Just had surgery 12 days ago - already getting mixed reviews/comments from family and friends. HELP!

[Lori55741 3]

I just had gastric sleeve surgery on Dec 17, 2015 and I the only ones who know are my husband, our twelve-year-old daughter, my mom and my best friend of 30 years. I went in to surgery weighing 279, and today, twelve days later, weigh 266. Post-surgery is going well. I'm feeling better and still on the bland, mostly liquid/pureed diet, and thankfully, haven't had any real issues with Portion Control and keeping things down.

My husband, daughter and mom are 100% supportive. My best friend's reply to the surgery news, however, was that I was "lucky" to be having weight loss surgery. She's a petite gal, and when we were in college, was a size 4 (me, a size 14). At age 50 now, she's probably a size 10. So, I don't see her as ever having had much of a weight issue that a little diet and exercise can't fix. Me, I went from 135 lbs in college to a whopping 308 lbs before deciding to have surgery. Like many of you, I've struggled since puberty with weight gain and health issues and have battled my way through POCS, infertility, fibroid tumors, gerd, gout, sleep apnea, fibromyalgia, RA, anxiety, etc., and finally sought bariatric surgery for some relief from all of it.

At present, I have chosen not to tell my extended family about my surgery. Even though no one on my side of the family has had to deal with obesity, I know they will be supportive because they've always been supportive of me and each other (and, if for nothing else, my four normal size brothers will stop feeling embarrassed about their "fat" sister.) But, I know based on past history, my in-laws and my husband's siblings won't be. Some of them are obese and miserable, so not being overweight anymore will definitely ruffle some feathers with both the skinny and not so skinny ones. Heck, my MIL was jealous that I got a new (used) car for Christmas. (Didn't matter that it's 9 yrs old and we desperately needed a decent second vehicle so my husband can get to work.) She couldn't even be happy about that!!! So, I'm not looking forward to a conversation about anything personal like my weight loss or appearance.

Wish me luck new bariatric weight loss friends.... and please let me know how you've handled your friend/family struggles with this topic. I really could use some support and encouragement and specifically what effective responses you gave to others in handling your version of this problem. I know I'm in for a bumpy ride when the weight starts coming off and I can't hide that I had surgery!

Thanks

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

Congratulations on taking such a big step toward health.

Fortunately, everyone I have shared with has been 100% supportive, at least in my presence as far as I know. I'd like to think everyone has been genuinely happy for me.

As to other people's reactions, please remember it's a reflection of them and their insecurities and/or self-esteem issues and not yours.

Also, especially as it relates to your friend, we can't compare our journey to anyone else's. I have known so many people who suffer from anorexia and bulimia who have tremendous body and self-esteem issues to learn that we just can't go down the road of comparing.

Try to stay positive and focus on you. Learn to set boundaries if you aren't very good at it already.

A book I highly recommend is one I read fairly recently by a therapist who works with bariatric surgery patients. The book is Eat it Up! and it addresses the issues you have brought up. Also, it wouldn't hurt to consider finding a good therapist or counselor and participating in a support group.

Best of luck. This experience is so much more than just having surgery. It changes your life.

[Sleevelife 3]

Congratulations on taking the biggest step towards taking care of yourself and your health!

I am a newbie too, surgery on 12-7-15.

I have to second what LSG said regarding other people's reactions, "please remember it's a reflection of them and their insecurities and/or self-esteem issues and not yours."

I have not told very many people, but some have seen that I have made changes to my diet and exercise habits. That is what I am going with. I sort of just decided that it is not everyone's business that I had a surgical assistance to my weight struggle.

Best of luck to you as you go forward in this amazing journey!

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,444]

My husband, daughter and mom are 100% supportive. My best friend's reply to the surgery news, however, was that I was "lucky" to be having weight loss surgery.

But, I know based on past history, my in-laws and my husband's siblings won't be. Some of them are obese and miserable, so not being overweight anymore will definitely ruffle some feathers with both the skinny and not so skinny ones. Heck, my MIL was jealous that I got a new (used) car for Christmas. She couldn't even be happy about that!!! So, I'm not looking forward to a conversation about anything personal like my weight loss or appearance.

It's nice that your husband didn't inherit his family's miserable-personality gene. You don't have to tell them anything. When they start commenting on your weight loss, simply tell them that you've been eating differently and have begun an exercise routine. It's the truth and nothing but the truth and, even better, it will make them crazy. Wouldn't it be a kick if they surprise you? Don't count on it, though, because the obese among them will probably add a jealousy component to their already miserable outlooks.

