To tell or not to tell? WLS

[Jessica Singleton 9]

I'm telling people, when I received insurance approval I even posted on Facebook "Insurance approval for weight loss surgery has arrived! Yippee! Starting to schedule pre-op testing. Btw: anyone with a snarky comment about surgery being the easy way out will fall victim to my evil death ray..." Mostly possitive responses. I have one cousin who is a nurse and expressed concerns and reminders about the importance of post op care. She was respectful, just worried.

I work at a nursing home so my coworkers have seen what a lifetime of obesity will do to the human body. I'm gay and my coming out experience built up a tough skin. Compared to that, this is a walk in the park!

[bb8 4]

I think the answer is different for everyone! What's right for one may not be right for another. I decided to stay quiet about it. Only my husband and one of my best friends (who lives across the country) knows. I'm a private person to begin with, and I don't like much attention, so I knew I didn't want to share this with many people. I may share with other close friends in time, but not yet.

Although two in my family have had WLS, and several family friends have had WLS, my family members are notorious gossip lovers. "So-and-so looked before before WLS; he looks sick now!" - "Can you believe she took the easy way out?" - "I hate who she's become since WLS!" and on and on. Being around that negativity prior to my surgery made me determined not to share. I opted not to tell anyone at work, either, because I felt it might make others be more judgmental of what goes into my body. (Probably just my own paranoia, but still!)

Here are two things I read on this forum that really helped me come to terms with my decision, and may help you, too.

• Take your time and make sure you feel good about your decision before sharing. You can never un-tell someone, but you can always change your mind and share later.
• WLS is one of the only surgeries where we feel like we are being "deceptive" if we don't tell. But we wouldn't necessarily shout a gallbladder surgery from the rooftops. It's OK not to share!

Best of luck to you!!

[CanadaLoser 80]

@@bb8 you are so right, why is this surgery so different then other surgeries with perceptions and stigmas and judgement.

It's kinda crazy to think about that way. I hate that "people" in general are so judgemental.

[MsB7 64]

I have only told my mom, my 18yr old daughter, my sister who had Gastric Bypass 5 years ago and my friend who forced me to go to the seminar. I don't plan on telling anyone else because I don't need the Negativity!!! People who are Not in your shoes always say Diet and Exercise but it's obvious that we Need Extra Help from the WLS.. They don't know what it is like being overweight 100+ pounds. They will Never understand your daily struggles. Also people like to tell you the Horror Stories about what they heard happened to someone else. This is Just To Scare You. That's Not something that we need. So I'm keeping my list of people Very Short!

[deana_m20 17]

My mom and two close friends were the only ones that knew and I had to swear them to secrecy because I was so embarrassed that WLS was my last option because all diets failed. My surgery process was very quick (first seminar was 10/15, surgery 1/25/16). My dad didn't find out until the end of December. My mom would go to my dr. appt' with me and he started to worry why I had all these appt's so I had to tell him but thankfully, he was supportive. My sister on the other hand wasn't. She found every negative story she could find and made sure I knew about them. She doesn't know what it's like being overweight. She's been the size of a toothpick her whole life.

After my sister found out I haven't told anyone else because of the negativity I got from her.

[ACV 34]

I just told my husband that the Dr. Told me to consider surgery. I asked him to not tell anyone, that it might upset my daughter (age 13) . She worries too much, but it may be because I am a little embarassed. My husband's family is very judgmental. His mom doesn't even want to be seen with me in public.

[laura_rose16 27]

My mom really freaked out so did her sisters (my aunts) though I asked my Mom not to tell anyone. So not a good experience. I think people's view of the surgery is based on outdated information. And most people have no idea what the surgery is like in 2016. Right I am telling no one.

[4shiggles 57]

I have been discussing this with my therapist for a while and I really don't want to tell my coworkers but I am going to. Drastic weight loss coupled with time off from work..doesn't take an Eisenstein to figure it out. I initially just wanted to tell my boss i needed off for one week (with no explanation) but then what if I need more time? Also considering my profession my coworkers are going to need to cover for me while I'm gone. I'm a private person. It's killing me I have to tell them but I figure it will come out sooner or later. I don't know if they will be supportive or not, i feel like they may be with the exception of two coworkers. I know once I tell them it will spread like wildfire but I will be asking for them to keep it confidential. Fat chance that will happen though. Outside of work, I have told two people.

