Heartbroken... feels like my progress is being erased.

[NYC1992 135]

Wow, has it been awhile since I've posted here... glad to be back, but wish it was under better circumstances.

To give backstory - I had lap band surgery on May 6th, 2013 - just days after my 21st birthday (I am now 23) - and it was one of the best decisions I could've made for myself. My highest weight was 357 lbs, and by September I had lost 90 lbs (with about 4.5 cc / 14). During that August, I dealt with extreme dehydration/nausea (I was throwing up everything) and had to be hospitalized several times to get the necessary IV fluids. Nothing was wrong with the band and it was actually Prevacid that helped me recover, but during that time is when I had my first unfill when doctors were trying to determine the cause. I was briefly back at 3.5 cc between September and November, but horribly got an unfill right before Thanksgiving. It stayed that way until March 2014 - I had gained about 35 lbs back.

Thankfully, I got a fill in that month and got back on track, reaching 100 lbs loss in summer and by December 2014 I had lost a total of 150 lbs, weighing 207 lbs. It was then that I began my consultation for body reconstruction surgery - by February 2015 I was 201 lbs. On February 27th, I underwent a lower body lift (tummy tuck, butt and thigh lift) and an arm lift, a 5 hour procedure that took over a month to recover from with nurses helping me 24/7. With the 11 lbs of skin that was removed, I got to my lowest weight ever of 190 lbs and it was the happiest I had ever been.

I got my fill back around April (around 3.5 to start), but did not feel anywhere near the same level of restriction as I did before. I went to 4.5 in June, with no success. In fact, I began to crave junk food more than ever and, between July and October, gained 32 lbs back. By early September I went back to my surgeon's office, devastated, and got a fill of 5.5 ccs (which was higher than what I lost all my weight with). No difference. We were concerned there might've been a port leak but it turned out false. I went up to 6.5 ccs with no change, then 7 ccs which made me too tight. I went back to 6.5 ccs and my weight has fluctuated between 220 lbs and as high as 228 lbs. I gave in to any craving I had without any ability to restrain myself (there would be nights where I'd have two pints of Ben & Jerry's - it made me feel like a monster who couldn't stop once I started). I'd instantly regret it after I finished it all and would often cry myself to sleep, only go to the supermarket the next day to buy more and repeat it all over again.

Desperate to find a resolution, I went again to my surgeon in November and was prescribed Phentermine (37.5 mg). As soon as I took it the first day, I thought I had found a miracle. It gives me a boost of energy and even though it causes dry mouth and insomnia, it does wonders for my hunger throughout the day - problematically, the effect wears off by midnight and my cravings come back. In those late night moments I would have junk food again, and therefore no progress occurred. I was averaging between 220 lbs and 223 lbs at this point.

The week of Thanksgiving, I got -the runs- (we're honest here, right?) where I was having to go #2 almost every hour. I knew any weight I would've lost wouldn't be the right way, but I didn't even lose a pound. I'd had to go off the Phentermine because of this and once I felt back to normal, I gained 6 lbs back in the course of two days, making me 228. I got back on soon after and lost about 5 lbs (assuming the 228 had bloating), but only had a few days worth left.

Last Monday, at 222 lbs, I saw my surgeon's office again and was given a refill of the Phentermine as well as a fill, going at first to 6.8 cc again but, once trying to drink Water, realized it felt too tight and we decided on my current amount which is 6.75 ccs. I was on liquids for 2 days, then mushy for 2 days, and then solids by Friday. I even got the motivation go on the treadmill 4 times this past week, which I am proud of. I have noticeably increased my Water intake and am trying to get Protein in with yogurts and Protein shakes while I do my best to develop a macro plan. Surely the no-solids diet for almost a week and all the treadmilling (burning between 250 and 300 calories each time) and more water should've helped my weight loss, right?

It hasn't, really. I fluctuate between 221, 220.8, and 219.5. Nothing higher and nothing less. I am at my highest fill amount ever at 6.75 as well as the Phentermine and do feel the effects of it. I'm just not losing any weight by anything I'm doing.

This year started off SO WELL with my body reconstruction surgery... now, I am heavier than I was this time last year. My chronic depression and anxiety are at an all time high (even on Lexapro which I am beginning to think my body has become immune to). I look in the mirror at my body (especially my stomach which is still tight but significantly bigger than when I had the loose skin), seeing how much heavier I look in each area (it doesn't help that my back and chest have loose skin left), barely take any photos of myself anymore and often feel extremely hopeless, crying myself to sleep and having more panic attacks in last few weeks than I have in over a year. I see all these stories where people on Phentermine are having the same effects I have but are losing as much as 10 lbs the first few days and wonder what is wrong with me.

