medical concerns unless you want them to. Just recently I have started admitting to having bariatric surgery to co-workers but not everyone. The rest I just tell them I'm on a very restrictive diet and high Protein. lol

[CHM 1,009]

Thank you for the replies everyone. I'm fortunate that I don't have to deal with coworkers right now. I won't be working until spring, and then when I do start a job no one will have known my habits before to notice the difference. What they see will just be how I am in their eyes. I also don't have to deal with my own family - they live 2400 miles away. My mother knows I've been dieting since September, so by the time I see them this October it will have been long enough that my weight loss will be passable. Eating so little will be easy to pass off on that trip as well - I often get motion sickness, and its not uncommon for me to not feel well for a few days after such a long drive, so they're already used to that. So no worries in either of those departments.

Its just the hubby's family I have to deal with. Its funny, just last night I was thinking of something along mykdzmom's line. I was thinking I should start trying to eat my meals before our get togethers so that they get used to seeing me not eat. When they ask I'll just explain that I ate already and am full, and that way (hopefully) by the time I'm post-surgery and would have to lie about it, it will be old hat and no one will be asking anymore. Then I just have to deal with our occasional family restaurant outings, but I'm sure I can get through those - they're typically more focused on the conversation at restaurants and less likely to notice idiosyncrasies.

As for the weight loss, unfortunately I have been sharing numbers. When I hit the 25lb mark in October I was so proud and told everyone. Now several people ask every time they see me. At 50lbs loss it started to feel awkward, and now at almost 80 lbs I'm flat out uncomfortable. I've decided that from now on when asked by anyone aside from other bariatric patients, I'm just going to say "I don't think I'm going to share that anymore. Its making me too focused on what I'm losing and not as focused as I need to be on HOW I'm losing it." This is entirely true anyway. I was getting overly occupied with maintaining a steady decline (until I hit my first stall over Christmas and decided to just let it go), because I knew someone was going to ask eventually, and if the number wasn't smaller it would be met with a disappointed "Oh..." and I would feel like crap. I don't want to feel like crap. I want to be proud of what I've achieved so far and not have to worry about outdoing myself. Anyway, I'm sure that by not sharing my weight anymore the loss won't be as obvious, since everyone sees me weekly anyway. Its not like we only get together on birthdays and holidays where there can be months in between making weight loss very noticeable.

Down the road as I feel more comfortable and strong in my ability to educate on gastric bypass (so I can effectively field questions and correct misinformation), its entirely likely that I'll end up sharing. But until then, I think I'm happy with this plan. Thanks for helping me work it out guys! <3

[fat_free 463]

@

I've told no one at the office nor most of my friends. My best friend, husband and kids are the only ones that are aware of my WLS. When asked how much I've lost, I just say .... Lots. Most are respectful and do not push. They see me out for walks or going to the gym at lunch. When it comes to events and food I just say I am watching what I eat and limit carbs, sugar and fats. This has worked at work, family gatherings and social events all around.

90lbs down and WLS has not come up.

[Anilyn 22]

I initially planned to tell my husband, mom, and sister. Then I was having second thoughts so I toyed with the idea of waiting until after surgery to tell my mom and sister.

But there have been a couple of conversations since and I hated being evasive so I shared.

I won't be telling coworkers and possibly the only other family member will be my brother.

This is a big deal. It's up to you and your comfort zone.

[CHM 1,009]

I settle one thing and another dilemma ensues! Lol

I just retrieved my mail and found an approval letter from my insurance company! A happy dance ensued, followed immediately by a call to my surgeon's office to inquire about a surgery date. The earliest they can get me in is January 25th, and the next earliest is February 24th (the PA who does pre-op is on vacation the last week of Jan and first week of Feb, and my surgeon is on vacation the 2 weeks after that).

I was super excited to hear about such an early opening (only 2 weeks!), as I am beyond ready for this. The con is that taking the January date would end the debate as to whether to share the surgery with family. We built a new home recently and are currently staying with my husband's parents while waiting for contractors to make it liveable, and barring a miracle of miracles we won't be in our own home by the 25th. This means I would need to flat out lie about what surgery I had if I want to keep it to myself, since there will be no way to hide the 2 day hospital stay and recovery from my in-laws. On the plus side, the surgery would be done, and I wouldn't be torn over hiding something from the family that I love. Plus I'd have my mother-in-law, who is an amazingly loving and supportive person - I would have told her long ago if I could trust her to keep it to herself (she can be quite the gossip).

The late February date is when I was expecting surgery in the first place. The pros here are that we'd have time to pay the deductible without having to partially use a credit card (not that we can't just pay the card off a month later with the January date), I'd be able to help the hubby lay the flooring in the new house (though one of his friends or cousins can fill in for me if needed), and, of course, as we should be in our house by then, I could still keep the surgery to myself (assuming there are no more delays - we WERE supposed to be in by Christmas, so no guarantees). The cons here are that surgery will be a month later than it has to be (though I go back and forth on whether or not that matters), and I'll still feel funny about keeping the whole thing from the family.

My husband will be home late tonight, so I'll discuss it with him then, but in the meantime I'm burning with excitement! Which date would you take?

[CHM 1,009]

I seem to do a lot of long posts. Sorry guys.

[Pinkgirl1234 761]

Are you ready?Its on now!:-)

[CHM 1,009]

Lol. Yes it is! Hubby just got home and I was jumping up and down as I was telling him everything, As soon as he heard the two dates he interrupted me and said "Take the earlier one. Look at you, you're ready, and you're going to go insane waiting a month longer than you have to!" He pointed out that it isn't my plan to hide my surgery forever, so the family will find out at some point. He suggested we just tell his mom for now, ask her not to say anything, and if it leaks out, it leaks out.

He's right. As usual (its kind of annoying really).

So tomorrow I will call the office and tell them I'd like the January 25th date!

[mykdzmom 387]

So excited for you! Congratulations ????

[CHM 1,009]

Thanks! I don't know how I'm going to sleep tonight...