10 million baby girls murdered in India and yet it costs $20,000 to adopt

[losingjusme 12]

my DH and i adopted my DD from China in 2003.

everything, including airfare/hotels/food while there, cost about $14,000. we did get a tax credit of a little over 10,000 the following year so we got a huge refund.

would i do it again? absolutely no questions asked. in fact, if i cannot conceive within the next 6 months (and once i get below 40 BMI) we will start the process over.

the ONLY fees we paid to the US government were passport fees and INS fees.

all other fees went to our agency (who runs several clinics in China - and other countries - and that is where most of our fees go), the Chinese Adoption branch of the government (this pays for the first XX months of her life - food, caretakers, etc), and Chinese documentation (her passport, visa, etc.)

one good thing is the fees are staggered. you dont pay it all at once. and now that the China program is taking about 2 years, it is easier to come up with the money.

best of luck to anyone who wishes to adopt. if you have any questions, please feel free to PM me.

[katt 0]

Let me tell you about my DD. She is 37, a registered nurse, stay at home full time Mom. My son-in-law is a kind, gentle man. The are raising 6 wonderful, beautiful, healthy, happy, well-adjusted (IMHO with only a little bias) children. They home school. My oldest granddaughter graduated from highschool last year (a full year early) and will begin college this Aug. The state they live in will not allow them to foster parent because they home school. How ridiculous is this? PERHAPS one of the reasons they are so healthy is due to home schooling? Our public school system hasn't done such a good job. Katt

[gadgetlady 4]

The state they live in will not allow them to foster parent because they home school. How ridiculous is this? PERHAPS one of the reasons they are so healthy is due to home schooling? Our public school system hasn't done such a good job. Katt

Amazing. I learned at a homeschool convention last month that 70% of public school teachers don't send their kids to public schools. There's something wrong with this picture!

[green 6]

Why do folks homeschool? I have read that this is quite a popular movement in the U.S.

[gadgetlady 4]

Why do folks homeschool? I have read that this is quite a popular movement in the U.S.

There are many, many reasons. We homeschool because of the quality of education, the choice of what goes into our children's young brains (e.g. there are movements to teach sex ed as early as kindergarten), protection from outside sources (adults and children), curriculum decisions, the desire for our children NOT to be "socialized" according to current social norms, and schedule flexibility.

Generally speaking, because homeschooled children receive one-on-one focused attention, the quality of education for homeschooled kids is head and shoulders above even private schools. The children tend to be well adjusted and able to interact with human beings of all ages (as opposed to only kids their own age). While many criticize, colleges and employers are now starting to actively recruit homeschoolers because they have seen the difference. Homeschooling is becoming a world-wide movement, with many parents in other countries being jailed or having their children taken away because of their homeschooling actions.

[Boo Boo Kitty 3]

Let me tell you about my DD. She is 37, a registered nurse, stay at home full time Mom. My son-in-law is a kind, gentle man. The are raising 6 wonderful, beautiful, healthy, happy, well-adjusted (IMHO with only a little bias) children. They home school. My oldest granddaughter graduated from highschool last year (a full year early) and will begin college this Aug. The state they live in will not allow them to foster parent because they home school. How ridiculous is this? PERHAPS one of the reasons they are so healthy is due to home schooling? Our public school system hasn't done such a good job. Katt

WOW Kat! That is the craziest thing I have ever heard! I am not a homeschooler for my kids, I am very fortunate to have them at a charter school which is going great, but if we didn't have that option I more than likely would homeschool. Hard to believe that it could ever keep someone from fostering a child that needs love. Disgusting if you ask me!

[green 6]

There are many, many reasons. We homeschool because of the quality of education, the choice of what goes into our children's young brains (e.g. there are movements to teach sex ed as early as kindergarten), protection from outside sources (adults and children), curriculum decisions, the desire for our children NOT to be "socialized" according to current social norms, and schedule flexibility.

Generally speaking, because homeschooled children receive one-on-one focused attention, the quality of education for homeschooled kids is head and shoulders above even private schools. The children tend to be well adjusted and able to interact with human beings of all ages (as opposed to only kids their own age). While many criticize, colleges and employers are now starting to actively recruit homeschoolers because they have seen the difference. Homeschooling is becoming a world-wide movement, with many parents in other countries being jailed or having their children taken away because of their homeschooling actions.

