How do you deal with stupidity?

[TexasRose 0]

I was out dancing last night with friends and went to the bar to get a glass of Water. I returned to our table and the gentleman sitting at the next table drunkingly made the statement/question "what is your objective here?" I asked for clarification. He asked why I was drinking water and at the club in my 'condition'. Through a bit more banter, he asked why I was pregnant and out dancing. I politely said that I was not pregnant. Then I turned away from him and nearly started to cry. Even when I was at my heaviest, no one has ever asked if I was pregnant.

I was always told that you never make such a comment unless you see a women with a baby popping out of her (for lack of a more eloquent way of stating it). The audacity of that man!

How do I deal with the resulting horrible feelings I am having about myself and the way that I look after a comment like that?

If you have encountered this, how did you deal with it?

[juliegeraci 7]

The only way to deal with it sadly enough is to just ignore it. Know that you are on your way to a healther you. Just stay positive. He isn't worth the energy.

[lizrbit 0]

BUMP..i LOVE jacks response. perfect!

i had this almost exact thing happen to me, except i was at my local bank (im a business owner) and the man who said it was mentally handicapped. I know he lacked the intention to be 'mean'...which in a way hurt even worse, because i couldn't rule it off to someone just being hurtful.

I just thought to myself,

"its okay. He doesnt understand that comment just tore at your soul. In a year you will look and feel so much better and this kind of thing likely wont happen anymore. You've already done something proactive about it, and you reinforce your intention daily. Its all you can do, its all anyone can do. Do what you came here today for, then leave."

in your case though girlfriend i think i would have told him to kiss my arse. i hate drunk people.

[green 6]

I think I would have told him that my "objective" was that I was looking for a father for my baby and I was kinda in a rush. :heh:

[Jachut 487]

I think the fact that he thought i was pregnant would have gone over my head, I would have been too angry at the insinuation that a pregnant woman ought to be home where she belongs. I probably would have decked him, I dont suffer chauvenistic fools gladly.

Look, that must be devastating, but you ARE doing something about it. You ARE beautiful on the inside and you're able to work on outward appearances. He will always be a dickhead.

[green 6]

Jachut is right. This guy will always be a weiner.

[TerriDoodle 6]

Go Jacqui!!! LOL

TexasRose - I'm sorry that happend to you. Hey, but if it makes you feel any better, that's happened to me twice in my life. Once when I weighed about 175 and the other time when I weighed about 160. (I'm 5'7" so it wasn't like I looked like a pumpkin or anything. The point is that others perceptions can be very messed up and then you add a stupid brain and a big mouth into the mix and you've got trouble. Yeah, it can be real embarrassing, even humbling and enough to ruin your day...IF YOU LET IT. You have so much to be proud of!!! Focus on that and let the small stuff roll off your back. Who cares what some drunk fool in a bar thinks anyway??? He's an idiot.

[giveyouthemoon 4]

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent"- Elenor Roosevelt

The only reason that his comment hit home is that it plays on your own insecurity about yourself. We all have it. I've three times in my life been asked if I was pregnant. It's ridiculous.

That guy probably thought he was doing "the right thing" -- he also has some jacked up paternal and patronizing sense of needing to belittle a woman.

He's probably roiling with his own faults and insecurities, that's the only reason people act like that.

Mentally tell the universe you forgive this guy (forgive the sinner, not the sin) then make sure you remember to forgive *yourself* for all the hard and mean things you've said to and about yourself.

Remember that you are loved...most especially by your own self and with that love, nobody's harsh words can get in.

*hug*

[TexasRose 0]

Thank you all for your kind thoughts!

[green 6]

It has happened to me on a few occasions and it has always been women who have asked me when the baby is due. Because each time I was asked I was well beyond menopause I found the question kind of funny. I always liked to tell them that "that ship had sailed years ago'", that I am post-menopausal and just fat, and then watch them squirm with embarassment.

The weiner you met in the club wouldn't know how to squirm, unfortunately.

[Chris_NJ 9]

sorry for what happened to you. he is a real jerk. us guys look at it this way though. the more jerks there are the easier it is for us good guys to get the great woman. it was his loss.

[sherilynn 1]

....Or you could have replied..."I may be fat, but you're ugly. I can go on a diet...What are you gonna do"?

AHHHHHHHHHH, that makes me so mad!!!!!

There was a thread "What was your last straw" for getting the band.

I will NEVER forget last September (band was already decided, so it wasn't my last straw…but this STICKS in my mind) and I was driving my Jeep. I guy cut me off, I cut him off. He pulled up along side of me, and I looked right at him. He said to me "OMG, look at you - you're so fat. Didn't you ever hear of Weight Watchers?"

I started to scream about how ugly he was…but damage was done - to me. For a total stranger to 'see' how fat I was in the next car. I felt so small and belittled.

It was a commerical vehicle…and I really hope that some day I come across the same van in town. I have a gesture for him.

You're getting healthy...he's not.

[DebLPN 0]

TexasRose -

For years I worked as a volunteer for a 24 hour crisis hotline. They trained us thoroughly and one of the BEST lines I've ever heard was

" Would you like to talk about why you feel the need to (fill in the blank), ie, make comments like that to a total stranger,,or,,comment on something so personal as my weight,,or,, come to a bar, get drunk and humiliate yourself by asking asinine questions of a lady? The list is endless and applicable to every situation.

Years ago,,one of the men I worked with insulted me at a business luncheon. He thought he would make himself look big in other's eyes or somehow inflate his sagging ego I suppose. He waited until I prepared my plate of food and sat down at the table and said "Damn,,do you think you got enough food on your plate? Trying to remain cool, calm and collected and not rip his throat out,,I replied, "Bill,,would you like to talk about why you feel a need to to watch what I eat and try to embarass me in front of my peers?" You could have heard a pin drom. It pissed him off royally. He shoved back the chair and stomped out of the room. Using that statement took his power away and ended up making me look to be the more mature person. Did i just cringe inside when he said those things? YES Did I want to curl up under the table and die? YES Did the world end? NO. Keep your head high.

I love the Desiderata,,,and when I feel like I'm struggling, I like to remember a part of it that says:

Nurture strength and spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born out of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholeseom discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less that the trees and the stars, you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Hold your head high,,you are a wonderful creation!!

banded 1/29/07

Dr Ken Cleveland-CMMC-Jackson, MS

[areellady 1]

God, I love that...."would you like to talk about how you feel he need to be such an asshole to me?? We can surely sit down and you can work this out!!!!" LMAO....that is soooooo great, that is my new thing to say!!!

[mcloser 0]

I have always been heavy so when I was in high school there was this guy that asked me if I was pregnant. Inside I was mortified (and trust me I did cry later when he was not around) but instead of letting him see me cry instead I told him that I was pregnant and that it belonged to his dad. He just stammered and his buddies laughed at him. It took the heat off of me and made him look like the ass that he is. I am truly sorry that this guy did this but everyone here is right, you are an awesome person inside and out and he will always be the drunken asshole at the bar.

Hang in there!