I agree about being gone from work soo long may have ppl question. But I actually told a little white lie. I'm also having a major hernia repair. So that's exactly what I told my job I'm having done. They don't need any further info. lol

Lol I said the same thing!!! It's true they are going to repair my hiatal hernia but do a lil extra work ????. I feel its no ones business but my own. I told close family and a couple of friends. I'm not required to do a supervised diet but I'm starting one now. Mostly cause I'm freaking out about hair loss. My surgery will be in April or May so I'll just let them assume weight loss is from my current diet.

[CrazyCatLadyinLA 17]

My surgery is scheduled for 2/26. So far only hubby and my mom know. Both FULLY supportive. Right now only 4 key people at work know I am going be in medical leave for 3 weeks but I didn't say why. HR won't ask and to the rest I just say that I'm a private person. We had 3 people go on medical leave last year (ranging from 3 weeks to 4 months) so people just chalk it up to our department being "unlucky".

[Mary2016 55]

I have told my one sister, who is also going through the process, my significant other and 2 close coworkers. All are sworn to secrecy. I will tell my kids when I am closer to surgery date, they are HS and college aged. The reason I won't tell work before hand is because I am afraid I will get pressure to postpone. There are 2 people that do my job and there should be 6. I Have no idea what they are going to do without me for 3 weeks. But after, I have no problem with people knowing.

[tmcx28 297]

When I started I told two people. A coworker who had also had the surgery, and one of my close friends. I didn't even tell my mother until I left my laptop open and she saw this site lol. That was about 3 months in to the process.

I'm 28, so I figured most of my friends would try to talk me out of it. I'm the only one with weight issues. Once I had the surgery I finally told them and they were actually super supportive. I've told most of my family and a lot of my friends but I don't say anything about it unless they notice I'm losing weight and ask what I'm doing. I didn't want any negativity, I didn't want them to spend time telling me how to lose weight without it, so I just did it and didn't tell anyone.

[because 63]

Crazy story, my friend and I are scheduled the same day. We have worked together for like 10 years and and are great friends. Well people at work found out and one person actually told my friend at lunch, "I can't Waite to see the real you" followed up with, "you better not cheat and mess up..." What the heck!!! Where does she get off? So far I have been given nothing but support so I'm okay with people knowing, but after hearing what happened today I'm at a loss for words. Some people have poor manners!

[Mrs_O 118]

I have recently had to fess up about having surgery to a few people I know from church and work clients so they know why I am not working for a bit. I found that telling them I was having it because of some health concerns makes them actually think about it not being a vanity thing. My boos pressure was starting to get high and my dad passed away at 51 due to MANY complications of being obese and it's like they understand and aren't judge mental at all thank goodness. Also through in that the doc and I have decided to do it now before it gets out of hand is best. Seems to have gone fine so far!

[406sleever 15]

I will tell you I kinda blew it even if I wanted to keep it secret at church. I had surgery on 12/21, my little sister picked me up for Christmas Eve service and stopped dead in her tracks. I had I guess just planned on wearing jeans (we are a super casual tiny church) but everything was to tight on my stomach. I was also on my pain killers but had settled on bright orange Halloween pants with cats all over them and a grey and green shirt. I am such a light weight on pain pills but she ask me once are you sure you don't have something else and I said something snarky. So yep there I was in my Halloween best, she at least talked me out of serving communion. So needless to say the church knows. lol

That was a great story!!! I told some friends, some family, and my coworkers, but I don't want all my of my fellow church goers to know. I do hope I don't have wardrobe problems . Thanks for a great story!

[Cape Crooner 589]

It's not quite that simple. I only told 8 people (all family) and thought I'd be fine.

Unfortunately, one was my 90 year old mother who didn't get the "it's private part". She told at least 3 other people and now I'm not sure who knows. This all happened a month before my surgery, so I just crossed my fingers and didn't tell anyone else.

Now I've lost 85 pounds in 5 months and everyone wants to know "my secret".

It's making me ill to have to lie to all my friends.

I am telling people that "I entered a medically supervised weight loss program" which basically true, but I still feel bad.

Assume you'll lose 80+ pounds in 6 months and think through how you'll explain it when true friends excitedly ask you "how did you do it?"

I have over 100 good friends and it's really the only downside of the whole wls experience.