Support or lack there of

[cparni 7]

As if I'm not already stressed out about my first surgery. Are there any suggestions on how to stay positive about your upcoming surgery with negative, discouraging family members around?

[BLERDgirl 6,417]

Stop talking to them about it. If they mention it, change the subject. It's not worth wasting energy trying to convince them. Save that energy for making your surgery preparations.

[dlappjr 467]

Its up to you how much effort you are willing to put into trying to change their opinion. I personally would not try to verbally communicate with them, as a means to change their opinion. I would rather not talk about it with them and then make sure I started making the changes I need to and start eating better and exercising regularly once you are able to. Next thing you know, you'll want to talk to them about how much healthier you are, how much better you feel. How much you need to buy new, smaller clothes and how hot you look. Then they'll be all crickets…. Let them do them, you do you. That said, I can't only imagine how much easier it would be if they supported you. since they don't, blow them away with your actions and results!

[cparni 7]

It's so frustrating!!! I don't bring it up but they are really discouraging when they bring it up. It's very difficult to go through something of this magnitude by yourself.

[dlappjr 467]

My apologies that they cannot see past their own messed up logic to support you in making your life better. Do you have any close friends or other family members who are supportive?

[jhclikesshopping@gmail.com 285]

I have similar challenges with my family. I decided not to tell the family about my surgery - instead just told them I am changing my diet completely and I would appreciate them not talking to me about food and not expecting me to attend food related event. For a few of them, its going great. for others, not so much. About 2 months after surgery, I needed to lay down the law officially. I made a phone call to each family member saying our conversations going forward need to not be regarding food at all. If they want to talk to me, food cannot be in discussion. No more lunches, no more dinners. I would love to spend time with them with a cup of tea or going for a walk. It's been a learning process for both of us. As an Italian, every family get together revolves food and large amounts. So they are trying.... I think. But at 8 months, I still remind my mother, where our boundaries are. Just last night in fact....

something powerful happens when you take control and tell the family this is how it will be. You can do it... set up your success and you will feel stronger for it.

[perforce 243]

My mum was hugely unsupportive when I first broached the topic of surgery with her (and the fact that I was considering it), which actually really surprised me. I tried talking to her about it twice and each time she got very negative, so I just made the decision to move on without including her (my parents are divorced and I wasn't living with her, so it was doable).

A couple of months ago I was making concrete plans about everything and out of the blue during a skype chat she mentioned that the husband of a work colleague had had it done and it was working well for him, and she was then totally fine talking about it.

I don't know if it was that example that really changed her mind, or if she just realized she had the option of getting on the train or getting off the tracks, but I'm now able to talk to her about the prep and she doesn't react badly. I'm glad because I didn't like being at odds with her (or just having to refrain from talking about this huge part of my life) but only you can make the choice of what you class as the most important thing to you. In the end you're doing the surgery for yourself, not for those people, and you have the right to cut them out of this particular part of your life, even when they are close family.

[Good apple 29]

Sorry hear they aren't supportive at a time you could really use it. People aren't always right about things and I guess it is what it is. I don't anticipate my family would be supportive either, that's why I didn't tell them. My husband, I had to tell and I thought he would be the biggest naysayer of them all. Turns out, he took it well and said it seemed like a good decision.

But, that doesn't mean he's been positive about it since that initial conversation. I've learned over the last couple of weeks to not discuss it with him. It's when I bring it up that he starts with the negativity. It's such a big deal with me, I could talk about it A LOT....but have learned to keep it under wraps at home.

Thanks for sharing, I hope the situation improves.

[cparni 7]

I have a small family but I have a couple non-family members that are supporting me dlappjr.

[cparni 7]

Thank you everyone for your suggestions!!! My surgery is on 12/16.