Any advice or reply would be extremely appreciated... I worked so hard for this and it is the worst feeling to have that being taken away from me, not knowing why this is happening thank you very much for reading.

- Mark

[psychprof 141]

Dump the band.

Seriously though, my bariatric program isn't even doing them anymore

[NYC1992 135]

Dump the band.

Seriously though, my bariatric program isn't even doing them anymore

I asked my surgeon (who is world famous from NYU Langone Medical Center) about sleeve conversion and he said I was overreacting, that my band is fine and that insurance would never cover me because of how much weight I've lost already.

[Crystalapril11 36]

I can relate after 2 slips along with unfills. Fighting to lose after each gain. I started at 289 lbs then lost to my all time low 198lbs. Now sitting filled at 241lbs. It sucks!! The weight battle isn't easy. With all this shorten and said I'm trying. In the meantime my husband had the band removed for medical reasons and started at 408lbs got down to 210lbs. Now is at 290lbs. I can't let us fail. We worked way to hard. We have a vacation coming up in March. I'm going to try my absolute best to use the vacation as motivation to get us on track.

[lisacaron 5,075]

@ let me first say that you have really done amazingly on your weight loss journey. Sure none of it has been easy, and I think most of us could say that is true for us as well.

Dealing with issues of self esteem, food cravings, depression and anxiety can pose some pretty serious road blocks to weight loss.Sometimes we need help to over come those road blocks and find ways around them. Do you see a therapist? Sometimes a good one can help to find ways around the road blocks and it could be something simple like changing the anxiety medication to just finding other coping strategies to those night time cravings (which are horrible I know from personal experience!)

Your doing so well, don't give up just keep an eye out for those road blocks many of which you have mapped out already in your thread. Once you know what and where they are you can start to find ways around and through them to get to where you are comfortable in your skin. That might mean taking a look at yourself and instead of judging those few pounds, try loving yourself the way you are for who you are. Then perhaps in finding that love and acceptance of yourself, you'll find that road block no longer exist, and your one step closer to where you want to be.

[Sojourner 2,446]

There is an old saying around this forum...the band goes around your stomach, not your head. From reading your post, it seems to me that you have a need to address your flawed thinking and relationship with food.

There are many ways to go about this, keep junk food out of your pantry is a good starting point. Mindful eating, keeping track of everything you eat can also be a tool to help keep you accountable to yourself. I would also agree that seeking a qualified therapist to assist you to address your psychological issues as they relate to eating patterns would help.

The foundation for sustained weight loss maintenance comes from having an understanding of the reasons why you became obese, and learning a better way to cope with some of the feelings that cause you to self sabotage yourself.

Best wishes for an improved 2016 to you.

[The Candidate 3,215]

Anyone out there who carries the slightest belief that weight loss surgery (of any type) is the "easy" way out should have to read your story.

I'm a RNY and so have no experience with the band so I can't offer you any more then my sincerest wish that you are able to get a revision some day. My heart truly goes out for you.

[B-52 7,113]

I am at 7cc's, and have been for 4-1/2 years now....

I CANNOT eat anything I want, and have to restrict some foods..

Some people would say that is too tight, that you should be able to eat anything and everything you want.

The foods I no longer eat are Red meats, Pasta, rice, things made from flour such as bread, cakes, etc...all of which incidentally are not good for me in the first place so why push it.

Along with that I am unable to over eat...can only consume so much at a sitting and I am done...again, why push it..if I did it would create problems. Not to mention my lack of hunger - appetite.

So, bottom line for ME, there are foods I will never eat again (all unhealthy)

I cannot over eat

My hunger - appetite is controlled.

To get to this point, I HAD to change a lifetime of bad habits, I HAD to conform to the band and it's demands.

That was the hardest part of all this...

But now, after 5 years, I can say this is the easy way out for me....it was hard adjusting and getting it right with many ups and downs, but once I did.....

I read people's frustrations here everyday...I have no idea what is going on or what may be their problems....how can anyone?

All I (or anyone) can do is share what they have gone through and what they have learned....some people can relate, some cannot...

I have had the Lap band, and can only speak about that from my experience, and not about other procedures such as the sleeve, bypass, etc....

I hope you find that elusive balance between the right amount of restriction, the right foods, and the right eating techniques....

[Julie norton 2,850]

Odd. This is general lap band SUPPORT....

And yet nay Sayers come here to post about "dumping the band"

I'm here 9 years post op saying work with the band as long as you can... And I get it doesn't work for some.

But can't us banders have one spot to support each other...

I'll go to banders #7 and see if the love is there ????