Is Your Love Life on Hold While You Lose Weight?

[JupiterinVirgo 846]

This is my first post in this forum, so, hello! In the months leading up to my surgery, I put my dating life completely on hold to stay focused on the labor of preparing for a huge shift in mind, body and soul.

I was sleeved three weeks ago, but dating feels like a different thing now. I would really prefer not to divulge information as personal as a bariatric surgery to people i don't know and trust, but since relationships have a physical component it seems dishonest not to tell. In a year my body will look totally different. When we share a meal, and I can only eat three bites, I feel I will have to explain.

Are you dating while in process of weight loss?

Do you divulge that you've had a bariatric surgery to your date?

What kind of responses did you get?

Are you waiting until your close to goal to start dating do you can focus on yourself?

A.

[liannatx 897]

Well I have had my second half for 23 years... so the dating part isn't applicable for me!

I can say that in real life everyday situations people are NOW: dieting, losing weight, working out, lactose intolerant, gluten free, Vegan, Vegetarian, Paleo, Low Carb, etc... so it is a normal thing. If you don't know someone well enough to divulge your surgery, then don't mention it.

By about 2 months you will be able to sit with a wisely chosen plate of food and pick at it, and eat the Protein and no one would be the wiser. No explanation will be necessary. People pay FAR LESS attention to what you are eating than you might think. If you really do get questioned, it is very simple to say you "had a late lunch" or whatever... there is no need to feel like you are lying or hiding something from someone you don't know that well.

[DangerMouse007 105]

I have put my dating or love life on hold while I lose weight as well. Back in March somebody asked me how my dating life was, and I said nothing was going on because, to be honest, the type of woman I would attract will be a lot different when I'm at 200 pounds vs. 400 pounds. It just is. It really isn't so much focusing on myself, that's just the reality.

But I've also never really tried to do much dating anyway. I'm 40, lived alone all my life with a few relationships here or there, so it's not something I seriously sought out. If it happens, it happens. I honestly don't put much effort in trying to meet new people to get into a relationship, etc.

As far as divulging the surgery, I would rather not tell anybody until I really get to know them. My private life is my private life.

[Daveo 485]

I have put my dating life on hold since having the surgery. I just don't feel comfortable dating while going through this transition. Once I am at goal then I will get out there. I have created online dating profiles yet I don't actively try to find someone.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

Are you dating while in process of weight loss? Yes, even though I said I would wait. My mood was so up beat, and well winter is upon so I decided to date once I got a handle on things, after 3 months.

Do you divulge that you've had a bariatric surgery to your date? Nope. I haven't told and I won't tell unless I am sure it is a long term thing heading towards commitment. And for all the people that are going to ask, no my eating etc does not really stand out.

What kind of responses did you get? N/A

Are you waiting until your close to goal to start dating do you can focus on yourself? I live alone and work for myself so my whole life is basically focused on myself. Dating a few times a week, is a welcome distraction. I am dating someone that is active and goes to the gym, so their lifestyle compliments mine.

[sunnylady98 15]

I'm having my surgery on Jan 11 2016 and I have not even given dating a thought yet. This is my time I want to get comfortable with me first and I haven't been for years and then when that special someone comes along hopefully I'll be ready to say I've had weight loss surgery and he will support me or he's not the right one! I'm just ready to find me!

[AvaFern 3,516]

My surgery was 28 months ago and I did not date until I had both reached goal and completed all three of my plastics procedures. My logic is that if you put your house on the market, you make sure your kitchen looks nice and your floors are clean so you attract the best buyer possible. The same is true for weight loss. If you want to have the most amount of options, be at your best when you start to date. Also, I viewed dating as a distraction. I used the time I had to workout and eat well, and I find that when I am dating someone there is way too much emphasis on being happy and comfortable which then derails weight loss. You have a limited amount of time while you are in the honeymoon phase after surgery. Use that time to your best advantage by focusing on yourself. You can date later, but if you lose the year after surgery messing around with dating when you should be focused on weight loss you are going to have a much harder time hitting goal.

At over two years out I can eat way more than I should and there is no way I could lose weight now. I can however maintain fairly easily, so I'm glad I took the first year and a half to get to goal, because that is the time where you are most restricted and you can lose the most weight the fastest. Use that time for yourself and be selfish with that small amount of time where you can make the most of a very expensive, lifelong procedure. Men will come and go, but once the first year or two after surgery is gone, you lost the one time you have to really get to goal and if you spent that time with some dude who probably won't be around in a year anyway, you will likely regret it.

Good luck with your process!

[o00 494]

This is my first post in this forum, so, hello! In the months leading up to my surgery, I put my dating life completely on hold to stay focused on the labor of preparing for a huge shift in mind, body and soul.

I was sleeved three weeks ago, but dating feels like a different thing now. I would really prefer not to divulge information as personal as a bariatric surgery to people i don't know and trust, but since relationships have a physical component it seems dishonest not to tell. In a year my body will look totally different. When we share a meal, and I can only eat three bites, I feel I will have to explain.

Are you dating while in process of weight loss?

Do you divulge that you've had a bariatric surgery to your date?

What kind of responses did you get?

Are you waiting until your close to goal to start dating do you can focus on yourself?

A.

Love this thread. Just this past weekend I was invited out on a date by a gentleman I met through work. We have been on friendly terms for months. I didn't say yes or no but I kind of said after I feel better. He took that well because he was aware that I have been on medical leave. I don't know if I will tell him what type of surgery I underwent.

I think the best thing for me to do is to stay away from dating for a while until the new body and mind have adjusted and made friends with each other. I have had the most fun dating this past two summers. I am hoping for a even more fun filled dating life next summer.

Edited December 15, 2015 by dusky goddess

[BLERDgirl 6,417]

No part of my life is on hold while I lose weight. I am just as social as I ever was.

[KindaFamiliar 3,867]

Nope...

I'm going at it just like I was as a 16 yr old high school kid...

ALONE!!!

[newmebithebypass 713]

well thankfully i am married now so i dont have to worry about dating but i have kind of put other aspects of my life on hold until i get surgery like getting my licence and going back to school. it hurts to walk around and lug the heavy back packs right now so i am waiting but once i am at goal i will go at it full force

[Queen of Crop 1,103]

Great topic....I think most people will feel it and know when you are ready and I think alllowing yourself to always be open to meeting new people, either as friends or potential partners is a good a idea and can keep your life full and rich. Although I'm married, most people who have read my blog and book know I am in an poly amorous marriage and I go to Tantra seminars, so even though I don't date, I am in situations in which I am in close contact with others; but it took me a year before my mind caught up with my new body and I could be open to new adventures. Once you are feeling better about yourself you can create whatever life you desire.

[BrnAgn39 85]

I'm having my surgery on Jan 11 2016 and I have not even given dating a thought yet. This is my time I want to get comfortable with me first and I haven't been for years and then when that special someone comes along hopefully I'll be ready to say I've had weight loss surgery and he will support me or he's not the right one! I'm just ready to find me!

What she said (except I don't have my surgery scheduled) lol

[Katrinakit 139]

I am just starting to date a man and told him on day one that I was preparing for surgery. He seems very supportive and has a background as a caregiver so seems willing to be there for me during the recovery but we shall see!

[Katrinakit 139]

My only worry is that he does prefer bbw type women but he says he will care for me no matter what size I am. Only time will tell if that is true!