@@Inner Surfer Girl's suggestion of a book written for WLS people brought to mind a different kind of book someone who used to be on sparkpeople.com mentioned often in the depression "team" (you can find affinity groups for everything imaginable there or you can start one). I don't know the book myself, but you may want to look at a copy in a bookstore or at least read an online description. The title is "Boundaries," by Cloud and Townsend. I just googled it to be sure of the title (had forgotten about it some time ago); it turns out to be one of a series of "Boundaries" books. Here's a link to the publisher's (HarperCollins) material; it has some topics that you may find interesting -- including one on setting boundaries with mothers. Your husband might to take a look, too.

http://www.boundariesbooks.com/

As to your friend's "lucky" comment: Am I the only one who doesn't see it as necessarily negative? It seems vague enough to consider asking her to say more.

Back to the in-laws. My advice for the week for dealing with miserable thwarters is taking shape: "Punch their lights out."

Congratulations on a beautiful start.

Edited December 29, 2015 by WLSResources/ClothingExch

[Babbs 14,681]

When I read posts like yours about your in laws, I would love to be a fly on the wall when you've lost all your weight and are looking even more fabulous to see all their heads explode with jealousy.

Petty, I know, but like the saying goes:

The best revenge is living well

[BabyNewYear 31]

First off, congrats on your surgery! Hope you are feeling well and healing comfortably. Its difficult when your family is not as supportive as you would like them to be. My husband does not really want me to have the surgery but he is going along with it because he knows its important to me. My Mother and brother are in the same camp as my hubby but there's no other way I feel I can lose weight successfully and keep it off. God knows I've tried.

As far as telling people about my surgery my immediate family knows and I'll happily chat with the health professionals at the Lab or Dr's office about it. I'm not gonna shout it from the rooftops but if someone asks me how I've lost weight I will be honest. I think doing this takes a lot of courage. I have an extended family member who the rest of the family has speculated had bariatric surgery because of a drastic weight loss and she hasn't admitted to it. We all think its kinda silly but ultimately its her business who she tells. Although it seems pretty obvious to us what has happened.

What people seem to not get is that this is a health issue not a vanity one. If we were not dangerously overweight we could not be eligible to get this surgery in the first place. Obesity is not a moral failing it is a disease; one perpetuated by a food industry that puts profits before people and the production of healthful food products.

Good luck to you and hopefully you can educate your family as you move though this process. I know I am sure gonna try

[Catmom4 149]

[teaqueen 113]

Hugs and congrats on your journey progress! (I'm scheduled next Tuesday 1/5/16!)

I have also chosen to keep my surgery quiet from both sides of my large extended family. I know I'll get comments and questions a work, church and family gatherings. I just keep practicing the phrase, "Thank you, I've been working on eating healthy and exercising regularly." I don't plan to say much more.

Focus on you and know we are all cheering for you!????

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

My husband, daughter and mom are 100% supportive. My best friend's reply to the surgery news, however, was that I was "lucky" to be having weight loss surgery.

But, I know based on past history, my in-laws and my husband's siblings won't be. Some of them are obese and miserable, so not being overweight anymore will definitely ruffle some feathers with both the skinny and not so skinny ones. Heck, my MIL was jealous that I got a new (used) car for Christmas. She couldn't even be happy about that!!! So, I'm not looking forward to a conversation about anything personal like my weight loss or appearance.

It's nice that your husband didn't inherit his family's miserable-personality gene. You don't have to tell them anything. When they start commenting on your weight loss, simply tell them that you've been eating differently and have begun an exercise routine. It's the truth and nothing but the truth and, even better, it will make them crazy. Wouldn't it be a kick if they surprise you? Don't count on it, though, because the obese among them will probably add a jealousy component to their already miserable outlooks.

@@Inner Surfer Girl's suggestion of a book written for WLS people brought to mind a different kind of book someone who used to be on sparkpeople.com mentioned often in the depression "team" (you can find affinity groups for everything imaginable there or you can start one). I don't know the book myself, but you may want to look at a copy in a bookstore or at least read an online description. The title is "Boundaries," by Cloud and Townsend. I just googled it to be sure of the title (had forgotten about it some time ago); it turns out to be one of a series of "Boundaries" books. Here's a link to the publisher's (HarperCollins) material; it has some topics that you may find interesting -- including one on setting boundaries with mothers. Your husband might to take a look, too.

http://www.boundariesbooks.com/

As to your friend's "lucky" comment: Am I the only one who doesn't see it as necessarily negative? It seems vague enough to consider asking her to say more.

Back to the in-laws. My advice for the week for dealing with miserable thwarters is taking shape: "Punch their lights out."

Congratulations on a beautiful start.

I haven't read this one but I recommend The One Life Solution by Dr. Henry Cloud all the time. It also talks a lot about boundaries.

I highly recommend it!

The One-Life Solution: Reclaim Your Personal Life While Achieving Greater Professional Success https://www.amazon.com/dp/0061466433/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awd_W8xHwb95BSRKQ

Here is another good one: Mojo: How to Get It, How to Keep It, How to Get It Back If You Lose It https://www.amazon.com/dp/1401323278/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awd_T.xHwbS8ECEVT