To tell or not to tell?

[RollingRing 3]

I have told only a very few people that I was considering surgery. So far only my husband and employer knows. When I mentioned it to my mom, she kind of freaked out and said how terrible my life would be after surgery and how I wouldn't be able to ever eat normal again, yada yada, complications, etc. Therefore, I'm hesitant to tell her it is going to happen in January. If I don't tell her, she'll of course notice at the next family gathering when I'm eating only a very small amount. We live in the same town and talk almost daily, so she'd notice if I was in the hospital for a few days. Just wondering if anyone else has tips on this.

[rking 484]

I was very lucky. I told lots of people and every single one was supportive. I think that was rare. I wouldn't have cared if they weren't supportive. My decision had been made and their opinion would not have mattered to me.

[Cheri_j 117]

While I was going through the prep, I only told two people. When I was approved and a surgery date scheduled, I told a few more people, figuring the gossip line would let everyone else know. Not until about 50 loss, did anyone comment. I readily told them I had bariatric surgery. Their first response generally was "I know someone else who had that surgery and they had _____ complications." Now after five months and 80 pounds, I want to discuss my surgery with anyone who has an interest. I want to be an advocate for WLS.

People are going to ask how you are losing so quickly. And as in my case, those who didn't ask, assumed I had cancer or some other bad thing wrong with me. Don't fool yourself by thinking no one is going to notice or ask.

I think the biggest struggle with telling or not telling is the fear of what feedback you are going to get. Most of it will be positive. But then there are uneducated (uneducated in bariatric surgery) people who will say something stupid or hurtful. When this happens, you have one of two choices. You can either allow that stupid/hurtful comment to chip away at your self-esteem or you choose to realize that this person has no clue as to what they are saying. Trying to educate them more than likely will be useless, because they know everything about everything. But you can try. Don't give these negative people the power to make you feel bad about yourself.

The most hurtful thing someone can say to me is that I took the easy way to weight loss. This has only happened once. My response was "I respect your opinion, but you have no idea what you are talking about." And I left it at that. I did not give that person the power to make me feel bad. I put a lot of hard work into my weight loss. My surgery is only a tool.

Generally, when someone belittles you, they are trying to make themselves feel better and more superior to you. They themselves suffer from low self-esteem and the only way they can feel better about themselves is to belittle someone else. This is not your issue, but theirs. Don't allow this to be your issue.

I was married to a bully for 17 years who made me feel I was lower than the grunge build up at the base of the toilet. It took a divorce and five years of counseling before I finally realized that there was nothing wrong with me - it was him all along!

Just don't give away your power to anyone who doesn't deserve it.

Edited December 10, 2015 by Cheri_j

[Pinkgirl1234 761]

Well said!