Relationships after surgery

[Tashina 3]

Hello my fellow Sleevers!

I just had my surgery on Dec. 7, 2015. My partner and I have been together for about 5 years and we're engaged. Now that I have had my surgery my SO keeps making the comment that I will get skinny and leave the relationship. I constantly reassure that will not happen and if it did it wouldn't be because of being skinny and wanting attention. I'm curious if you guys have experienced this with partners. Did your relationship change after you lost a lot of weight?

[amandasue 27]

Following

[Miss Mac 6,262]

My boyfriend and I (in our mid-60's) have been together 9 1/2 years. He has been a supportive gift from God. If I had this done with I was with my mean ol' rotten ex-hubby, there would have been psychotic episodes of the worst degree.

Maybe you can get your partner to see that this is not about being a trophy wife, but about being healthy so that you can be together for a long, long time.

[songsmith 334]

My husband and I have been together for 34 years. Pretty sure he knows I'm not going to leave him!

That said, sounds like maybe your SO feels a little insecure. His remarks may have nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. Tell him you agreed to marry him because of what you feel in your heart and head, not how you feel or look in your body. He must have known about your surgery beforehand, right? If so, tell him you know he feels exactly the same way. Hopefully that will help. If not, well, you might need to talk about your hopes and fears (both of you) about your new life. Are you required to do any counseling before the wedding? I know some clergy require that. Maybe you can talk about his fears there.

I'd be a little hurt if my husband said something like that, but he'd have to keep saying it. Heck, I'm still secretly disappointed that I was the one who proposed all those years ago!

[pinkbunies 359]

Relationship problems do sometimes come from the Surgery because it creates an insecurity with your spouse. I feared this would happen to me but it didn't.

Stay the course and hopefully your spouse grows with you through the change.

[kswinterk1981 2]

I had the lapband first and my now husband did the same thing to me. He thought I was hot and that I was getting attention from men at work and that I would leave him. We have been together now 8 years, but now that I went to the sleeve I am fearing we have this same issue. I am also noticing that our use to be "go out and have a few drinks" habit is also causing an issue as I chose to stop drinking and focusing on loosing my weight.

[Lexigurl82 160]

I'm sort of in the same boat. My husband asked me a few times before surgery would I leave him once I got skinny. We have been married for almost 7 years and had been having issues way before I considered weight loss surgery. I recently told him I was unhappy and he says that he feels the surgery was my "exit strategy". I ignore him when he tells me that I realized that he is refusing to take responsibility for his actions and him mentioning my surgery is his way of deflection. I decided that we needed to separate for a little while to see if the marriage is worth saving. I do love my husband and I don't know what the future will bring, but I refuse to live the rest of my life being unhappy. I hope everything works out with you and your SO.

[journeymeh 8]

he sounds insecure. :/

[Tashina 3]

I'm sort of in the same boat. My husband asked me a few times before surgery would I leave him once I got skinny. We have been married for almost 7 years and had been having issues way before I considered weight loss surgery. I recently told him I was unhappy and he says that he feels the surgery was my "exit strategy". I ignore him when he tells me that I realized that he is refusing to take responsibility for his actions and him mentioning my surgery is his way of deflection. I decided that we needed to separate for a little while to see if the marriage is worth saving. I do love my husband and I don't know what the future will bring, but I refuse to live the rest of my life being unhappy. I hope everything works out with you and your SO.

Thank you for sharing. I hope that everything works out for what is best for you! And congrats on your surgery!

[livvsmum 2,369]

My husband and I had been married for 15 years at the time of surgery (17 now) and for all of those years I was either very overweight, pregnant and very overweight, or just plain obese. I am now at a normal BMI and hover right around 130-135 pounds. I am still the same person. I don't go seeking attention from other men, nor do I welcome it when it happens. But it does happen, of no fault of my own. He will notice men look at me more, I get random friend requests from people I don't know at all, etc. Of course I love and adore my husband and ignore all of this other crap. But to answer your question, yes, there was an adjustment period. There was a period of time where he felt pretty insecure about things because he felt like I was going to change or something. I think as time has gone on and he has adjusted and seen that I have not changed inside, things have leveled out. It also helps to have open lines of communication too. We would openly talk about it and work through it. It never really escalated to a fight or a real problem.