Thanks for answering me, Gadget. :confused: I still have a few more questions and these have to do with teaching kids in the higher grades. I could teach a kid history, geography, art, social sciences, French, German, and English, but I would be entirely unable to teach anyone maths, music, physics or chemistry. This is due to those subjects being my weak points. How does a homeschooling parent get around this difficulty? Is there a homeschooling network where a parent who is strong in certain areas, i.e. sciences and maths, takes on a group of kids and the parent who can handle languages and arts will take over the kids for those subjects? Or does the homeschooling parent hire a tutor for those subjects which give him or her difficulty?

I have one more question: while I can entirely understand a parent's desire to homeschool children, the modern school environment can be a socially stressful or even dangerous one for children what with gangs, peer pressures, bullying, etc, how do children feel about homeschooling? I can imagine that younger kids are very comfortable with this but what about teenagers? They are so full of anxieties and yet so anxious to belong to peer groups, to have a gang of friends. I guess I find myself asking this last question because I was sent off to a boarding school from the age of 10 and as I was very shy my summers at home were lonely. I had no friends in the neighbourhood, you see. I spent much of my time feeling like an outsider. (This was very good for me intellectually; I spent much of my time reading, doing art and listening to classical music. I also spent a lot of my time with adults. I never did live like a teen until I went to university.)

[gadgetlady 4]

I still have a few more questions and these have to do with teaching kids in the higher grades. I could teach a kid history, geography, art, social sciences, French, German, and English, but I would be entirely unable to teach anyone maths, music, physics or chemistry. This is due to those subjects being my weak points. How does a homeschooling parent get around this difficulty? Is there a homeschooling network where a parent who is strong in certain areas, i.e. sciences and maths, takes on a group of kids and the parent who can handle languages and arts will take over the kids for those subjects? Or does the homeschooling parent hire a tutor for those subjects which give him or her difficulty?

There are all sorts of possibilities to answer this issue. The short answer is yes to homeschooling networks and possibly yes to tutors. There are also whole curriculums that a parent can purchase that take the parent and student step-by-step through everything. There are online curriculums, video curriculums, distance learning, and all sorts of other tools if they're needed. Right now, my 10yo daughter is learning elementary French through a computer program, but I don't know French. Last year she learned elementary Spanish, which I do know, but she did it mostly herself. The program comes with built-in testing so I can check and see how she's learning even if I don't know the stuff myself.

Here's a link to an organization we belong to, the Homeschool Legal Defense Association, which can answer some basic questions: http://www.youcanhomeschool.org/starthere/default.asp?bhcp=1. This is a Christian organizaiton but I'm sure there are similar organizations for other groups of people.

You have to remember, until the early 1900's, pretty much everyone was homeschooled -- and we produced some pretty intelligent people!

I have one more question: while I can entirely understand a parent's desire to homeschool children, the modern school environment can be a socially stressful or even dangerous one for children what with gangs, peer pressures, bullying, etc, how do children feel about homeschooling? I can imagine that younger kids are very comfortable with this but what about teenagers? They are so full of anxieties and yet so anxious to belong to peer groups, to have a gang of friends. I guess I find myself asking this last question because I was sent off to a boarding school from the age of 10 and as I was very shy my summers at home were lonely. I had no friends in the neighbourhood, you see. I spent much of my time feeling like an outsider. (This was very good for me intellectually; I spent much of my time reading, doing art and listening to classical music. I also spent a lot of my time with adults. I never did live like a teen until I went to university.)

LOL! There are many, many peer groups that I prefer my children AVOID! There are also a lot of homeschooling support groups, clubs, church groups, etc. where they can make friends (as an aside, friends who generally have the same values as we and friends who generally participate in activities with their parents, just like we do, so entire families fellowship together). Here are some more answers to these questions: You can homeschool. - The Big Questions. In general, homeschool kids tend to be very well socialized with people of all ages because they don't interact with kids ONLY their age. I'm 41 and I have friends in their early 20's and in their early 60's. I personally don't think it's healthy for 8yo's to ONLY interact wtih 8yo's. There's a lot of stuff they miss out on by doing that, and there are a lot of ruts they can get into.

There are also all sorts of other things my kids DON'T learn by being in institutionalized schools: racism, hatred, violence, bigotry, stereotyping, and just plain meanness. When we taught our kids about slavery in early America, our youngest couldn't figure out how the pigment in one's skin could influence whether or not that person was a slave. It was quite refreshing. When I taught our oldest about reproduction, I didn't have to worry about what misconceptions she had learned in the playground that I would need to correct. Our kids don't think twice about coming to us with questions about anything and everything, regardless of how embarassing those questions might be. Everywhere we go, people comment on our kids' behavior, kindness, and knowledge. It is such an incredible blessing to be able to do this, I can't even come close to explaining it. I hope I've done it some justice.

