Pregnancy before or after surgery?

[malpal8629 0]

I'm 30 and have baby fever like no other. I've always been overweight but stayed around 250 for many years. My highest weight was 305 and I'm now 285. I've been trying to lose weight so I won't have any complications during pregnancy and who knows if I'll even be able to conceive at this weight?

My consultation is in two weeks. I'm hoping to have the surgery done over spring break or summer since I'm a teacher.

I've never talked to anyone about this for fear of ridicule, but I'm just wondering what others think about whether I should try to have a baby now or lose some weight before OR do the surgery and wait 18 months-2 years after surgery before we can talk about having kids. Any thoughts?

[HopeandAgony 566]

This is a very personal decision with many factors. Only you and your Dr know if pregnancy will be possible for you at your weight. How many months are you willing to try to get pregnant before feeling like you should have opted for the surgery first?

I've been blessed in that my weight didn't impact my ability to conceive. I waited until after I was done having kids to have this surgery.

Weigh the pros and cons and map out a time line that includes what ifs. Maybe decide you want to try for a few months and if no pregnancy focus on surgery? You can still get prepared for surgery during your few months of trying.

Good luck.

[BullyMomma 10]

Oh man, I know this struggle. I'm 28 and my husband is almost 32. We are doing the surgery together, but our original plan was to start TTC at this point. My surgeon doesn't want me to get pregnant for at least 2 years after surgery.

Ultimately, what was best for us is that we bring a baby into our newer, healthier lifestyle. I'm working with a 54 BMI right now and I can't even imagine the complications that I would have being this big, if I could even get pregnant at all. And sorry this is TMI, but at the weight my husband and I are at, neither of us are really interested in doing what needs to be done to conceive naturally anyway. We do want 2-3 children, so if I put the surgery off, I would probably be looking at at least 3-5 years before I could have it done and the longer I remain obese, the more damage I am doing to my body.

The con in waiting is that I am terrified that pregnancy and post-partum life will be a gateway into gaining the weight back.

Have you talked to your partner about it at all?

[malpal8629 0]

I know this is a personal decision and I've thought about it long and hard. I was just curious what others would do in my position. Since there's nobody I'm close to that could possibly understand my situation, I thought I would turn here to see if anyone has any advice.

I have talked to my husband in great detail. He had expressed a great desire to be able to see my body change during a pregnancy. I don't want to be someone who doesn't even show until the very end. I don't know if I would be, but the most important thing is that I don't want to put myself or my baby in danger due to my size. My BMI is 44, and I know I have a lot of weight to lose. When I talked to my gyno about a year ago, she suggested I get to 200. Here it is a year later and that obviously hasn't happened even though I've tried countless diets. I don't know what's wrong with me that I just can't do it. It sounds like an excuse and I keep telling myself that if I wanted a baby that bad, I'd be able to lose the weight. I guess that thinking is pretty toxic.

I just want a child so bad that I think it's messing with my judgment, which is why I was seeking an unbiased opinion.

Thanks for any thoughts on the matter.

[malpal8629 0]

And while it's probably a little TMI...I've always been extremely regular so I'm assuming that means I'm ovulating normally as well. I've never gotten off birth control, and I use the Nuvaring so there's not even an issue of missing a day on the pill. I honestly think I could get pregnant if we tried, but it's more of a question of whether I should. I'm just so conflicted.

[amyg80 45]

I had the lapband in 9/13, got pregnant 5/14. I had only lost 25 lbs. it was not planned, but I didn't take precaution either. I was 34 when I got pregnant and had revision when my daughter was 10mo at 35.

It's easy to not think of ur goals and weight after babies bc u put their needs and wants come first. Then u might want another and might put it off again. It's up to you but I say get healthy first and then tackle parenthood. It could be harder the other way around.

Just my 2 cents.

[cindyw41 761]

And while it's probably a little TMI...I've always been extremely regular so I'm assuming that means I'm ovulating normally as well. I've never gotten off birth control, and I use the Nuvaring so there's not even an issue of missing a day on the pill. I honestly think I could get pregnant if we tried, but it's more of a question of whether I should. I'm just so conflicted.

If you're on the Nuvaring, that is what is keeping you regular. You won't know if you're ovulating until you are off birth control.

[Kelly1121 26]

As others have stated, this is an extremely personal decision that only you and your husband can make. (well, and your surgeon if you go for surgery first, since many require 2 years, but you'd want to know what your specific surgeon has to say about it).

