Why does people treat you different?

[Daniel Fonseca 0]

Hey guys,

Tomorrow I will be 8 weeks post-op. But first a little bit about me. I've been fat since always, it never had really bothered me (or at least i thought so), but about a year ago i've had an overdosis of hallucinogens and my healt started to got really fucked up. I've went of no medication to 15 pills a day (pain, heart insufiency, blood presure, mood controlers, appetite reducers, etc.). My cardiologist said that if i didn`t change my habits I would probabily die in one or two years. That made me open my eyes to my self-destructive behavior. I`ve been clean of hard drugs now for about 13 months. No alcohol for the last 8 months. Now, I only smoke some weed (both my cardiologist and my surgeon knows about it. They say if it is done in moderation and if help me not to do other drugs, and as weed can help with my heart condition, I could smoke it).

But it`s really important to say that is ABSOLUTELY PROHIBITED to smoke till 30 days after surgery.

I`ve always loved food. But at my 21st birthday (march 2015) I had a wake up call. I've baked two birthday cakes, and ate 2/3 of then by myself. After that I couldn`t fit in my giant clothes (i`m not from US, so I dont know what's the measure of then in there, but the internet says that my t-shirts were XLLLL and my pant were size 50). I couldn`t even walk to the supermarket (200 feet from my house) without having leg pain and lack of breath).

Then, I've decided to have surgery. Now i'm 8 weeks post-op and my life has changed a lot since. I'm out of all medications (except the post-op). I'm doing really great (i'll make a post later to tell you guys my post-op recovery). But, because i've got really sick in all this year (2015) I have been home for all this last year. Have not seen the majority of my friends for the past 8 months. But the ones that i`ve seen, even my family, noticeable, have been treating me different. The jokes and the fake smiles had stopped. Girls that would'n even talk to me "sudenlly" just love to hang out with me.

This is just driving me crazy. How am I supposed to deal with that? They say that it`s me that have changed. But honestly, I`m the same person. I don`t know how to deal with that. In the next couple weeks I`ll get back to college, so I guess that it will happen a lot more. Did any of you guys have felt this? If so, how did you dealt with that? This is just driving me crazy!

Thank you all!

P.S: English it's not my first language, so I'm sorry about my grammar. Hope that you guys can make any sense of what i have written.

[otillie03103 123]

I have noticed this too. People are more friendly, guys hold doors for me now and look me in the face and smile at me when they never used to. It does make me feel like all they care about is my weight/looks rather then the person on the inside. My therapist made a good point though the other day, that physical attractiveness plays a huge role in how you feel about someone, it does for everyone and we can't be upset at others for feeling the same way we do when we look at someone. It is hard to deal with though. I want to scream sometimes and say why am I suddenly worthy of your time now, but it is what it is and I just need to move past it.

[Kathy Coop 193]

Bitches who would not give me a single glance before want to be my bestie and guys want to bang me. Just remember if you got fat tomorrow they would be gone. They are a fad. Stick with the people who loved you when you were a fatty and make friends with people who love you not your body. It feels great to be wanted. Just take care of who you give your precious time to. You need to surround yourself with people who don't want something from you. It's tough to go from invisible to popular. Some people can't handle it.

[HopeandAgony 566]

To the OP: You insist in your post that your the same person but in all actuality you aren't. You've stopped the drugs and drinking. You don't know in all honesty what kind of person you were in that time frame. You were literally out of your own mind most of the time.

The fact that people like you now and are expressing it shouldn't make you uncomfortable. It should make you realize even more so that you changed yourself for the better. I don't mean to be harsh, just trying to open your eyes. Go with it. Stay strong, be proud of your accomplishments, and realize all this extra attention is because you are now someone people want to be with. The real you is coming out. You aren't clouded and out of your mind anymore. It's a good thing. Welcome it. Use it to stay the course and never go back. Good things are yet to come.

Edited January 6, 2016 by HopeandAgony

[Daniel Fonseca 0]

I have noticed this too. People are more friendly, guys hold doors for me now and look me in the face and smile at me when they never used to. It does make me feel like all they care about is my weight/looks rather then the person on the inside. My therapist made a good point though the other day, that physical attractiveness plays a huge role in how you feel about someone, it does for everyone and we can't be upset at others for feeling the same way we do when we look at someone. It is hard to deal with though. I want to scream sometimes and say why am I suddenly worthy of your time now, but it is what it is and I just need to move past it.

Your therapist has a really good point. But, that doesn't make easyer to deal with this kind of change. As people "suddenly" starts to treat you diferently it`s hard to trust them. Physical attractiveness does play a huge role in our society, though when you`ve been in both sides it`s very hard. At least it has been hard for me. It`s easy to spot those fake smiles miles away. How have you been dealing with it? Honestly, as opposed of what is common (people get more social after WLS) I just can`t stand people and their fake smiles.

Bitches who would not give me a single glance before want to be my bestie and guys want to bang me. Just remember if you got fat tomorrow they would be gone. They are a fad. Stick with the people who loved you when you were a fatty and make friends with people who love you not your body. It feels great to be wanted. Just take care of who you give your precious time to. You need to surround yourself with people who don't want something from you. It's tough to go from invisible to popular. Some people can't handle it.

It`s really hard. I`ve never liked to get to know people just because their appearence. That`s, for me, it`s a moral flaw. And, my character is more valuable then a pussy. It`s been hard for me because even people that I thought treat me normally changed how they treat me. Indeed feels good to be wanted, but that`s all fake. Maybe that`s how it`s. I really hope that I don`t change myself to one of those people that care more about looks then about personality. How do you act around these people?

To the OP: You insist in your post that your the same person but in all actuality you aren't. You've stopped the drugs and drinking. You don't know in all honesty what kind of person you were in that time frame. You were literally out of your own mind most of the time.

The fact that people like you now and are expressing it shouldn't make you uncomfortable. It should make you realize even more so that you changed yourself for the better. I don't mean to be harsh, just trying to open your eyes. Go with it. Stay strong, be proud of your accomplishments, and realize all this extra attention is because you are now someone people want to be with. The real you is coming out. You aren't clouded and out of your mind anymore. It's a good thing. Welcome it. Use it to stay the course and never go back. Good things are yet to come.

You have a really good point. You`ve made me stop and think if i`m, honestly, if I really am the same. And I really can`t say that I am. Cause I can`t even remember everything that I used to do (I can remember, only, the first hours of some nights).

I think that it makes me feel unconfortable because I`ve always had the opposite kind of reaction. I`m just not used to it. I just don`t know how to react. You weren`t harsh. You`ve made me think. And you`re probabily right. I just need to learn how to deal with people being nice to me.

[psvzum 81]

I want to give you a hug, and congratulate you on everything you've overcome. When I gained weight I became invisible to people. I remember making a sales call with a colleague. I was asking my customer questions and when he responded he was looking at my colleague. It happened in other situations as well. I was ashamed of how I looked. But, I was also BULLSHIT at the ignorant lumuxes who treated me so differently after gaining weight.

On the other hand, I recall having lost alot of weight when I was younger. I was thin and liked the attention I got. I would look at obese people with disdain and think, why don't they just lose weight? Especially when I'd see them filling their faces with "bad" foods. I also used to look at gastric bypass as the easy way out.

I was an ignorant lumux.

People do treat you differently when you're heavy. It makes some people uncomfortable because you're outwardly different.