[green 6]

Again, thanks for taking the time to educate me in this matter, Gadget. :grouphug:

:confused: And now I want to ask you yet another question. :help: It is my understanding that no state will allow parents to homeschool their children without insuring that these children meet or exceed the educational standards set by that state. Why then do some states take a dim view of homeschooling? I am, of course, thinking of katt's daughter being disqualified from adopting a child because she homeschools when I ask this question, and I also note that one of the website addresses which you have given me (I haven't visited either of them yet :embarassed: *blush*) is the Homeschool Legal Defense Association.

I feel that I should admit that if I were a parent I would be plenty concerned about the quality of education that my children would be receiving in the public school system today. This is because I come from a family background which values academic and creative work over sports and social activities. (And so I have a nerdly set of values, you could say.... :rolleyes ) This means that if I were a parent I would be utterly baffled as to how to proceed with the business of educating my kids. And this is why I am now jamming you up with questions.

[gadgetlady 4]

Again, thanks for taking the time to educate me in this matter, Gadget. :grouphug:

:confused: And now I want to ask you yet another question. :help: It is my understanding that no state will allow parents to homeschool their children without insuring that these children meet or exceed the educational standards set by that state. Why then do some states take a dim view of homeschooling?

One word: CONTROL.

I don't know the laws in every state, but I do know that in California no one has ever or will ever check to see if our kids are meeting educational standards. I can tell you they are exceeding them, as most homeschool kids are, but they do not have to take any tests to demonstrate competence. It would be a joke, really, as public school kids have been known to graduate from high school without basic literacy, but nevertheless, in CA there is no legal oversight for homeschoolers. If someone suspects we are not educating them properly they can report us, but that's where the HSLDA comes in and protects us. We are obligated, in order to receive their protection, to keep accurate records and to actually BE educating them, but of course that's not an issue for us.

But here's the real deal as far as the State (with a capital "S") is concerned: we teach our kids what WE want them to learn. We teach them about creation vs. evolution, we have a Bible curriculum, and we teach them about things that might be considered "politically incorrect". There are also many things we choose NOT to teach them. Because the State has no access to our kids, they don't have the ability to indoctrinate or infuse them with beliefs contrary to our own. And that's the rub for the State.

I also come from a family that values education highly. I went to a very small, very exclusive college prep high school, and I graduated with honors from a private 4-year college in 3 1/3 years. But, interestingly, the focus of the education of our children is highly concentrated on CHARACTER (something my education never focused on). Academics is important, but it goes hand in hand with helping our children become the TYPE of people we want them to become, and not just well-educated, money-focused sociopaths.

[L8BloomR 1]

Gadgetlady: You impress the heck out of me.... for so many reasons. I appreciate the good work you do, the organizations you are involved with and link us to here on LBT, and I admire your willingness to do the "tough work" with your kids. You rock!! :rockon:

[green 6]

Although I think that I "get" the concept of homeschooling I must admit that I would find myself personally uneasy if the only reason for homeschooling is hinged upon a specific religious/philosophical agenda. This is because I am awfully fond of plurality and believe that it is only by permitting open and respectful debate that we might come to learn more about the world and about each other. And afterall, beliefs which are solid will survive scrutiny, will they not?

I can understand the desire to carefully hand rear one's children, to ensure that they will be loving, self-confident, ethically grounded, emotionally generous, thoughtful, and intellectually engaged individuals. To tell you the truth I wish that I had had a little more of this care dished out to me when I was young. Indeed I am quite envious.... But where I find myself getting kind of jumpy is when I think that there may be some parents who will present to their homeschooled kids a kind of biased overview of other folks and indeed of history and current events.

Let me explain: there are, for example, any number of private schools in western countries which have been set up to teach Muslim kids, kids who are born in the west, Arabic and knowledge of the Qu'ran. This is entirely understandable but some of these schools also teach an anti-moderate, pro-fanatical approach to Islam. Such an education does teach bias and bigotry. It will teach that those who hold different beliefs are without value. It may lead to acts of terrorism.