Since you did follow up and ask specifically what we would do - personally, if I was healthy enough to conceive and carry a child before surgery, I would do that. If I had 'baby fever' now, it would be excruciating to wait to have surgery (especially if there was a 6 month diet, like my insurance requires), then 2 more years on top of that (as my surgeon would require). Then, time to conceive, 9 more months until delivery, etc. I also have a fear of regain post-surgery, so I'd rather be done with intentional weight gain, like with pregnancy, before having surgery so there won't be any other instances looming in my future where I KNOW I'll need to gain some weight. But again, this is an extremely personal decision and only you know what's right for you. Good luck with whatever you decide!

[cindyw41 761]

I will speak from personal experience here. The most important thing is for you to do is be healthy. I don't know if you have any conditions but high blood pressure, diabetes and other conditions is not healthy for the baby.

I had my two children in my 20s when I started having signs high blood pressure. My daughter had a low birth weight (5lbs 15oz) due to my pressure. I also had countless other issues.

Later in my late 30s..considerably heavier, my blood pressure was worse and heartbreakingly I had two miscarriages.

I know women can be heavy and completely healthy. If you're one of them that's wonderful but if you have issues, a pregnancy can be extremely difficult on you and the baby.

[malpal8629 0]

Luckily, I don't have any health issues yet because of my weight. No diabetes and my blood pressure is in the normal range. I honestly can't imagine having a baby at the weight I am. It's hard to imagine it being a healthy pregnancy with being obese. I feel selfish wanting a baby now knowing I'm not as healthy as I could be. But then I wonder if I'm possibly imagining it as worse than it really is. I've seen many overweight women have healthy pregnancies, and I've seen healthy women have miserable pregnancies. I'm sure this is all just wishful thinking though. I'm too embarrassed to ask anyone I know what they truly think about me having a baby at this weight. When I tell people I want to lose weight before trying to get pregnant, they usually look surprised that I'm not going ahead and trying now. I'm 5'8 and definitely don't look like I weigh what I do. My mom is also overweight and when I told her I was considering the surgery, she was not supportive saying I was too small for such a drastic measure. She was shocked when I told her I was 285 pounds and had even gotten over 300.

I just want to do what's best but also don't want to wait years for something I so badly want now.

[cindyw41 761]

I have a friend who had bypass when her twins were 3, she said that she'd wished that she had the surgery before getting pregnant so that she would've had more energy.

However I know the strong desire to have a child. I was there and if I had someone tell me to wait 2-3 years I would've not been happy

And probably would not have listened. If you have no underlying conditions..I would go for it

[BullyMomma 10]

You can't worry about what other people will think of your pregnancy. They aren't the ones who have to live through it. The only opinions you should concern yourself with are those of your husband and your surgeon and/or OB/GYN.

[ttdish 315]

My pregnancy was high risk right from the start because I was obese and had high blood pressure (and other weight related issues), and then I also developed gestational diabetes. I'm very grateful I delivered a healthy baby.

You think it's hard to carry around 285 pounds? Add another 25-40! It's not pleasant. I was 230 or so, when I got pregnant and put on about 30 pounds. Then, instead of losing the baby weight, I gained weight afterwards, and got up to 245. At 5'3" that put me at a BMI of 42. I was exhausted all the time, and couldn't even keep up with my one year old, let alone focus on myself to try and do something about the weight.

I wanted my kids to be close in age, but I knew I couldn't be pregnant again at that weight. It wouldn't be healthy for me or the growing baby. I knew I couldn't do it alone, so I made the decision to get the VSG surgery and put off having baby #2 until I was healthier. It was a hard decision, and would have been harder if I hadn't already had one kiddo, so I don't envy your position, but it was absolutely the right decision.

I'm now down almost 73 pounds (sleeved 8/31/15), and I actually PLAY with my son now, instead of watching him play. I wish I could say that was true for the first year of his life (not to mention the fact that I have almost no pictures of us together from his first year because I hated how I looked). I have so much more energy now, and even though I know I need to wait to have a second child, I also know I'll be healthier for the pregnancy and after baby arrives, and that is so much more important than my preconceived notions of having my kids be close together in age. That just seems silly now.

I wouldn't change a thing, of course, because my son is the light of my life, but knowing what I know now, I would definitely recommended getting yourself healthy first, so that when you get pregnant, you are providing a safer environment for your babe to grow, and when you have a baby, you can truly enjoy your time together.

~*~ Find me on YouTube: Trisha's Sleeve Story ~*~