Not getting much support from husband

[Deb_o64 3]

I am in the process of getting sleeved ... All the appointment requirements ... Should be able to submit everything to my insurance company the end of February. Anyway my husband is not really supportive of the surgery . I think he might feel as if he's losing his eating partner , he constantly tells me " oh your NEVER going to eat that again. " . He tells me I am making the biggest mistake in my life that I will regret my surgery . Anyone else deal with a partner that wasn't as supportive as you would like and how did you deal with that????

[Champ715 207]

My fiance has been extremely supportive but I myself had feelings of "I'm never going to eat that again". One of our bonding rituals has always been cooking and eating together so I was worried that we would lose that. It was difficult until I got to solid foods but now we are able to cook and eat together like we used to. He's actually been eating healthier as a result. If he wants something that I'm not allowed (like a cheeseburger) then he cooks that while I cook my own food. Maybe just remind your husband that there will be changes at first but eventually you'll find your "new normal". I would also remind him that, as your partner, it's important that you have his support.

As for the regret part, I was an emotional basketcase the first two weeks or so. I had deep feelings of anger, frustration, and regret. All that leveled out and now the only regret I have is not doing this sooner.

[Champ715 207]

Also, I should say that my fiance was very nervous and apprehensive of me getting surgery. My dad was also apprehensive. I basically told them that I had spent 6 months doing research and had already made up my mind. At that point, I was not interested in hearing from any naysayers. I could tell they were still apprehensive but they respected my decision enough to support me. Now that I'm post op and have lost 34 pounds in 73 days, they are both very happy that I did it.

[TripleK 22]

It sounds to me like he is afraid of change. Just keep reassuring him, like Southern Sleever said, you will have lots of changes for a while but you will settle into a "new normal" & some of the changes may enhance his life too.

[Miss Mac 6,262]

It's too bad that we don't know when our expiration date is. I figured mine would be age 67, because that is when my mother (5'2" and 320 pounds) suffered a fatal abdominal aortic aneurysm. I was 63 when I had the surgery. If your doctor told you that you have only four more years to live unless you have bariatric surgery, you wouldn't hesitate to speak up for yourself and get the deed done. Thank goodness that you are a woman 'fully growed" who can make her own decisions about her health.

I agree that he probably feels threatened. But you can't let him make this about himself. This has to be about you and getting healthy. Losing this extra weight makes all the difference in your quality of life. Married or not, you shouldn't let anyone steal your power or hold you back. I wish you the best. Hugs from Chicago.

[conrad1 24]

My husband was not happy either with my decision either. He is worried that I will regret it... He knows how much I love love love food.. He is also worried about the surgery its self.... My date is Dec 29th and I can't wait... I am fearful but think this is the right decision for me..

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Well, he's right -- he may well be losing his eating partner. Especially if he means his "pig out partner."

What he may be afraid of is that he's losing the person who gives him permission to abuse his body and lead a very unhealthy lifestyle.

But I don't know him. You do.

One thing I kept hearing when I was just getting started on this path is that when we change our lives, that change affects those we have close relationships.

Sounds like it's time for some intimate conversations -- to find out what his fears really are about. It's probably a better approach than wondering or guessing what he's afraid of.

[ivettev001 27]

Well my husband at the beginning was not supportive BUT I kept going foward with my plan because it was me with the " weight issue" sometimes ppl can't understand when they are not in your shoes... In your body... You are the one that need the change... If you dnt feel healthy, comfortable with ur self and u r unhappy then you will need this for your OWN GOOD FIRST!!!! I learn my husband was and still is a little bit scare but I am doing this for my health and if h r really loves me and wants to see me better than he just has to support me, he doesn't have to approve my desition But as my husband Support my need! But it has to start with you... If you are confident that this is what you want encouraged you to go foward... But always supervised by doctor and go by instructions. Time Will only tell. But you have motivate your self first hun.

[Deb_o64 3]

Thanks everyone for the support . Such good advice I thank you .... This morning I had a dr appointment with my primary dr and he's glad I have made the decision to follow thur with the sleeve. He knows my husband and made a good point maybe when he sees what a success I will have maybe he will consider weight loss surgery also. Yes he is losing his pig out partner but I will start to be the one to lead a healthy life style and maybe that will rub off on him??? Who knows but I will follow thru with surgery and live healthy ! I can't wait!!!

[jane13 2,256]

@@Deb_o64 - I have been blessed with a very SUPPORTIVE husband and 24 y/o son at home. My 29 y/o daughter wasn't too happy about making a permanent change (she wanted me to do the lap-band).

Once I began eating pre-op (early April) my hubby started losing weight too.

In July he hopped on the scale and I saw he weighed 219, I weighed 221 I KNEW I was really close to finally weighing less than him in about 7 or 8 years...the next week I was 219 and he was too...he didn't understand why I was fist pumping until I confessed

I am happily 32 pounds lighter and he is maintaining the 220 range at the moment. We eat healthier and we eat out a lot, still, but we share (or I get an appetizer).

[jstachic 61]

You are at one point you might regret it, you are going to ask your self what did I do to myself? But it is a normal thought and process, I'm sure a lot of people on here have said it to themselves at least once, I know I did. And support is the key! I'm so sorry that your husband is not emotionally supportive right now, it may stem from fear. And you have all of us now

[Dub 9,922]

Non-supportive dudes are idiots.

They must be clueless as to the new you that is going to arrive soon. That new you will be supercharged & sexy....in mind and body.

What kind of guy is so stupid as to not support THAT ?????

[WalkOnWaking 139]

I guess I am lucky. My husband would not qualify for the surgery on our insurance (BMI too low), but he struggles with his weight. During my pre-op diet, he did the liquids and Protein shakes right along with me, with the ok of our PCP. He lost about 20 pounds since this started for me.

He's back to eating normally, and is trying to eat more sensible, so maybe perhaps he can beat it on his own. He started gaining weight when he quit smoking 16 years ago. When we met and started dating, he was still smoking, and was at the high end of 'normal' weight for his height. Now he's at a BMI of 33 with his weight loss with me. He's bounced between 33 and 34 for 16 years.

[JapGirl 229]

I am in the process of being sleeved as a low BMIer. (30-35) and he wasn't supportive at first when I decided on this 2 months ago, but he is getting better as time goes on. Give it some more time

[conrad1 24]

I am in the process of being sleeved as a low BMIer. (30-35) and he wasn't supportive at first when I decided on this 2 months ago, but he is getting better as time goes on. Give it some more time

Same here. I have lower BMI. When is your surgery? We have a secret fb group you can join for December Sleevers. Its called December 2015 Sleevers