No Sex? WTF

[MissMac2 18]

I forgot to suggest this: Keep a diary of the hurtful things he says. Log if he throws anything at you, even if it is Dixie cup. My diary was a big help because it helped me see that I was not imaging that mess or taking things out of context when he claimed to be "just kidding". I kept that at work, too. Take care. Hugs from Chicago.

[mrs kaje 347]

Ask him whether he thinks you should get a divorce (or a trial separation). If he says yes, that's an easy one.

If he says no, ask him to explain why. If he explains, you have something to work with. Even if he's happy and thinks things are great, you clearly have different ideas about what makes a happy marriage.

If he doesn't want to talk about it but actually doesn't want to divorce, and gives a shit, it may prompt him to realise the way he's treating you has made you consider it, and you may notice a change in his behaviour.

If he doesn't want to talk about it and truly doesn't care, he'll just continue on as always, and you'll have to decide whether you're ok with this life forever.

[BrandonKea 20]

Ask him whether he thinks you should get a divorce (or a trial separation). If he says yes, that's an easy one.

If he says no, ask him to explain why. If he explains, you have something to work with. Even if he's happy and thinks things are great, you clearly have different ideas about what makes a happy marriage.

If he doesn't want to talk about it but actually doesn't want to divorce, and gives a ****, it may prompt him to realise the way he's treating you has made you consider it, and you may notice a change in his behaviour.

If he doesn't want to talk about it and truly doesn't care, he'll just continue on as always, and you'll have to decide whether you're ok with this life forever.

This is excellent advice.

[Chanti_ 27]

It sounds to me like he's a coward. I think he wants out of your marriage but does not want to be the instigator. So he is trying to alienate you in every way possible. Whether he just want's to be able to come off as the wronged party because you are the one to ask for a divorce or some other obscure reason, only he can say.

He's had an affair.

He's refused sex with you.

He's demonstrated he's not attracted to you.

He's unwilling to be affectionate with you even in minor ways.

He isn't even being a friend let alone a husband.

Start by getting your own bank account. Untie your money from his. No matter what else happens, you need the security of having a nest egg. He has a part time job and his own money, so should you. I'm sure your full time job is your care of your children and your home. If he wants your money tell him you can go splits on childcare and housekeeping expenses when you decide to work full time outside the home and see how he likes that.

I'm thinking your husband is a t*w*a*t..

Edited December 6, 2015 by Chanti_

[Pinkgirl1234 761]

Absolutely don't wait for him to "drop the ball"...because he is unhappy and so are you ...You have to be prepared and ready .Its been over and the "new you " deserves a better life and you will find someone who digs you.

Get ready for the end of this...,new beginning...

[Pinkgirl1234 761]

Get your finances together because he will come after you for support and the familiar phrase...you hindered my career..,I made choices for the benefit and care of our children at your request.You didn't want me to work.I supported you and your career at the expense of mine....this is what happens...sylher your money so that he can't come after it legally.See a lawyer ASAP

[journeymeh 8]

I can't figure out how to tag you, but anyway things are great now. we have divorced and I no longer have to deal with his manipulation and emotional abuse. I no longer walk on eggshells in my own home.

I am a full time student at community college. my 2 yr old daughter lives with me and my parents.

I agree with everyone- get a personal bank acct and deposit your check there. stop begging for his attention. contact a lawyer. take pictures of his conversations with the other women. you've been married 25 years you should be able to get spousal support . you deserve happiness! it is tough but you will thank yourself and ask yourself why you waited so long to leave.

[Sharon1964 2,530]

Ask him whether he thinks you should get a divorce (or a trial separation). If he says yes, that's an easy one.

I was going to suggest this, but I would be even more direct, "do you want to be married to me?"

If he says yes, ask him why. What does he get out of the marriage that he wants to continue getting?

[RILEYSMOM22 344]

I was married for 25 years...5 kids. My sex drive was always higher than his.... until he had an affair. Then, suddenly he wanted it all the time and yeah, started to work out, etc. We seemed to fix things after the first affair, but I don't think I ever really got over it. We have been divorced 5 years and I still have mixed feelings. Should we have tried harder to stay together? The dating scene when you are 50ish, is scary. Spending your birthday (today, btw) alone isn't fun either.