And so I now find myself feeling a little edgy for it seems that homeschooling can work wonders if those children who are being homeschooled are in the hands of parents who are open and loving, and not racists and bigots. At the same time I recognise that attending school is not a guarantee against learning racism and bigotry. Ugh! This certainly is a complicated issue.

[gadgetlady 4]

Although I think that I "get" the concept of homeschooling I must admit that I would find myself personally uneasy if the only reason for homeschooling is hinged upon a specific religious/philosophical agenda. This is because I am awfully fond of plurality and believe that it is only by permitting open and respectful debate that we might come to learn more about the world and about each other.

We can also learn to be disrespectful, angry, bigoted, unforgiving, and we can have our spirits awfully destroyed in our young years. We can learn to take drugs, have sex before we're even teenagers, use foul language, and commit crimes. Our public school system is a dismal failure by virtually ALL measures; the youth that we're raising are getting worse both socially and intellectually, not better.

While there are plenty of good, honest teachers out there, our schools also have a large percentage of people who make it their goal to indoctrinate their students into the "right" way of thinking. Their philosophy might agree with yours. Then again, it might not. I'm not willing to take that chance with the precious lives I've been entrusted to guide.

And afterall, beliefs which are solid will survive scrutiny, will they not?

Absolutely. And the proper place for this scrutiny is not in the formative years. A child of 12 or 14 in a political science class can rarely "hold his own" with a degreed instructor. In a college setting, the beliefs can and will be tested. I remember in ELEMENTARY school having my beliefs about particular politicians influenced by my teachers. Fortunately, I brought those petri dishes home and ran them by my parents, who were able to better "fill me in" on reality. Not all students do this.

I can understand the desire to carefully hand rear one's children, to ensure that they will be loving, self-confident, ethically grounded, emotionally generous, thoughtful, and intellectually engaged individuals. To tell you the truth I wish that I had had a little more of this care dished out to me when I was young. Indeed I am quite envious....

It always saddens me when parents tell me they couldn't homeschool because they wouldn't want to be around their kids for that long. Don't you think the kids sense that attitude? If nothing else, our kids know we love them unconditionally and are willing to invest in their futures regardless of the cost and time commitment.

But where I find myself getting kind of jumpy is when I think that there may be some parents who will present to their homeschooled kids a kind of biased overview of other folks and indeed of history and current events.

Let me explain: there are, for example, any number of private schools in western countries which have been set up to teach Muslim kids, kids who are born in the west, Arabic and knowledge of the Qu'ran. This is entirely understandable but some of these schools also teach an anti-moderate, pro-fanatical approach to Islam. Such an education does teach bias and bigotry. It will teach that those who hold different beliefs are without value. It may lead to acts of terrorism.

As you know, growing up in a home with parents are sympathetic to terrorist would likely have the same impact regardless of the type of schooling. I would also counter that homeschoolers don't join gangs. And that's a type of terrorism in itself, isn't it?

At the same time I recognise that attending school is not a guarantee against learning racism and bigotry. Ugh! This certainly is a complicated issue.

Sometimes it's the schools that teach the racism and bigotry, is it not? The other students that teach children to taunt and tease and hate? The peer pressure that encourages students to "go with the flow" and never think for themselves? All it takes is a teacher who's not looking and your child has just learned something that they can't unlearn. There are rating systems on radio, television, movies, etc., but there's never a rating system on the mouth of the kid on the swingset next to your child. Or the teacher with an agenda.

[gadgetlady 4]

Gadgetlady: You impress the heck out of me.... for so many reasons. I appreciate the good work you do, the organizations you are involved with and link us to here on LBT, and I admire your willingness to do the "tough work" with your kids. You rock!! :rockon:

Thanks, L8BloomR There are some things in my life that "go by the wayside" because of decisions to homeschool, etc. -- one of which is currently exercise :eek: and a clean house. I figure there'll be a time in my life for a clean house, but it's just not now!

[Altalomaguy 0]

losingjusme:

would i do it again? absolutely no questions asked. in fact, if i cannot conceive within the next 6 months (and once i get below 40 BMI) we will start the process over.

Is this to get below the new rules the Chinese Govt. has implemented for adoptions? I remembered reading a story about this and just looked it up. According to the new rules you may not be obese(according to the New York Times that is 40% body fat), single, over 55, have less than a net worth of $80,000, taking medication for a mental illness like depression, or have more than 4 kids. With so many children in deplorable conditions in need of adoption I think it's sad they restricted so many loving people from being able to adopt.