My advice is to explore why your marriage isn't working. You might have to be very direct with him, but you two need to get talking.

[winklie 518]

I would tread very carefully about asking if he wants to remain married. If he has issues (and clearly he does) this is a warning to him of what you are thinking. I would advise to get a lawyer, separate the money, and gtfo. If you mention divorce you are playing into his hands, and he'll take steps to have things go his way. I am not sure about the state you live in, but in many, "lack of services" is a reason for divorce. Choose wisely.

[Sharon1964 2,530]

@@winklie I live in a no-fault divorce state - you don't even have to have the other person's agreement (which is why it makes me crazy when movies use the "he won't sign the papers" line). I forget sometimes that it's different in other states.

[BayougirlMrsS 3,934]

I read every post and i must say..... Thanks to you all, you have give some great advice and i will be using some of it.

He and i have had talks about our situation multiple times.... I know he is waiting on me to pull the trigger so he can say... See, she left me. and it's about money too...

Louisiana is a No fault state also. I have looked it my rights. He and i started off together with nothing so everything we have would have to be split 50/50. On some positive note: we only our our mortgage, living expenses and a few credit cards... I am better off than a lot of people. I have one child from my 1st marriage and we have one that's 24 years old. so no worries there.

I have started doing more without him. In the past i would have been invited to go with girl friends places and would have said NO.... But, no more. Yesterday i went to the Saints game with a GF .... He pouted, but he's a big boy, he'll get over it.

You guys are great.... thanks for taking the time to reply and all but one... (you know who you are)... has been very helpful.

[jane13 2,256]

@@bayougirlmrsc - you are about to have MAJOR "weight loss surgery"!!!!

He weighs about 180lbs?

I had that kind of weight loss back in 1993. He cheated, not once but twice, I took him back. I read in your emails some of my fears and suspicions - that is why I replied like I did. You are an attractive woman and trust me, there ARE decent guys out here. You will be fine.

My ex never worked any job very long. I supported him and two kids to be treated like a doormat. I loved him, but it wasn't enough...he died 15 years ago. It was hard for me to admit to myself that I was getting a divorce. I married for life, but me loving him wasn't enough. He didn't love me. He admitted to his GF that he treated me like crap. She told me that at his funeral. I had taken our kids to the funeral. I felt bad that I never got a chance to tell him that I forgave after about 5 years (around 1998) after we divorced.

I was very lucky to find a man who loves me as much as I love him. we have been married for over 21 years...

[More than this 116]

I am going to be blunt. Don't waste your life like I did. Your husband, whether he is screwing around or not, isn't interested in fixing anything. Don't be like me & keep looking for excuses. All you end up doing is losing a piece of your self & your worth every time you get turned down. I got to the point where I did not exist anymore. It was all about him & why didn't he want me? What was I doing wrong....but it took me 17 years of excuses to finally figure out I didn't know who I was or that I existed. Losing who you are is the worst thing in the world. Take control & quit waiting for him to want you. He won't. But I know there are others out there that will want you & show you that they do. Don't wast any more time like I did. And yes, in my case it was affair after affair, but that's not the point. The point is we can find excuses for anything & everything...its when we run out of things to blame or think it may be that we are left naked & only with out selves. Don't get to that point. Please....learn from my mistakes. There is love out there & sex is a part of it.

[BayougirlMrsS 3,934]

@@More than this OMG... i was just on the phone with a friend and was telling him that exact statement..... that it's like i don't exist. We hardly interact at all.... Normally one text in the am, a call at 11, and a text at 4 letting me know he is on his way home.

Yesterdays interaction: he woke up, played on computer, showered, dressed, came told me bye... Worked from 7-4, then went shoot pictures at a locale high school (basketball), home, a Peck hello, into his office to send in pictures, he set in his chair with supper, watched tv till he fell asleep... The end.

On night he has no shoot: all the same except, comes home after work, grabs his airgun, sit in back yard till dark, sits in chair with supper till he falls asleep....

I get a peck in the am, and one when he gets home.... that's it.